I was in college still when my first church conflict erupted. Details are a little fuzzy since its been nearly thirty years ago. Seems like one of the members was about to make a mountain out of a molehill. Oddly enough this was only one of the times in that church where what little I knew about conflict resolution would be needed. I do remember that it was a Wednesday night when all was to come to a head. My role was as interim pastor of a small congregation in North Louisiana. You pretty much went to the middle of nowhere then turned left...or right. There was not much time to prepare for this clash. It was sink or swim and by all rights the option left for me should be to sink. How did I handle such a moment? I prayed. What that means is I prayed for almost an hour non stop. This was not private prayer but in the beginning of the service or whatever gathering it was. I began my prayer and did not stop for almost an hour. We did indeed get a grip on whatever the problem was but that began my journey into the strange but real world of disagreements in church.

Praying for an hour may not always be an option in facing conflict but it worked back then. Maybe it should be our choice more often than we think. Experience tells me that far too much of such trouble are not about issues but about personality. Even people who are saved are very much able to allow the sinful self to shine through. Conflict can be defined as two people who desire to take up the same space whether that be emotionally, physically or even spiritually. You usually have individuals who perhaps feel slighted or sometimes carry other baggage around with them. There is usually some trigger that creates the spark to initiate the conflict. What never ceases to amaze me is how ugly things get even while people keep quoting scripture or reciting religious sayings. I know this first hand. Unfortunately even my family carries the scars of "friends" who said and did things that bleed into the area of betrayal. Later many of these same people will smile, be nice in trying to move past that behavior without any grasp on the depth of the damage caused. One does not become a minister without knowing little is ever what it appears.

I say all of that as a foundation. Curing such issues is something that often escapes me. Nothing can ever improve unless genuine repentance or renewal happens with those who become angry. You cannot wait for feelings to improve as often these emotions only lead you to further anger. Obedience is hard but essential in times like these. It is more than being the bigger person. This means choosing to take scripture seriously so it can heal your heart and then your behavior. We often fail in taking another person as valued in God's eyes. We can allow our words to contain the direct opposite of blessing. We may believe that the other person is the one acting wrong without ever having the guts to be honest about our actions. One of the real tragedies of this scenario lies in our blindness to our bad character. We eventually wind up being Christian only to those we feel deserve our kindness. Notice this attitude is far from biblical grace.

Jesus knew about our human tendency in relationships. It is the reason I think that He says so much about love. His understanding of that four letter word is not casual or shallow. Love meant suffering while being obedient to God. It also meant choosing to risk loving those who might not return that feeling. We will have to do the same if we want to break the cycle of conflict. We probably need to say more on this yet again. Just know that if we have every spiritual gift or ability yet miss love that scripture says we are nothing. That may sound harsh but you have to admit it is right on target. This will take more than an hour of praying. It will call for a lifetime of obedience to the one who loves us in spite of ourselves.

Bro. Trey