So there was this one day when Jesus went to church.  It made such a huge impression than Matthew, Mark and Luke record the events of the day for us.  Mark puts it pretty close to the start of his gospel.  Jesus went home in some respects and did what most people did in that day.  He went to church.  They called it a synagogue but church is far easier to spell.  Now remember that no one really knew who He was at that time.  He was not yet the celebrity that would follow in a short amount of time.  You can then only imagine the emotional effect of what Jesus did that day would have on those who were there.

The first thing that Jesus does is to take the Old Testament reading of the day and speak about it.  We may not know what He read but we do know what was the response.  People in attendance were amazed at how He spoke about God and the truth.  Their words were to the point of Jesus speaking with authority unlike the usual speakers at the service.  I think this means He didn't talk about what people thought of the scripture but what it really was all about.  This is what He does in the Sermon on the Mount.  No place was found for rehashing tired old ideas when Jesus cut to the point so God could speak to those listening.  His would be a first person authority rather than reciting the rules around the word.  That was enough to gain the attention of those there but more would follow.

It seems one person had a major problem with Jesus.  Actually, the problem was this person being inhabited by evil in the form of a demon.  Now some scholars may dismiss this as the old beliefs before we would be enlightened.  But it is just my humble opinion that what is recorded is what happened.  This time we read of Jesus dismissing the evil or the demon with a simple command.  Again the people exclaim wonder at this authority of Jesus to cast out this horrible being.  Jesus doesn't gloat over this power nor does He use the moment to call attention to Himself.  But that will not change the reactions of the people as they left church to tell others what they saw in Jesus.  Today was no ordinary day of worship as He displays a real authority to change the lives of others.

Church people tend to get worked up over this problem of authority.  We point to our positions or our accomplishments as some mark of power.  Jesus needs none of that as He simply takes action to bring God's presence into the world.  Other people claim a sense of authority due to longevity or having donated more to the church than another.  Real authority is the result of one thing only.  Is there the living presence of God active through you to change the lives of others?  No other measure really holds up in the Kingdom.  Some may brag or parade around as having something that God doesn't hold in high value.  Let a person begin to see God work through them and discover how threatening it is to the status quo.  May there come a day when we count authority in the same way as Jesus.  That time cannot come soon enough.

Bro. Trey

I confess to being a minimalist.  I do not need a lot of stuff to make me happy.  Maybe some of that is just being content with what I do have but either way it is true.  My closet gets cleaned out at least once a year of shirts or pants that were not worn over the last 365 days.  Most years will find me doing that twice.  Every so often I will gaze over the books in my library to decide which ones are really important.  That collection of books was once twice the size that it is now.  Some were left in other churches while some were sold or donated.  What is kept is usually somewhat valuable.

I say this because of recent developments here.  There was another cabinet clearing of books and papers just last week.  That is not the odd part of the matter.  What slowly crept into my mind was why some things are now being swept away.  I am getting older.  So much of what was cast aside was collected in my younger years.  There is a filing cabinet at home that carries my varied study notes and the like.  Even that was getting full with no room for what needed to be put in there.  I found myself discarding old files from perhaps thirty years ago.  The reason for such a sweep was I could not see me needing it over the next twenty years.  My actions were much the same as always but there was a creeping sense of a new motivation.

Most do not consider me particularly old.  Even my birthday may not say that antique status is around the corner.  But it does mean that so much of ministry is behind me rather than ahead of me.  I do believe the coming years can and should be the best after learning the hard way over and over again.  My goal is to keep active so age is an ally rather than a foe.  But at some point you have to realize that life counts as there are no do overs.  If you let me measure the past ministry you would find me to be my own worst critic. Sure there are many things that I would like to do over or different if given the chance.  We know that just is not possible.  Perhaps all anyone can do is offer that past to God for His blessing on our efforts.  But now we move into a new stage of life.

And so my cleaning out of files, papers, books becomes a real act of reflection.  What really gets me going with an energy that defies the calendar?  How much repetition do we experience moving in our journey rather than experiencing the newness of God?  Can we narrow down our focus to our core issues rather than being stuck in the traffic of lesser things?  All of this comes to mind for me lately.  I cannot give you any definitive answers just yet.  This is a process as well as a moment in time.  The answers will affect my work, my family and all that I am.  It is not enough to sweep out the old without also leaving room for the new.  That is my hope and desire.

Bro. Trey

Ever have God write a new verse in your Bible?  That is a phrase a family friend once used to describe the moment when you read a verse or passage in a new or fresh way.  She would describe it as the writing of a new verse.  We may not always do that or walk along in scripture the same manner.  It is a tragic thing to miss out on such experiences.  God's word has a way of revealing itself further or deeper as we go along in our study.  I got to have one of those moments yesterday while reading about John the Baptist.  It was as if God wrote a new verse in my mind when reading a familiar story.

