Today was my two month check up with the cancer doctor. It was my first one since having my port removed back in December. Going back after a time does bring about interesting emotions. I can remember most of my walks through the parking lot during the diagnosis as well as treatment days. Just taking that stroll reminds me of so many feelings of that time. My weight just refuses to come down very much. All of my exercise took two pounds off my weight according to the scales. Getting into my jeans again may be my best hope. On one hand it is a good thing to see people who were gracious to me during my journey. But you can also recognize the worry expressed in the faces of those who sit in the waiting room. Oncology is becoming more and more a science of hope and healing. We just do not have all of the answers yet with new medicine or therapies. Not everyone receives good news along the way. This is one thing my doctor and I discuss often during my visits. We live in a world with more questions than answers. I talked about this over the weekend with my neighbors. Walking through the shadow of death due to cancer is something all too familiar to them. Behind our houses lie their daughter and a grandson. This horrible disease took two lives far too early with its usual cruelty. My story continues to go well but there is always the knowledge that not all stories end well. I am reminded of that when I return to the clinic. Relief is not the primary emotion as much as there comes a new sense of gratitude. I thanked my doctor again today for all of her efforts. She then thanked me for responding so well to treatment. Hugging her really is no option given the nature of doctor/patient relationships. But one can hope she knows my heart. Remission is the technical term for my current place in life. Odds are that not all cells are gone from lymphoma. My immune system now is in charge of controlling or eliminating any potential recurrence. I may go a day, a week, a month, a year or decades without a relapse. All of those issues now rest in the hands of God. My part seems to be in taking every day as a precious gift from Him. My next visit is in three months. We get to add a month now between checkups. The six month anniversary of my remission will be behind me then. I have little doubt that a flood of feelings will come my way again. My heart will hurt once more for those who still fight the good fight. My mind will try to wrap around cosmic meanings to disease or even death. I will be glad to see familiar faces while wishing them the very best. It is not that I am a particularly brave person by nature. But now there is a freedom to spend less time on the trivial while looking for what truly matters. I walk alone in that sense. Not everyone will share these new found values. But this is where I am by the grace of God. I am alive. And today that is enough.

Bro. Trey