There are some things in ministry that are just taboo. You might be surprised to hang around a group of preachers while listening to their conversations. One of the really odd places to do this would be at a large convention type setting. Once upon a time my calendar included such occasions. It did not take me long to figure out that I didn't really fit in there. My problem is that ministry is what I try to do but it is not who I am. Anyway, we ministers will talk long and hard about some topics while avoiding others like the plague. Transparency is one of the hot words of our day. You will see it in discussions about our government. Just let me be honest enough to say that it is not one of the big words among ministers. We tend to be as transparent as the bulkhead of a battleship.

If anyone still reads this blog my hope is you won't misunderstand where this is going. My other desire is you won't feel too uncomfortable should this wind up being a revelation to you. Perhaps coming through this illness makes me even more of a contrarian than before. I think it's in my genes. Ministers are really human beings. I know that not all of us act like that but we are. We are born just the same as any other person. Our introduction to the world was in the bald, toothless and naked category. Somewhere along the line far too many of my brethren tend to forget that. Not only do we get a new vocabulary but we start talking in ways like no one else on planet earth. We also tend to forget our humanity if we are not careful.

The emotional life of ministry is as diverse as human experience. Depression and stress are normally noted as the leading cause of preachers seeking medical help. It would not really amaze me to find out how many have real issues with anger. Don't forget the ongoing presence of guilt for some of us. We who study grace for a living often miss out on forgiveness in our personal life. Not being able to really experience these emotions is the straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back. When you do not allow yourself to be a human being it becomes very hard to process human feelings. When your mindset is one where God should solve all of your problems faster than a microwave then it becomes difficult to trust Him for the long haul. When you cannot afford to allow others to know of your humanity then you forfeit one of God's methods for being whole.

Years ago I decided that my character mattered more than my conduct. Allow me to explain. If your personal life is broken or unhealthy then you behavior follows. When your inner life is maturing then the same result is true. You will do things that display that growth. This is not to say anyone should do as I do. My point is simply that being honest about where you are in your journey is far better than denying any problems. Some people live with what I call a "broken brain." Issues of depression or anger are not the result of a poor faith for these individuals. Some just have chemical/medical issues that are beyond their control. Some are trying to project a happy facade while carrying around the baggage of unresolved hurts. I will agree that sometimes the root of an issue is sin. But that does not leave the rest of us free to also sin in how we relate to these people.

David was a young man when anointed king. One moment he was a shepherd out in the fields. The next moment he is being named the leader of the great nation of Israel. God purposed to use him in ways he could not begin to imagine. He also sends David to live with a mentally ill man named Saul. Here the future ruler would learn how to dodge spears being thrown at him without retaliating in anger. Peter would become the leader of the early church in the book of Acts. His path to leadership begins not with ambition but with a massive dose of forgiveness. Both men would blaze trails for us to ponder. Yet each will come to grips with their humanity along with their calling. My personal opinion is that each great leader in scripture went through this same process. It is when they forget the human dimension of life that they begin to miss the mark. Nothing has changed from then until now.

Let me stop for the night. Just remember those of us in ministry work are simply flesh and blood. We fail sometimes more than we succeed. It's what we do with our humanity in relation to God that makes the ultimate difference.

Bro. Trey