Most of us who go to church know at least a little about John.  We hear his story from birth to his ministry around this time of the year in the church calendar.  One of the Sundays of Advent is usually devoted to one aspect of his narrative.  I was reading from Matthew 3 when something jumped out at me.  It tells us that John was in the wilderness as he began the ministry to which he was called.  Just those three words telling us where he was lodged in my brain.  John doesn't start his work in some grand cathedral or among the teeming masses but begins way out yonder in the wilderness.  That sounds odd to me.

Most people who lead in new church work or developing new ministries will do it where there are lots of people.  You research an area to discover who lives there and what are their characteristics.  No intelligent minister would start a cowboy church in an urban setting where people listen to classical or jazz music on the radio.  Would you really launch out into a grand children's work when you live among older adults?  Yet here we read about this evangelist starting his revival meetings way out there where the traffic patterns are limited.  Did he make a mistake or what exactly would God be doing to send him there?

Then we read in Luke 3 that God's word came to him while John was in that lonely place. It suggests not just an information dump from God but specific words directed to him for life and ministry.  We may wind up in the wilderness by dumb decisions of our own creation.  We may end up there because of conditions that are beyond us.  John is in a wilderness called of God to hear Him then respond to Him in obedience.  The result is that the crowds to come out to John as he obeys God in word and deed.  What started in an out of the way place will become a movement that ushers in God's best in Jesus.

Just remember one thing when reflecting on the gospel account.  God can speak to us anywhere, anytime, and in any place.  We limit Him when our view is the world must be perfect for God to operate.  We may also miss out when we are comfortable in life without our ears being in tune with God.  The greatest moments of our journey await us when we pay attention to what God is saying.  Maybe we think God is leading us into wilderness when that is exactly what He is doing.  He guides us where we do not understand in order to gain our full attention.  It worked out all right for John and it may just work out fine for us.

Bro. Trey

Trying to get back into the saddle is a bit more difficult than I imagined.  We get out of habits or routines for a time only to wrestle with stuff getting back to the norm. Here is an example.  Tons of people are going to sign up for health clubs during the next few weeks having made the resolution to get in shape.  Most of those new exercise fanatics will fall by the wayside by March or April.  We saw it happen every year when I was a health club member in Louisiana.  You could not get to the equipment for a month or two but by summer we were back to the same regulars who went year round.  Maybe one or two held on the their resolve but most would lose focus then wander away.  Think of me as one of those new members at the moment while trying to get back to life as I knew it.

There is also another thought to this theme.  Perhaps it would not be smart to get into the same saddle I had prior to all of the treatments and the transplant.  It could be that is time for a new saddle along with everything else.  Life is far more than just going back to what we had if that is far from God's best.  Paul would write to the Romans that they should discover God's will as they are transformed by His presence.  That may mean learning new stuff so we go on new journeys.  It may also mean letting go of the old that served as baggage though we had nowhere to go.  Being in the saddle should be no option for the believer but we tend to take it as something we may not care for.

Some avoid the journey from past hurts that haunt us.  There are believers that mean well but they are scared of anything new they cannot control.  Maybe we should not blame them as their scars are very real.  But they are missing out on God's best to settle for comfort now.  Others may avoid the journey as they enjoy the current saddle.  It fits them like a glove and doing anything new just doesn't appeal to them.  Theirs is a faith that recycles the memories of yesterday without a challenge to them.  That leads to a life without excitement, danger or faith.  People like that look good in their pews but notice if there is any real depth to their life.  We can go on and on but you get the idea.

Count me as one who wants a new saddle now.  Six weeks of being away from a normal life gives you a perspective.  Going back to my old saddle actually unnerves me a bit.  God wants to get us in the saddle with the purpose of keeping us new and fresh.  We do not face obstacles just because God wants to punish us but He longs to make us alive.  We fall short of His will if we are mad He wants us to change those saddles.  We fail to move forward when fear keeps us far away from the horse.  I want neither of those options.  Now that is not to say any of this is simple as it is not.  Neither is any of this painless.  But we get into all of this knowing our truest of hearts is aimed toward God and not self.  I choose to trust Him in these days of new discovery.  Maybe you can also.

Bro. Trey

Thank goodness that 2014 is coming to an end.  It's been the longest year ever around here.  There will be no list of crises we faced during the past twelve months.  Room doesn't remain here for that exercise.  Let's just leave it at few people are happier to start a new year than yours truly. Now we turn the calendar to a new year.  Just remember that you also change not just the year but each day.  We may have 2015 waiting on us but we go through it one day at a time.  I saw where someone wrote we have a blank book with 365 pages waiting to be written.  You can make decisions each day to fill it with stuff or with the awesome.  Far too many settle for stuff without making room for the awesome.

