Looking back at life is not always healthy.  It's easy to overlook what may be in store for us as we move ahead each day.  My suggestion is to always keep the backward gaze to a minimum as you tend to lose touch with the present tense.  But we talked last week about doing some historical remembrance of days gone by.  That journey begins this evening.  Have no anxiety as our focus is mostly a general overview of nearly thirty years of ministry.  I really do not know if there is any definite record of my efforts over the last three decades.  There are a few things to keep in mind while moving forward.  My memories belong to me.  This means I know full well it is only from a single perspective.  My feelings on any given incident can only reflect my views on it.  I am old enough to know that my opinion is not always the right one.  Also remember that whatever is said is not to seek pity or sympathy should it be a negative experience.  Any mistake or failure through the years rests on my shoulders alone.  Guess it's a good thing those shoulders have extra room for that. 

Let me just throw some general observations out tonight.  Most of my career revolves around being placed in circumstances that were difficult at best.  Very few of my congregations did not deal with serious obstacles to their health.  One church still mourned a former pastor who left for another ministry.  I still believe God moved me there to close the door behind him.  Those days were as Charles Dickens wrote, "the best of times and the worst of times."  Another congregation experienced some solid growth until the local military base closed which just brought it to a halt.  We were able to at least lower their debt while getting them ready for the man who followed me.  My move to my current setting led to issues that would derail much of what was in my heart.  Remember that this is not making an excuse but is just a statement of reality.  I will talk more about these things in other posts along the way.

How does a person respond to so much conflict during those years?  That is a question we do not often ask.  Some believe a minister should be immune to its effects.  Perhaps there are those in the average congregation who think the pastor is not human.  He should be able to just absorb criticism or face challenges without any emotional cost.  It well may be that some guys can do just that.  Do not count me as one of those invincible types.  My personality tends to absorb punishment but not without a price to pay.  One of my recent discoveries is just how much the years are taking a toll on me.  Again, this really is not the fault of anyone but me.  What can escape us is just how much we suffer during these times without replacing our inner strength by our relationship with God.  It can become a struggle just to keep up with everything happening around you without digging deep into His grace.  Vince Lombardi once said that fatigue makes cowards of all of us.  He is right on target in that observation.  Maybe this is one reason for the denial by Simon Peter.  He let his entire being get overloaded until he lost the courage to remain true.  It can happen to any of us.

My point is that you or I can get worn down beyond what we realize.  Our lives can demand much of us in so many ways that we begin to just burn out.  What is tragic is how it happens without our even being aware of it.  Now be sure that this does not need to be the last word in your journey.  You will first have to recognize what is taking place.  Secondly, you will need the desire for things to change.  What happens is we grow so accustomed to our condition that we are content to stay there.  You cannot get past the years of trials without both of these truths.  I know full well how much the past conflicts wore me down.  Not a day passes where the effects are not felt in my world.  This is one of those realities that must be faced daily.  Not many professional ministers will admit to these feelings.  It is also possible that not all experience them in great amounts.  Do not count me as one immune to this problem.  My humanity is such that those emotions wash over me in full force.  You cannot blame anyone but me for this one. 

More will be said in later posts about other struggles.  This is probably enough for one night.  God's goodness still is our resource for any time of tribulation.  That is one lesson worth learning even in the worst of times.

Bro. Trey