Tomorrow may be a significant day for me. In some respects it may be one of the most important days of my life. Whether it is a good or bad day remains to be seen. Monday was the day for my Cat Scan. It is the first real medical test since my treatment got underway. Three rounds are behind me with the fourth scheduled for next Monday. Every week is a visit to the lab for blood work but most of that is counting the number of cells on that day. You do not want to have too few red or white cells as you go through this therapy. It is no guarantee that any results from the scan will be in tomorrow. My guess is there will be a report of some form or fashion. Whenever the results are in will be a measuring point of if or how well the treatment is working. Let's hope it says the toxic medicine is doing what it is supposed to do to my disease.

My guess is there will be plenty of nerves as the appointment time draws close. Right now there really are no butterflies in the stomach to notice. Lately my emotional state seems to be in the dull routine of doing my time with the treatment. That would be to be expected when you consider my usual personality. It is true that far too often my approach is laid back. There are not too many highs while moving through the day. One negative to this is the lows tend to out number the highs. I probably guard against being disappointed by doing this. This is not said as being a good thing. It surely is not a positive if developed over time and experience.

There is always the potential for tomorrow to be bad. My tendency however is to shut down any possibility of tomorrow actually going well. Maybe some of this is due to being in the middle part of this marathon. All signs point to the fact that the chemicals are working. Remember that the original growth behind my right ear disappeared immediately after the second round. My body feels much better during the week prior to chemo. The difference in energy is noticeable even if the weather is much too hot to enjoy it. I said that my doctor is optimistic about how things are going. The desire is there to believe her but it still seems hard to wrap my mind around that optimism.

Therein lies part of the problem. Do we become too adjusted to the negative that we lose sight of the positive? Reading the Psalms shows us a wide range of emotion. Sometimes the writer is dealing with some very large difficulties. On other occasions the words just overflow with gratitude for God's blessing. Both are equally valid. There is one constant in either types of emotional being. The believer is encouraged to trust God in good times and bad. We are to see Him as our source of hope no matter the conditions. It very well may be that we miss some of God's best by being pessimistic. Maybe that is a symptom of where our heart tends to look. Denial is never good. False expectations may be just as harmful as low expectations. We can however keep our attention fixed on God while letting Him unfold His plan for our life. There need not be any regrets for us living this way. Live looking to God and His will so you can know His presence constantly. It may not be easy but it will help with being emotionally healthy.

Bro. Trey