And now for something completely different.  File this one under things most ministers will not tell you about their work.  Just being honest about ministry matters is far easier as I age.  Maybe my experiences are not the norm but you should hear some of this from someone.  So hang in there even if what follows is not terribly exciting.

For some unknown reason there are now three weddings on my calendar for next summer.  I never can explain the rhyme or reason as to how these things occur.  Two of these will be in Texas while one takes me back to my original home.  I will travel to New Orleans to officiate for a young couple.  Weddings can be difficult.  Every couple has their unique spin on how they want this great day to unfold.  No two weddings are alike.  My very first wedding outline along with the Bible I normally used was lost several years ago.  So now I just put my ideas together from a basic approach to what is said.  This is very similar to how my preparation takes place for a funeral.  Names may change but the core of my words and thoughts seldom varies.  There really is only so much one can say during either a wedding or a funeral.  There are obviously special occasions for each setting.  Some services of either setting do call for more preparation or thought than others.  But let me be honest to say my purpose for both does not change a great deal.

Here are a few things that I often wish people took into consideration when either of these services are required.

1.  Family relations will go a long way in determining the success of either a wedding or a funeral.  Discord, bitterness or plain ole fighting can derail the best of intentions.  You might be surprised at how often I hold my breath just hoping to survive a service.  There is something about a crisis that brings out the worst in people.  Just being a "holy moment" does not guarantee such behavior will not happen.
2. Planning is the key to either occasion.  Now most of us really do not want to plan a funeral for our own life but it does help a minister know what direction to go.  There are far too many times when a distant relative about four times removed just feels the need to say something at a funeral.  I more often than not try to keep such a thing from happening.  It may happen also at a wedding when that same type person thinks they should sing or suggest changes to the ceremony.  A funeral is for the most next of kin whoever that is.  The wedding is for the couple beginning with the bride.  I work for those people primarily.
3. You are going to find it difficult to go from a non Christian outlook to all of a sudden acting as if you are a deacon or other devout believer on either service.  You again might be surprised to learn how some offer terrible advice to one who grieves or one who is starting a new life.  We throw out platitudes that we read on a Hallmark card then expect that to be somehow inspiring.  Meaning well does not eliminate the shallow if not stupid things people can say. 

These are only a few observations from one who witnessed more than a few horrifying moments in a time of loss or love.  I find myself wanting to scream that this is what my job is so let me do it.  Patience is critical to getting through the drama.  Putting my foot down on behalf of those who matter most is seldom appreciated.  But my role is not to accommodate every one with a suggestion or intention to get involved.  My task is still to honor God in either occasion with the least amount of that drama.  One can only hope that is enough.

Bro. Trey