No one can predict what the year holds in any area of life.  You may read or watch lots of the experts suggest their ideas but no one on the planet knows the outcome.  I may hope to avoid any new ailments or any serious crisis but there are no promises.  Do we really want to focus on what may or may not happen or just move confidently in God's basic purposes?  One path leads to anxiety while the other does bring into existence a path to God's best.  My desire is to keep an eye each day on the basics to keep a firm foundation for the future.

There was one odd thought that crossed my mind while locked away in a hospital room for three weeks.  You may not understand but it's one that only a person who deals with life and death far too often.  I go through weeks of poison and pain for what reason.  Some do this with the idea that succeeding will promise life with comfort and ease.  I had the realization at some point that even being healthy now will not protect me from death at some point.  That may sound cold or even cruel but it is very true.  My greatest hope is to be healthy for as long as possible.  I would love to live a very long time but death is not to be escaped.

I know these are two very different and weird ideas but bear with me.  We do not know at all what 2015 will bring.  Putting every date on our calendar is an act of faith.  Do we or will we trust Him each day no matter the conditions?  That is the hard question.  You can respond to the good and the bad in this year either in full or blind faith in God or you can be swept away but events.  The good news is faith need not be blind.  You live in the light of His word every single day regardless of what takes place.  Here is the key to this.  Your life will be richer and fuller by His activity.  You will look past life and death issues to gaze in His wonderful face.  So the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Bro. Trey

Has anyone noticed the overflow of Christmas movies on television lately?  One channel seems determined to brainwash us with such films on a 24 hour basis.  Most of them are fluffy romance films with the holiday season being only the setting.  Telling a story during the Christmas season must change things for the writers of these efforts.  You do find some of the themes of this season should you watch.  Every film touches on peace, love, or joy as it tells its tale.  The couple usually do fall in love to end up living happily ever after.  Whatever miracle is required comes through at the last minute to bring everyone joy or something similar.  Even the worst of families or relationships are healed by peace.  I really do not mind these programs but they always leave something out.  Why do we even have a Christmas to begin with?

Some tell us that dark forces are taking Jesus out of Christmas to our danger.  Maybe that is true but what if it is something not so ominous?  If believers neglect what really goes on with the holiday then why should we expect anyone else to make it real?  Let me confess my real disdain for the cliché that Jesus is the reason for the season.  I do not disagree with that sentiment but we once again try to take the cosmic and turn it into a slogan we can easily remember.  No one can really capture the truth that the God of this universe came into our world as a newborn child with all that means.  No slogan can wrap its mind around the idea that the creator God would become a Savior by the most unlikely means.  This was not some spur of the moment decision by Him but it is the outcome of centuries of divine activity in the world. 

Whatever in the world God was doing in the Old Testament would lead directly to the manger in Bethlehem.  All of those odd or confusing stories of sacrifice, calling, and human failure would spell out how much we need God's help.  Even an odd book like Leviticus is meant to remind us how we need more than animal offerings to bring God to us.  There is almost two millennia of history leading up to the babe in swaddling clothes.  Yet some of us seem far more comfortable doing what we can do to help God rather than just accept His help now.  We do the religious thing so God may feel an obligation to come along to help us when we cannot help ourselves.  Yet that still falls short of the story.

God came into this world through Jesus to reveal who He is in word and deed.  He will take the first step in reaching out to those in critical need on every level of life.  Jesus will be more than just a nice teacher or philosopher.  We see a muscular God who dares to give of Himself with no guarantee of any response.  His words would turn that world upside down when we learn a new image of God.  Not everyone would get what He was saying since they were focused on how life should be going.  Even less would grasp what He did as their expectations left no room in their heart or minds for truth.  Peace, love, and joy are more than the outcomes of happy experiences.  They truly cannot be known without Jesus.  Anything else is a mere shadow of what Christmas is about.

I want every Christmas season to be about Jesus.  That may be difficult if all we look for is a holiday in soft focus or candlelight.  We find in a manger that the holiday can be treacherous and even dangerous when we allow it to settle in on us.  But we cannot find Christmas any other way.  He did indeed come to our world so we could capture His fullness not by doing our best but allow God to do His.  That is why it is a gift.  That is why it is about Jesus.

Bro. Trey

This blogger stuff seemed like a fun thing to do when it started.  Maybe part of me was convinced that I would somehow change the world with my little site.  Now it just seems like it gets harder and harder to do.  Words that sound good in my mind then come out flat on the screen.  No matter how much time it appears is available that same time runs out for one reason or the other.  Perhaps it just resides within my inability to manage time or think through the thoughts that strike me on occasion.  Who knows all of the reasons for a lack of consistency when writing?

