My first chemo drip is underway as we write.  The countdown is all of a sudden very real in the room.  Now we begin about a week of the various poisons to get me ready for the infusion of new cells in my body next Saturday.  None of this hurts.  My only complaint is how often they talk about side effects.  I would rather focus on the positive of what the medicine should be doing as it flows into me.  Most get a view that whatever bad things can happen will happen as we go along.  I never looked at treatments in that light.  My attention strives to remain on the possible good stuff that will happen.  Maybe that is naïve but it how I handle it the best. 

We might as well talk a little about the theological issues revolving around my transplant.  You can trust me that my choice would be to learn lessons or grow without all of this activity going on here.  Going through another round of cancer was not on my list of things to do this year.  It takes up too much time much less having to deal with the ugly side of going into therapy.  But the reality is here we are now with tubes running into my body with the medicine starting a final breakdown before becoming a positive.  Sometimes you cannot ignore reality.  You have to accept that what you are going through can be a time of growth no matter how difficult it may be.  There is also the truth that what you experience may not be as ugly as another person.  How we deal with what happens to us is dependent on what faith we do or do not have.

My initial response to the diagnosis was that this problem would be a time to glorify God somehow.  I do not know if that is always being done but it is still my desire.  That glory may not be immediate or it may be something to happen later after recovery.  There surely is a way for this trial to be used right now to bring attention to Him.  We have that tendency to get so distracted by what takes place that we neglect staying open to God for His help.  I am not saying any of this is ever going to be easy or simple.  Our troubles are very real to us  I do think there has to be a way for us to find a new approach to keep God first in our being.

I am still alive so my choice is how am I going to glorify God with my living.  Praying is not just a tool to use in my habits of spiritual growth.  More time is being spent praying alone or with others over the last three months that I can recall.  You add the discipline of remaining open to God through His word to praying to make the prayers and the living a dynamic facet of your faith.  There are times when I am reading or praying that the thought crosses my mind about why should I even do this.  We do all of this even when going into real difficulty so we grow into His presence and not let the trial be the final word.  We do it not because we are dying but because we are living.

Those times of prayer over the last few months mean more than most anything to me.  People that I know as well as total strangers joined me in asking God for His best in these times.  Maybe it is true that healing didn't happen as we often would ask God to do.  There would be no great miracle to free me from this travail.  Remission did happen and now this treatment offers a real chance at being free from this ugly disease.  Maybe there were other miracles though.  Relationships deepen.  Prayers take on a real heart for God.  Scripture is more than history.  God is more than way out there watching and waiting.  We just learn how to make our mental religion something that is personal and real.  I know this all sounds simplistic.  It maybe even sounds like a shallow answer to real trials.  But we have time to go deeper over the next few weeks.  I'm not going anywhere for awhile.

Bro. Trey