Tomorrow is my three month trip to the oncologist.  It still makes me look twice to read I actually have such a doctor.  Hopefully this will be yet another checkup with no sign of disease.  They will again take blood before my visit with her.  Monday of next week will be the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.  Maybe this is why my mind keeps coming back to that experience lately.  The finality of my disease is even now still sinking in for me.  This is not to say my cancer is back.  It is more the ongoing understanding that my world will be tethered to tests and doctors for a very long time.  One can hope that it is this way for a long time.  Either way, there is no release for me from this doctor.  The question is not if I will be seeing her but when or why.  I am content with going the checkup route.

Also, do not think of my mood as somber about this.  Feelings are fickle anyway before you even begin.  Seems to me that it is far better to stay in front of this diagnosis than get behind.  It is up to me in deciding how to deal with this reality.  How we view our world will go a very long way in determining what choices we make.  Some see this earthly journey as the sum total of random happenings.  Stephen Hawking wrote this week that all there is in life is what we have now.  He is not alone in that approach.  More than a few people go through this life as if there is nothing afterward.  Such a philosophy comes with its own set of consequences.  Perhaps it may lead you to enjoy all of this world that you can but it really does not give you much reason to be a better person. 

I do not or cannot share that mindset.  Being a person of faith calls for trust in life beyond now.  Just keep in mind that such a vision will not lessen the pain of bad news.  One thing stays with me after this year.  Life is a gift even if we do not know its limits.  To be alive matters as much in good health as it does in bad.  We can place our life at God's disposal regardless of the conditions.  So many believers tend to be waiting until all is perfect before making that choice.  What some of us know is that perfect day never really arrives.  It is a myth or a mirage that keeps us from letting God into our present reality.  David will express in the Psalms how he wrestles with a painful world even while looking to God.  His hope is not just in things getting better but in a present tense God.  Even our book of Revelation will follow that pattern.  John sees how hard things become but he also never loses sight of a great and awesome God.  He shows us how the eternal God is involved in the nasty now and near of life.  Sounds like a message needed for us today.

My troubles are no greater than another person experiences.  They are simply mine alone.  For not only are my days tied to a doctor but they are also in God's hands.  That is more than enough for me.

Bro. Trey