You would think that three weeks locked away in a room would be enough to give you all sorts of new direction for living.  I went into my exile away from all that is normal for me with the idea of learning radical new truth.  So far that is light years from reality.  This does not mean there was no deep moments of thought or prayer.  It also does not mean there was not enough time for reading scripture.  Time was more than abundant but maybe there is something more at work.  Being overcome by chemotherapy is no easy road to take.  The amount of poison that was poured into me seems almost illegal.  What those chemicals do to you is beyond words.  Days were spent not going day by day but basically hour by hour.  You are not in charge of your schedule, your feelings, or your faculties.  What is true is that you simply hope to hang on until something better comes along.  It is very possible to mistake being helpless for being hopeless.  There are no emotions to be felt as they melt away with the rest of your being.

This is a surprising discovery along the way.  My expectation was to feel greatly or deeply with God as we journeyed together.  Most days were devoid of feeling other than how do I get through this day.  Now there is some excitement as lab reports tell me of the ongoing recovery.  Everything is working just as the doctor predicted yet I cannot tell you there is a swell of emotion that comes along with it.  I still wake up each day ready to deal with whatever that date holds for me.  I still make time to turn to God praying for myself and for others that need His help.  I still turn to scripture to hear what God may be wanting to say to me on that day.  Yet it is all within the context of a new normal.  It all resides within God doing what He can to bring about change in my being.

Maybe we get change all wrong from the outset.  We anticipate some radical dimension of God's presence to sweep us off our feet to magically set us in a new reality.  Sometimes change may be less sweeping and dramatic than it is slow and sure.  What we may long for is change without the pain of wrestling with God, self and life.  Maybe we expect to be like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz and just wake up in a new dimension.  We may discover that transition is more nightmare than it appears.  God doesn't work in our life.  No house worth living in goes up without time to make sure it is safe.  Our life is worth far more than that to Him.  So don't always look for the easy or emotional signs of change.  Learn to hold onto Him when it is really hard.  That is when God is doing His very best work in you.

Bro. Trey

This hospital stuff gets old real fast.  Patience is not my virtue when it comes to doing lots of sitting.  But one can learn how to sit and wait when ill like this.  At least we are moving forward toward a resolution rather than being at the start of a journey.  That was not the case back in August.  I ended up staying in the hospital then for 8 days for diagnosis and my first treatment.  There was nothing good or fun about that time.  Sometimes it amazes me that some well meaning doctor didn't kill me while trying to cure me.  I am not sure the doctors didn't try!

I went into the hospital the afternoon of August 17 with varied pains and symptoms that made no sense.  You may recall me saying at times that summer was hard on me.  The physicians started working me over upon my arrival.  I cannot recall how many different doctors or diagnoses that came my way prior to the final answer.  What is true is no two doctors talked to one another or compared notes.  My biggest trial was not in fighting my current ailment but surviving their pokes and prods. 

There was even a small fight with one of the doctors as we moved into the chemo phase of the stay.  I finally looked at her and asked if she would mind very much if this didn't turn out to be fatal.  Yes, she was a bit shocked upon that question.  It got to the point where stubbornness set in.  I made the decision to take charge of my treatment without just letting anyone do as they wished.  Some medicine was refused when offered.  There were also times of demanding that my usual doctors be consulted rather than have anyone who wandered by to do something that crossed their mind.  Nobody tells you that you have the final word on what does or does not happen with their body.  But this is a truth that remains first and foremost in my mind.

God knows how He wired us at creation.  We would do well to listen to our system as to what is going on with it.  I know that much of my time praying relates to just being grateful for having the knowledge to hear my condition loud and clear.  Too many people will just turn over their care to people they do now know at times when it is not needed.  Faith may sometimes mean being stubborn enough to defy the answers around you.  God knows what is going on in your body at any given time.  He can let you know what you may have to do in not just the physical but in every arena of life.  We have to be aware of His voice for any occasion.  What touches us in the physical will affect us in all of our being.  The spiritual can change how things run in your physical.  All of life is connected rather than being separate.  Let us learn from even the worst of times how that can be more blessing than burden.

Bro. Trey

Thanksgiving Eve 2014.  Here we are for yet another evening in the hospital in Dallas.  I never spent a holiday cooped up in such a place.  There were a few times when I made visits to people but never once did I have a reservation.  It really is a not so bad experience so far.  No doubt it helps that my disease is in remission and that the treatment is going well as it draws to a close.  There are others on my floor who are in far worse shape than myself so there is that to keep in mind.  I can really be thankful for my stay rather than let it bring me down.

