My youngest turned 13 today. There are now two teenagers underneath my roof. My little guy is not a little guy any more. Fortunately his birthday today was much more relaxed than when he entered the world. He is one of those late night babies. His birth time was about 1:30 in the morning. It was quite the scene that night with us speeding down the highway to get to the hospital. My daughter who was 4 sat sleepily in the backseat while we greatly exceeded the speed limit. His mother was focusing on her breathing as I told her to not notice how fast we were going. From the time we entered the hospital until the time he was born took about two hours. The only reason it took that long was from the waiting on the doctor to arrive. It doesn't seem he slowed down any after that night.

He was born without the benefit of his mother having any drugs in her system to ease the pain. Needless to say it was a religious experience for all involved. She was the only mom in labor that evening so the nurses all congregated by the window. They were taking guesses on when he would be born. It might be there was also a little wagering along with the guessing. We looked at his baby photos last night. He was quite the cute kid. There are also photographs of his sister giving her parents instructions on what we should do. Some of the night becomes a bit fuzzy for me. Turns out that I went about 40 hours without sleep. There was too much excitement going on for me to rest. I had too many plans to make for him.

If you are just stumbling across this blog then you may not know all those plans changed about three years later. That was the time he was diagnosed as autistic. Everything in the plan was torn apart with the news. We went from having the grand dreams most parents have for a child to wondering what life would bring. We saw a ton of doctors back then. Some of them were positive about the prognosis. There was one however that crashed the party with a very pessimistic outlook. The outlook is still very much a possibility. But for now he is my best bud as well as frequent travel companion.

There are still very real moments when my emotions get the best of me. Sometimes it just happens in the normal routine of a day. Sometimes it happens when there is a reminder of his being different. On occasion it is the result of doing the paperwork required for school or other things. Some moments are when we hug or just hang out together. Most people would say my personality can be stoic or even distant. They would be shocked to see me in those moments when the sadness overtakes me. The heartbreak is beyond my ability to describe. All that can be done is to let the tears loose to soothe the emotional ache.

Other emotions can rise up along with the sadness. Anger is one that finds it way to the surface in some moments. Some people don't understand his illness. It would take a team of oxen to hold my tongues when some person comments in ugly tones toward him. I confess that it wasn't always held quiet. He was once described as an excuse in a meeting. I have to admit that my composure gave way to a sharp response. One person came far too close to pushing me to totally blow what cool I may have. It's been a long time since I'd wanted to hit another person. Thank God that didn't happen though it took more than a few hours for the anger to go away. Guess it is safe to say my son brings out the best and the worst in me. My hope is that far more is positive than anything else.

People sometimes tell me that God only gives special children to special parents. Maybe that is true for the most part. Sadly, not all of these unique lives are always nurtured by their mother or father. All that I know to do is to do the best parenting possible given the circumstances. He and I are facing the future with uncertainty as to what it holds. A friend of mine has a Down's Syndrome child who now lives in a group home in Tyler. Just the thought of that leaves me literally trembling. Yes, it may be the best for him but it will absolutely tear me apart. He is my pride and joy no matter his limitations. He is my son.

Know why scripture says for parents to love their children? It's because they love you back. The love you give away is measured by what you receive along the way. We give the best of ourselves only to make a discovery. We also become better from the giving. We become better people. The best gift of this birthday is the continual shaping of my life because of his. That is why life has meaning. It's why we celebrate.

Bro. Trey