Let's be honest. Today was a hard day. Physically, I still feel fine. It seems that will change in the next few weeks. Spiritually, I am holding my own. It would be better for me to tell you that my spiritual life is growing by leaps and bounds. Perhaps just calling it a process of growth is more accurate. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful more and more each day to God. His goodness does indeed outweigh any of the bad going on with this. Each day brings yet another promise from His word. But there have been no great moments of clarity that overwhelm me. It is just day to day fighting off the negative to be in a place to receive new truth.

Oh, this is a good time to mention that writing here may be less frequent after Monday. It seems that between the medicines and the treatment I can look forward to the possibility of emotional upheaval. I promise not to write should that happen. If there is no solid footing both emotionally and spiritually then it will be best not to blog. You do not deserve to read the feelings that may be prevalent. It sounds like there is the potential for a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde transformation between the treatment along with the steroids. Doesn't this sound like fun?

Anyway, today was not easy. I am beginning to think that my doctor just doesn't want me to be optimistic. Yes, I am sick. Yes, I have more of this cancer than we first thought. But, there is no reason not to hope for total remission along the way. Again, I do indeed ask God to heal me. There is no doubt in my mind that this cannot be a time for miracles. Somehow I tend to feel worse after seeing her than when my visit started. It really irritates me to the point of wanting even more to be successful in treatment or even made whole. My reason is just to show her that it can be done. Who knows? It could even be a witness for her journey of faith.

The night is better. Most of the anxiety is gone. It took some extra praying but when is that a bad thing? Tomorrow my son and I head for the big city to take in a musical production. This event is the biggest thing on his calendar. That means it is an important day to me. We get lots of time to ride and just be silly. God is still good. Life is still good. There will be days when the weight of all this gets to me. Bear with me until either it passes or God offers a new word for the occasion. I know that probably no one but me reads this but for the one who passes by it is a reminder. My belief is that God gives us grace to live each day. That is my anchor for the momentary squalls of fear. Maybe it can be yours also.

Bro. Trey