Usually this is the night that I enjoy just sitting back and unwinding. It is Sunday night and time gets spent reviewing the events of the day. This night is far different than any other. Tomorrow is my first day of treatment for cancer. The night almost feels like it should come with a last meal. Let's hope that tomorrow night we can report no major side effects from the day. The turmoil leading up to this is more than enough to bring its own issues. I need to remember that the world will not end tomorrow. That is in spite of what my emotions are doing lately.

Yesterday was a great day. We kind of went as a family to see Wicked the musical in Dallas. I say kind of as we met up at the theater. My youngest and I left in the morning from here to meet the girls there. Half of the fun was being with him for the day. This musical has been circled on his calendar since the day of the ticket purchase. He kept peeking through the doors into the theater waiting for them to open. He sat mostly still while absorbing every sight and sound. He absolutely made my day. It was much better than sitting at home counting down to the visit tomorrow.

The statistics and such are very much in my favor. Treatment has a very high success rate. Research is slow to develop but there are reasons for hope in the medical advances. It very well may be that this disease goes into total remission over the next few months. There are no promises but if my case can be anywhere near normal then the odds are in my favor. That is easy to forget as time moves along very slowly. Here is where my struggle begins.

Let me confess to having great anxiety in the last few days. Perhaps some of it just stems from the side effects of chemotherapy. No one could look forward to the diverse outcomes when you introduce a violent mix of chemicals into your body. No doubt that these thoughts lead to fear. Part of me thinks that the sum total of the last few weeks is taking its toll. Six weeks ago I was a fairly normal healthy guy. Tonight I am headed into the dungeon of treatment. It is more than a little frustrating to wrap your mind around. Even if my case is in good hands it does not eliminate my irritation at the predicament. My worries also include the effects that treatment may have on my family along with life in general.

Today is a good example on the wear and tear of all of this. The morning message was light years away from a masterpiece. If you look at my calendar from last week you will see that I was doing doctor stuff four days out of the five. Concentrating on study was difficult for me. I do not want what work that I do to suffer during this time. Maybe the number of trips will slow down so there is time to prepare. We haven't even yet mentioned guilt as one of the indirect events of this diagnosis. We will save that for another time. Let's close tonight with me saying that there is on way of knowing what will or will not happen tomorrow or following. My hope and prayer is all of this with God's help will benefit others somehow. We will let you know as soon as possible how it all goes. Until then, my prayer is just for God to display Himself in whatever happens.

Bro. Trey