Tomorrow is another trip to my doctor.  It is just a routine checkup even though no visit is probably anywhere close to routine.  All signs are positive but she does like making sure all is going well.  This is one of those things that will be done for the duration.  Sometimes it does feel a bit out of the ordinary but the price is small compared to being sick.  Part of me often thought about getting a complete going over by doctors prior to my diagnosis.  This is no longer a concern.  My body will get scanned on a regular basis.  Blood will be counted and studied every few months.  I am totally confident in my physician with her care for my well being.

At least there will be no bone marrow biopsy tomorrow.  There really should be shirts or signs made for those of us who endure those.  You have not really lived until you felt a very large needle moving inside your spine.  It truly is a religious experience.  I am fortunate in that my process included two such procedures.  The doctor stopped once to ask me if it hurt.  My question to her was whether or not she was going to stop if it did.  When she replied in the negative then my next words were for her to just go ahead to get it over with.  This really is not a statement on my bravery but about just being hard headed.  Some parts of our history just will not be worth any nostalgia.

I still get amazed over being in remission.  You can read here in other places that may take the form of guilt over surviving my disease.  Odds are good that it was only round one but some do not get that far.  But there are other times when the feelings are just sheer gratitude.  Words probably cannot convey what those emotions are really like.  My usual approach is to just sit quiet to let that sense of blessing just wash over me.  Being in remission is a reality that seemed so remote at the start.  You wonder if there will ever be another normal day.  Time is spent just finding some handle of hope.  Praying sometimes gives way to just being very human with all of its good and bad points.  When you get news of being past the disease for a time then you begin to adjust to a new normal.  Life may not always be good but you do embrace what it is.

Every person must find more than circumstances to make life happy.  Not everything is always going to be perfect.  Lots of energy can be wasted trying to regain some sense of normal much less perfection.  God is very real in the good news and the bad.  Part of maturity is learning how to exalt Him regardless of the times.  It is like most things in that it sounds simple but is not ever easy.  But those who learn or continue to grow in this truth will be those who know the deepest joys possible.  One can only hope more of us discover this. 

Bro. Trey