Let me apologize for this post before we get too far into it.  It is one of those that may sound like complaining or even whining.  None of us really care for people who whine so I try to avoid it.  Think of tonight as just simply laying out some things that normally get very little attention.  The part that will be misunderstood is that it is really about me.  Being selfish is one of those things we do not easily confess.  We usually just do not see our attitude or action as being self serving.  It is one of our huge blind spots.  But there are times when we need to address things even if we run the risk of seeming egocentric.  So forgive me for just being honest here.  Sometimes life is not easy or pretty.

Many pastors do work very hard at their job.  One reason is that doing church work is always a challenge with the many crises that arise in any given day.  Some ministers may work too hard if the truth were known.  Far too many men lose credibility with their children by choosing to do the minor parts of church life rather than being present for the kids.  One of my early decisions was that my children would not have to look at my picture to remember how I look.  My goal was to raise them as normal as possible without all of the pressures that can develop when being a minister.  That decision has not changed one bit over the years.  I also will not apologize for choosing family or kids over work.  This is even more settled since becoming a cancer survivor.

But one thing is very different now.  My daughter is away at college so it is my task to be free for my autistic son whenever needed.  Just today was a call from the school to come up and help out with something.  It did not take long nor was he in trouble.  But it was only one thing for us to do this day.  We also took him to the doctor for an annual checkup.  Other fun errands followed that adventure.  Getting home just meant a few minutes of free time before doing homework for the night.  He does a great job doing his assignments.  Then it was all of the getting ready for bed stuff.  We seem to be able to cram a lot of stuff into a small amount of time.  Tomorrow carries the same expectation for the activities.  The question is not if we will be busy but what will we be busy doing? 

You may be noticing a trend developing.  My daughter is a great help with him when she is home.  Now it is primarily my job to be the dad whenever there is a need.  So what am I going to do about my other job of being a minister?  There are only so many hours in any day but it is my task to use them well.  I did some administrative stuff today while in the office.  I also am making a new effort to keep up with reading books related to church life.  Two brand new works sit by my chair at home.  So far we are aiming at a chapter each day.  There is also the reality that taking care of myself is not an option.  Exercise and rest are critical for my well being.  This is more than my physical health but it matters for my emotional and spiritual life.  I did the dying thing once already and that was enough for me. 

There is going to be a balance between being a dad and being a pastor.  It may take some time to find it but it is possible.  Stress is the friend of no one.  All of us have to seek a manner of living that is challenging without tearing us down.  Jesus models that tension of being busy doing God's work while having time to stay fresh.  He made time to spend with friends or be alone or just step away from being too busy.  I am a long way from doing that but it's still a goal.  Some will find fault with these priorities and I understand that.  God decided to give me a special needs son.  He also allows me to hopefully keep things going with other needs in home life.  Failing at any of this is not really an option.  Maybe my next writing on this will not be so stressed.  Guess we will find out the answer to this together. 

Bro. Trey