I admit that I am totally at a loss today. In fact, it is difficult to even get my thoughts together. For over 25 years my life revolved around church as well as the people who make up a church body. There are tons of stories to be told that relate to the issues people face and how God guided them through. Many times it seemed as if there was no hope only to be in one of those moments when the Lord Himself stepped in to display His goodness. It goes without saying none of this was due to my abilities or lack thereof. My hope is that I can always cherish those memories with a sense of gratitude for God's goodness.

Now I am at a loss. For seven years the labor here has been marked by one obstacle or the other. It really all began the day the moving van unloaded at the house. It seems that everyday turned up yet another painful event to tackle. God saw us through each one even when we stumbled to know exactly what He wanted from us. I will not claim that each occasion ended the way I would want. Too many friends have been lost over the years. Too much pain is inflicted by people who immerse their desires in religion then call it God's will. Too many blows to a body leaves it bruised and even broken.

This is where life finds me today. Seven years of absorbing body shots leaves me feeling very bruised and more broken. There are no more answers that I can give. What saddens me even more is the effect this can have on those who simply want to find God's best for life. These are the ones who carry no vendettas or harbor no ill will. We spend so much time wringing our hands over the damage being inflicted on a daily basis that we forget the needs of those around us. Why is it those who claim to be godly would intentionally destroy His body? There really is no one simple answer to that. But it is still the question running around my brain.

Never have I seen such ungodly behavior exhibited in a church. Sure there were times in the past when my heart hurt over random acts of cruelty. This is something that boggles my mind and is destroying my spirit. Is there an answer? My honest response is that right now there is nothing that satisfies my search. Could it be someday all that God gave us over the years will be just a memory? That is going to be the outcome if the ridicule, slander and cruelty does not come to an end. I do not know how to make it stop. Sermons do not seem to have any impact whatsoever. Dialogue meetings do nothing to cure the venom. One would think the amount of prayers being offered would lower the volume but as of now it has not.

This is the lowest that I've ever felt in ministry. Yes, I know some of it is due to my focus or lack of it. A lot of it is due to wondering how the gosel of grace can be lost by those who should know it the most.

Bro. Trey