I wrap up the treatment phase of the journey tomorrow.  The last chemo therapies will be behind me with the healthy time around the corner.  Saturday is the occasion for receiving the stem cells we collected last week.  They will be infused into my body in what is often called a second birthday around here.  Doctors will monitor me for a few days as they adjust life giving medicines within me.  It very well may be that within two weeks or less that my life takes on its new normal.  The goal of all of this is a cure for this type of cancer so it never returns again.  That sounds so unreal yet all of the science says it is also very much possible.  The power of medicine and faith coming into union as a whole is far beyond amazing.  One can only hope this will someday be not a rare thing but a given each day.  There really is no reason for the two approaches to not be in harmony.

I am thankful on this evening for each of these ongoing discoveries.  We have breakthroughs each and every day in the scientific field.  Medicine keeps moving forward though we really are in the early stages of so much that can be revealed.  My opinion is that our God desires us to make such steps as He shows us what the human body is capable of doing.  We are so incredibly created that it would leave us breathless to begin to understand all of our wonder.  What scientists often refer to as great studies just may often be God giving us a peek of what He knew all along.  It is easy for us to be so stubborn in our education we are blinded to that reality.  When we open our eyes it is to find out He waited for us to have the humility to see God in reality and truth.

It is also wise to carry along a maturing faith that is beyond panic and does not let speculation run rampant as we move along.  We tend to accept too often limits that God did not ever place on our faith.  People tell us miracles are impossible or way too common on the other extreme.  Our intercession lowers to the level of wishes without a reality to ground us in truth.  Not everyone gets the really big or miraculous stuff to come through their life.  But neither do any of us have to live devoid of the divine while facing any daily obstacle to come our way.  Never let your faith dwindle down to the level of the world around you.  You might have to claw and fight your way to keep your trust but it will always be worth it.  What you gain in drawing near to God never is an empty endeavor.  You may find it is not an escape from science or medicine but that it reminds you of God's greatness above what man knows or considers.  Each day brings new miracles by God's hand or as He guides into fresh truth about His world.  One or the other can change your life in ways beyond imagination.  My hope is you never need to learn this by difficult ways but that you learn it somehow by His grace.

Bro. Trey

Does praying really work in today's world?  It is a fitting question given all of the new skeptics that are out there.  You may not notice as much as I do how many writers or opinion makers are downplaying the role of faith, prayer and the miraculous in these times.  Books, articles, and interviews are in abundance in telling us who believe that we are stupid for pursuing this course.  Science is becoming the new religion of the masses.  The elite tell us that this world is all there is and ever will be.  Not even Isaac Newton took his theory to that extreme.  I saw a book the other night at the store that discusses how harmful religion can be to a materialistic and unspiritual world.  We are to look to science to have all of the answers now when they cannot answer the most basic questions of life.

What are we to do when faced with such hostility? That is only one aspect of the issue.  We need some resolution just for our own peace of mind.  The problems we face such as cancer lead to so many different troubles that we can be overtaken by them.  Can we pray when our emotions are so stirred we cannot feel nor see our say to God?  Doctors and the like can tend to be hopeless in their conversations with patients.  This one I know about all too well.  There are some great physicians out there who do understand faith but there are a few that see no further than their charts.  We can wind up letting the words of our healer to keep us from seeing beyond the moment.  Then we have moments when the physical interferes with our ability to focus on the Father.  It can be confusing and a reality that our pain blocks our trust in God.  Grief limits our heart in openness to Him.  It sure sounds like we often face more obstacles to praying than we have help.

I find that far too much of my own thinking is limited to the here and now without a dynamic concept of the bigness of God.  Maybe this happened years ago when my honest desire was to be able to answer the deep questions both by faith and also with a concrete explanation to others.  My heart was in the right place but my gut says it caused some drift spiritually.  There was still a belief in God, praying, and miracles but there was also a bit of a loss of that wondrous mystery of the divine.   Such an admission is not easy and may shock you a little but it is honest.  It is much like how so many of us get caught up in the daily stuff of life until we forget that greatness of God in our journey.  The faith just seems distant and somehow shrouded in the gloom of our reality.  It happens to many of us along the way.  The key is knowing it does not have to remain that way.

Praying does work.  I know because of my last three months of diagnosis, treatment, and now going into a stem cell transplant.  My disease came back with a vengeance in its attempt to kill me.  Here is when my guard was let down to pray with any and all who would allow it.  What was an aggressive cancer gave way to praying and to the medicine.  This did not happen by accident but by the prayers of people.  I let people put oil on me, some were quiet prayers and some were on the noisy side.  Mostly my approach was to silently agree with those words as well as pray for those who interceded for me.  My times of scripture reading became not just about the information but also about what was God saying.  My mind is still slowly changing to adjust to such an effort.  But my conclusion is miracles happen even if rare and often unexpected.

