A funny thing happened on the way to church today. I didn't wear my hat in public. This may be the first time since the hair gave out that it wasn't on top of my head. It's just a plain white golf hat but it is normally a constant when out and about. Not sure why today was the day to forsake it. I would imagine it has something to do with tomorrow being my last day for chemo. Maybe it was some small act of rebellion on my part. This would not surprise me at all even though it did not cross my mind. Just felt like a good day to rage against the system or at least against the covered head.

You would think that I would wear one constantly after yesterday. It was picture day for a new directory here. Let me interject here that my youngest did an awesome job having his photo made. Dad got his tie ready for him so that we somewhat match. His pictures should be great. Mine will keep any animal out of any garden around here. It is time for yet another confession during this journey. I absolutely hate my appearance now. If anyone stumbles across this blog you should know that my hair left me back in July or early August. The chemo finally won. Part of that confession includes how my feelings on my appearance also affects my self image. You would think that someone approaching fifty years of age would be past such nonsense. Whenever I look in a mirror or like yesterday in a photography it makes me wonder who that is in the reflection. Yes, hair loss is a small price to pay in return for my healthy prognosis. But I have to admit that it really bugs me.

We do tend to get bent out of shape over small things in life. My theory is that is is somehow woven into our human nature. We can overlook greater blessings at the expense of small troubles. Our typical desire is for life to be perfect but for that perfection to measure up to our expectation. No wonder we can feel let down on a regular basis. One of the other results is how we settle for the tiny blessings from God without allowing His full benefit to become a reality. This is one of the initial lessons for me during the summer months. There was a growing awareness that what we usually receive from God is only a small amount of what He wishes to do. Do you ever wonder why that is?

Perhaps we settle for less than the best from fear of what God's greatness might do to our carefully constructed world? There are more than a few people who are as regular as rain in church services who want God to bless their best efforts. That doesn't sound too bad until you take into account a lack of openness to God's will for life. These folks are not really bad people but neither do they experience the divine best. Some people are afraid that God will ask them to do things they simply do not want to do. Ours is a generation where even the religious world is all about someone doing it for them. We have just enough of God to keep us looking good. We may not have enough of Him to actually make a difference in our world.

We are studying the book of Joel on Sunday nights here. I may be the only one enjoying this material but hopefully not. God promises in this book to pour out blessings far beyond what the people can imagine. He also reassures them of His desire to be alive in their midst. Maybe it's just me but that sounds like a good deal. God says that what He will do in response to the open heart of the people will amaze those who may be observing. Far too often those who observe today may be amazed at how little we actually let God do. One can only hope that we will learn to let God be God in all of His goodness. At least that is the way I see it.

Bro. Trey