Being honest about conflict is something we usually don't do very well. Sometimes the topic gets swept under the rug since it can make us uncomfortable. Other times it seems like we enjoy it way too much. Avoidance is a behavior that makes sense. What disturbs me are those few people who appear to revel in conflict. Every congregation will have at least a few individuals who act as if they enjoy stirring up trouble. Scripture tells us that being obedient may lead us into trouble of a divine nature. I do not live with great anticipation of those who think that rocking the boat is a spiritual gift. There has to be a better way for us to deal with this.

Don't think that my words here will give away all of my secrets for dealing with conflict. Some of my approach needs to be kept under wraps. I will tell you that no one can deal with fussing and fighting without a biblical foundation. No person can live in line with God's word yet be comfortable with this behavior. Jesus will tell us more about relationships with each other than He does most any other church matter. He places the responsibility squarely on our shoulders to live with kindness, patience and grace. There is no doubt that our life will have more than its share of people who are difficult at best. Some people may move beyond difficult to being destructive. But we are not allowed the option of disregarding the biblical truth in our relationships. You cannot select only those scriptures that fit into your personality. Being a follower of Jesus covers all our life. It also makes that life easier to understand.

The greatest temptation in conflict is to take our emotional cues from another person. Obedience enables us to respond to God more than we do to an unhealthy individual. This is an act of freedom for our spirit. I do fully realize more than you may know just how damaging people can be. I also know this can include your family as well as your friends. This is why conflict is so painful. Our entire heart is at stake in these times. The closer you are to the one who hurts you will determine the potential damage that occurs. We tend to expect people in church to act like followers of Jesus. Bad behavior disappoints us as it begins to take a toll on the relationship. Trust is lost. Words disintegrate into the expression of our pain. We lose sight of God's truth. No wonder church conflict is so poisonous.

God's word offers healing for the heart that is bruised. Many times you will find insight for not just your pain but for what God can do that is bigger than the hurt. I often will read through the Psalms for my benefit. The writers speak often to personal battles between the evil and the innocent. They tell us that these events happen even to the best of us. They also tell us that God can restore even our worst brokenness. David knew what it is like to have even close friends commit awful acts of betrayal. He will still write toward the end of his days how God restores his soul. Forgiveness was possible not because he had it easy but because he knew God. His answer is our answer. There really is no other way.

Bro. Trey