My mind is blank yet again sitting here in front of the keyboard. Ideas are hard to come by at night it seems. If only there was a way to write while driving or running errands. There is no shortage of direction for the blog while doing that. Perhaps it is a good time to just touch on where we are in the journey of this disease. Today was the day for the Cat Scan. Things went far different than my expectations. It was my pleasure to drink up a bottle of barium prior to the scan. You would think science would develop either a better method or at least fix the taste of that stuff. No one told me there would be dye injected through my port that is normally used for the chemo. All of this happened on an empty stomach which only compounded matters. The scan itself went just fine. Nothing to report at the moment. My guess is the doctor will tell me what the scan shows upon my return visit on Thursday. We shall see.

I cannot begin to guess the outcome of the scan. Appearances would indicate at least some level of good news. We all know how deceiving those can be. Someone asked me what I expect with the results. My mind has no real lean toward either the good or the bad. Either outcome is very possible. Good news is what my heart honestly hopes for from the doctor. Experience tells me however that anything is possible. Today seemed like there were lots of really sick people in the waiting room. You probably would not know my body is sick if you did not know I did not voluntarily cut my hair. Can any normal human being not be moved when seeing the cost this disease takes from people? My cancer is very often treatable with excellent results. Others are not nearly as fortunate.

My theology does not allow for the idea that God enjoys what any of my fellow travelers are going through. This is an ugly and brutal illness that takes few prisoners when it hits. Why would a loving God allow this to happen to people we believe that He created? Trust me, I wish there was a good answer here. One thing that is evident is our bodies are very limited even without the ravages of disease. We are not born with guarantees on how long we get to be here. My opinion is we should grasp that idea so we can fill each day with all life has to offer. I also wonder why some seem to challenge life with habits or lifestyles that are certain to curtail our ability to be fully functional. This is not to say that every person should train for the Olympics. If we say God gave us life then we should we not also do our part as stewards of this gift?

It seems like humanity can be bound together by the obstacles we face. Trials come to all whether in small or large portions. It was Job who asked, "shall we accept good from God and not adversity?" Maybe we should stop being so surprised at the arrival of difficulty. It would also help if we stop making things worse for us in this world. Obedience is not a warranty against the evils of life on this planet. It is not a matter of if we suffer heartbreak but when will it happen. We can anchor our life to God not as a buffer against bad but as the source for all that is good in our world. We can move past clever sayings into a deep understanding of His nature. None of this will promise the answer to why stuff happens. That response is something that can be learned perhaps only in eternity. One of my lessons during this time is how God can still distribute blessings even when medical reports go amiss. He really is the source of all that is hopeful when we are hurting. My fondest hope would be for you to discover that long before life derails.

Bro. Trey