Remember that the very word miracle means we do not take it for granted.  We are never asked to trust solely for the miracle but by the words of God.  My discovery is there are small miracles of all sizes as we go through life.  God's timing often takes us by surprise as we pray.  We are called to believe that this world is not at all the end of life.  The scientist may be noble in effort but lacks in any capacity to help us with the real questions of life.  Life only means what we can see and feel in the material world in that view.  How depressing is that?  I read recently that faith is not leaping into the darkness but rather it is a leap into the light of who God is.  That statement grabbed me in a fresh way.  It is far different than how we normally view faith.  We live one day at a time in trust of the God who is already reaching out to us in His presence and power.  We pray even when we do not feel like it or when it all seems too big for God to handle.  We just keep praying for others who join us in the journey to keep our hearts fresh and open.  We find that this changes our heart for God and our heart for others.  That is a miracle in itself.

Bro. Trey

My first chemo drip is underway as we write.  The countdown is all of a sudden very real in the room.  Now we begin about a week of the various poisons to get me ready for the infusion of new cells in my body next Saturday.  None of this hurts.  My only complaint is how often they talk about side effects.  I would rather focus on the positive of what the medicine should be doing as it flows into me.  Most get a view that whatever bad things can happen will happen as we go along.  I never looked at treatments in that light.  My attention strives to remain on the possible good stuff that will happen.  Maybe that is naïve but it how I handle it the best. 

We might as well talk a little about the theological issues revolving around my transplant.  You can trust me that my choice would be to learn lessons or grow without all of this activity going on here.  Going through another round of cancer was not on my list of things to do this year.  It takes up too much time much less having to deal with the ugly side of going into therapy.  But the reality is here we are now with tubes running into my body with the medicine starting a final breakdown before becoming a positive.  Sometimes you cannot ignore reality.  You have to accept that what you are going through can be a time of growth no matter how difficult it may be.  There is also the truth that what you experience may not be as ugly as another person.  How we deal with what happens to us is dependent on what faith we do or do not have.

My initial response to the diagnosis was that this problem would be a time to glorify God somehow.  I do not know if that is always being done but it is still my desire.  That glory may not be immediate or it may be something to happen later after recovery.  There surely is a way for this trial to be used right now to bring attention to Him.  We have that tendency to get so distracted by what takes place that we neglect staying open to God for His help.  I am not saying any of this is ever going to be easy or simple.  Our troubles are very real to us  I do think there has to be a way for us to find a new approach to keep God first in our being.

I am still alive so my choice is how am I going to glorify God with my living.  Praying is not just a tool to use in my habits of spiritual growth.  More time is being spent praying alone or with others over the last three months that I can recall.  You add the discipline of remaining open to God through His word to praying to make the prayers and the living a dynamic facet of your faith.  There are times when I am reading or praying that the thought crosses my mind about why should I even do this.  We do all of this even when going into real difficulty so we grow into His presence and not let the trial be the final word.  We do it not because we are dying but because we are living.

Those times of prayer over the last few months mean more than most anything to me.  People that I know as well as total strangers joined me in asking God for His best in these times.  Maybe it is true that healing didn't happen as we often would ask God to do.  There would be no great miracle to free me from this travail.  Remission did happen and now this treatment offers a real chance at being free from this ugly disease.  Maybe there were other miracles though.  Relationships deepen.  Prayers take on a real heart for God.  Scripture is more than history.  God is more than way out there watching and waiting.  We just learn how to make our mental religion something that is personal and real.  I know this all sounds simplistic.  It maybe even sounds like a shallow answer to real trials.  But we have time to go deeper over the next few weeks.  I'm not going anywhere for awhile.

Bro. Trey

My room is barren as far as rooms go.  Right now it is very quiet around here.  Everyone left so it's just me and the quiet.  A hospital room is just that no matter how much they try to spruce it up.  A journey that began three months ago now awaits a final push.  We did not write much about a relapse of cancer since there was not a great deal of time free.  Most days were overrun with going to doctors or having tests and the like.  Now there will be plenty of time available to write on my new laptop.  We can start to share the whole story from day one until we are completed.  Maybe it is good to put it down here for my emotional health and maybe it will help me learn how to use this machine.

I never did feel right during the summer.  There was always some symptom of something even if I did not know what it was.  Eating became more of a chore than a normal part of life.  At least there was somewhat of a diet going on.  My energy came and went to the point I could not even enjoy exercise.  I could go a little bit but nothing like where I was before.  My son and I went to Minnesota for a few days in July. We had a blast but it was still tough on me to keep up.  Nothing got any better upon our arrival home from the great north.  I felt worse and worse until the day of August 17 arrived.  It was that Sunday which changed the whole world.

