This entire journey into this illness is uncharted territory for me. Most of my years are a record of relatively good health. I was in the hospital only twice before now in my 49 years. The first time was for my actual birth. That was back in New Orleans when I entered this world. The other time was in Houston to repair a detached retina two weeks after my daughter was born. Any bones that were broken were small and mostly taped up. It's even been a few years since the flu visited me in any shape or form. Believe me when I say that I am grateful for God's goodness over my life.

I surely never expected to deal with any kind of illness like cancer. If nowhere is truly a place then that is where it came out of recently. For almost twenty years my routine revolved around getting regular exercise. I never inhaled nicotine directly much less any other drug. No doubt this is one reason why this diagnosis is so hard to wrap my mind around. There are still no other symptoms of cancer other than what the tests revealed. My weight is still the same. Yesterday, I got in my usual three mile walk/run in very good shape. Tonight, I just had time to do some weight lifting and felt as strong as ever. Yet in two days the doctors will slice me open to insert a device so we can commence chemotherapy. It just feels so weird.

One of my real major struggles if not a sin is the obsessing over what is going on with me. I do think God is dealing with some major fears in my approach to life. The problem for me is to keep my head on straight when others feel anxious around me. God gifted me with a personality that can pick up the emotions of others without a word being said. It is as if He gave me an internal antenna to sympathize with what people are feeling. Many times that is a wonderful gift in the midst of ministry. Yet in my own adventure of adversity it can be a detriment to staying tuned into Him. My focus needs to be on what God is doing not always what others are feeling.

Perhaps this is a reason I get weary of talking about being sick. That does not mean weary in terms of not wanting others to care or offer encouragement. It just means that for me it can actually cause fatigue. One good thing about my job is it allows me to tell lots of people at one time what is exactly going on with me. Plus there is this blog which gives me the freedom to pass along information in a safe setting. My disease cannot be allowed to define me. My attention is coming more and more to rest in what God says along the way. Sometimes this may mean that I just don't want to ramble on about this. I already have the cancer. Now what I need is the strength to build a life based on this new normal. My church family is doing a wonderful job of helping that happen. My heart is full of gratitude for every word or action they grace me with as I go. To them I say thank you. God is going to do something amazing in these days. I know because it already started with His presence being more real to me. My hope is that it won't take something awful for you to also discover this gift.

Bro. Trey