We will write blog post 300 sometimes this week. That sounds decent but if you remember we started a few years ago. There are lots of empty months without writing. The journey is some trial and lots of error. The largest percentage of writing took place within the last two months or so. Writing here is occasionally easy. Most of the time my efforts were not clearly as simple. I went back last night to review the years of writing up until now. Memories came flooding into my mind. There are so many things written where I may be the only one who knew what it meant. I could see patterns of difficulty slipping into the words. There were times where my best efforts to enlighten just fell flat. I also remembered the very stressful days of only a few years ago. How was I to know that time would make this part of the journey pale in comparison?

Looking back on some of those experiences is still painful. Let me admit to any or all my contributions to make it this way. October will end ten years of ministry in this setting. Many of those days were overloaded with obstacles within and without. They began the very day of the moving van depositing our stuff at the house. In many ways it only went downhill from there. I believe that I did try to push through all the crises in a biblical manner. But there is no illusion here that my motives were always pure. A person can only take so much upheaval until cracks begin to show in a life. Yes, some of those are self inflicted. Some even become places to stop moving forward by choosing to just down right in the dumps. I know because on some occasions my choice was to sit down then decorate the dumps for a long term stay.

There were and still are some people here who mean the world to me. It was their encouragement that let me know I was not totally crazy. Of course, if they are off themselves then who knows what it says about all of us? All of us need people who can hasten our departure out of the dumps. We all need people who can pray for or with us. Let me assure you that whoever your minister is that he needs that also. We do need honesty in relationships. We cannot be isolated from difficulty. Our ego must be so under control that a simple comment does not fester into a direct attack. If we are choosing sides with a congregation that is going to mean we leave God out of the equations. That would be called a "lose/lose" proposition.

A thought occurred to me today. What happens when or if my doctor gives me a clean bill of health? This is more than a question over what color my hair may be on its return. Is God getting all He wants from me during this time? Just know that I am still pondering the idea. Of course my desire is for total remission with all that it means. My other desire is for real maturity to take place as we move along. I do not want to relive some of these past ten years. A prayer of mine is to be a different person by God's grace just it is to be a healthy person by medicine. I would like the next 300 posts to reflect not what is happening around me but what God is doing in me. More to come soon.

Bro. Trey