My body became so weak that I needed the assistance of a chair to complete the morning service.  I decided it was time for something to give.  We made our way to the emergency room of our hospital.  They checked me in for what would be five days of trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  It was on the fifth day my doctors informed me that my cancer of four years ago was back with a fury.  There were two masses down in my stomach area along with other signs of the disease.  Not only was it back but it was fighting me with a violence that threatened my very being.  Chemo had to start immediately if there was to be any hope of curbing the damage.  My total hospital stay would be eight days but the journey was just beginning.

There were three chemo treatments total for me.  They lasted three days each.  I was also invited to explore the possibility of a stem cell transplant.  Yet another doctor tested me on various occasions as they worked to see if it would help.  They accepted me so another countdown began.  Now we waited for a date to begin the process.  That day was ten days ago.  I went to Baylor hospital for tests and shots until today.  They spent three days working to extract my stem cells for a transplant.  Tonight is the time for me to begin three weeks in this hospital as they attempt to cure this disease.  Some of it may be easy but some of it could get rough.  I can only pray for the best.

My doctor said the current cancer is in remission.  That is a head start as we begin.  We start tomorrow tearing down my system so the healthy cells will take over.  I get a new birthday next Saturday when those blood cells enter my body.  Most of the statistics are in my favor but no one can say what a body will do when dealing with the treatment.  There are many things I hope to say over the next few weeks and from there about all of this.  I will surely have the time to write.  It is up to God and the medicine now.  I will do my part even if limited.  We should know soon enough how all of this turns out.

Bro. Trey

I wrote earlier this week about this summer being so hectic.  Chaos may be an even better word to describe it.  We won't rehearse the long line of complaints again but just keep moving along.  There are lots of reasons why the last few months are not fun and most of them are self inflicted.  The problem really is not the problem.  The real problem is me.  How you and I cope with our issues is the definitive word on how we get through them.  It is actually the measure on if we get through them at all.  We know that life happens in our mind.  Translating that into real world time is our main crisis. 

Let me confess to far too much anger this summer.  Not much of that anger was righteous either.  No doubt the blogger is to be above such emotion plus have all of the answers but not so with this one.  My anger is global over how events in the world do not go the way I want.  It is anger over the stock market and the oil prices bouncing around like a pinball game.  There is anger over the direction of our country.  We don't elect people to get things done anymore but choose candidates to stop anything we fail to approve.  There is anger over personal things such as schedules that get out of control.  This doesn't begin to cover the anger directed at me and by me.  My recent doctor visits were no help obviously.  Getting older isn't a bother but doing it with bumps in the road make me crazy.  All of this furor does not help spiritually nor does it make one healthy.  Just take my word on that one.

So what can the all wise blogger say to you?  Maybe a better question is do you want to know after that list of issues.  The good news is God keeps trying to get my attention to change my heart in terms of coping.  This may not be easy and it may take time but my intent is to let all of the anger go that is self inflicted.  Here are a few rough sketch ideas I am gathering so far.

• There is one God in the universe and I am not Him.  When you yield to the myth of control then you forget the real purpose of being.  Look to God so He becomes holy through your choices.
• The stress of wanting what you want when you want it is far less than praying for His best in your world.  Desiring your wants leads to demanding which leaves you no room for God's best.
• Learn to live in and trust in how God provides.  He can bring His very best even in those places you see as the very worst. 
• Make real sure you don't let bad relationships dictate your emotions.  Some may be in the past and some in the present but they can destroy your future if not given to God.
• All forms of evil should be avoided.  We tend to isolate our sin as whatever is bugging us now.  Make sure you are open to God working in other related areas of your life.
• Remember that your purpose is to honor God as you make your journey.  You cannot do this weighed down with emotion, defiance or a lack of repentance.  Change may be hard but that peace of God is greatly better than the alternative.  God is a creative God with unlimited power.  So keep looking to Him each day for His strength and courage.

Bro. Trey

Writing on the blog is not the only thing that needs some catching up on the effort.  Summer did indeed throw me off so much of my usual duties or habits.  This doesn't mean the last few weeks are an abject failure at all.  You know as well as I do that life has a way of interfering with our normal routine.  My calendar was full of doctor visits as we kicked off the hot season.  Most of those visits went well but one got me.  My heart shows a little weakening compared to past checkups.  It is nowhere near as bad as it was back in 2012 but I could tell a difference.  It was a tad weaker plus my leaky valve is still leaking.  I did fine for a year or so but something is making it act up.  We simply adjusted medicines which helps a ton and now its back to working out better.  The problem is at my age it is almost like starting over again.  I walked a bunch in Minnesota and am resuming that plan being home.

Exercise used to be somewhat easy.  I can recall doing all sorts of running far beyond the walking that happens today.  My lifting of weights is a long way off where it was several years ago.  Odds are good those days are gone.  Working out now includes the new realities of age and health.  No one said it is ever easy but it does matter.  The aches and pains that come with it are really a good sign.  What this old body says is that it is working day by day.  The walks should become some jogging before long.  The lighter weights should lead to a bit heavier efforts in the days to come.  The body can often accomplish only what the mind allows.  So if you don't mind some aches then it doesn't matter since you decide to push forward.

Being a believer is somewhat similar.  Thank goodness we do not have to remain trapped in the down periods of our faith.  They will happen but we can know God just as real then as we do in the high points.  Neither do we usually stay in a perpetual high when it comes to our spiritual health.  No doubt but those are wonderful times when we feel invincible but that really is not par for the course.  Life is often determined in how we deal with the middle areas as we journey along.  We have some aches and pains as God delivers us from stuff that obscures our vision of Him.  We hurt a bit in our experience of grief over letting the old go so we receive the divine new.  Sometimes our mistake is thinking those painful times are bad things when they are not.  They are truly a sign that we are alive and growing in our relationship with God.  Jesus told us that part of our spiritual life is to carry a cross.  We cannot imagine such an action is remotely comfortable.  But it is in carrying that cross that we jettison the old, discover the new and keep our eyes on God.

Being a follower of Jesus is never meant to be static.  Far too many church members seem quite content avoiding any discomfort in their life.  What they forget is they also miss God's presence in the journey.  So let yourself be stretched and molded by God's activity on a daily basis.  Learn to live with those aches as a mark of growth.  It will not be easy as most things aren't but you will be eternally better for the process.

Bro. Trey

Writing this blog during summer became far more difficult than I could imagine.  No amount of good intentions can make up for being absent.  You know from past reading that writing can be good therapy for me.  You know that I don't try to reinvent the wheel or make headlines with breaking news.  Most of my aim is just relating God's world to ours as we move along on our journey.  We try not to be critical though that can slip in on occasion.  Any lack of writing is not due to the blog itself but to this summer.  Let me try to put it into words.

A large part of the last few months wound up being awful.  Most of my time is being spent going to hospitals or funeral homes to see people.  The Ebola virus is not the only bad thing breaking out this year.  Several of our church people suffered losses that were both unexpected and the end of a life.  My son and I would end up heading to a funeral visitation at one time or the other.  Then we also have more than a few who spent time in the hospital for some procedure or treatment.  He and I again would jump in the vehicle to go check on those in a crisis.  Busy is a four letter word to describe the chaos of these days.  As we say, do not count this as whining but simple a relating of part of the havoc of the season.  A final straw was a visit to the Cardiologist who informed me of a small setback.  I could feel it in my body leading up to the visit so it is a relief to have confirmation.  Expect me to move a bit slower for a bit but I will be moving.

The other part of summer is really awesome.  There are blessings going around for those willing to receive it.  While some are traveling we are holding our own in attendance and such.  Some of the messages were a tad bumpy but they are better than usual also.  Our baptism pool was used a few weeks ago.  The students had a great time in camp.  I believe we had a moving worship experience this morning.  But all of this takes time away from writing.  There are more than a few evenings where my body just crashed in bed before making time to write.  None of this is anyone's fault but my own. 

School starts in a few weeks here so there will be a new sense of the routine.  That will be more than welcomed this year.  God still works when school is out if you will let Him.  He acts in the awful and the awesome.  My hope is He now works to give me more time to write.

Bro. Trey

I wonder how many of us are ever truly happy with our prayer life?  My guess is some give up on it because it doesn't work for them.  These are people with some element of faith but no living communication with God.  Saying prayers eventually overtakes any desire for a real relationship with Him.  We should not look down on any who struggle with the divine dialogue.  It can and does happen to more believers than we imagine.  But the reality is this does not have to happen.  Anyone can learn how to build that heartfelt prayer life that satisfies the soul if not the mind.

Our mistakes usually begin with seeing God as the source for whatever we want in life.  Praying is little more than taking a grocery list to Wal-Mart.  What is missing is the truth that God is far more than that.  He is called our father among many other metaphors.  One of the keys to a real prayer experience is the gift of knowing Him.  Some make the mistake of thinking how you pray matters more than just praying.  These are people who hear the words of others and imagine they cant say it as well.  Sometimes our struggle is in knowing what we are praying about.  We fail to listen as God corrects our approach to Him.  A large part of praying is about the listening.  This is meant to be a two way conversation after all.

Scripture plays a huge role in a deeper prayer life.  It is our God speaking to us through the stories and truths of the past.  We discover that what God said can become something He is saying to us now.  This works in two ways.  We can stand on the given promises of God in scripture.  Some of the things we find there are just basic givens for a believer to grasp.  Prayer can be taking those truths to give a confidence or clarity to our desires.  God may even use those words to redirect us in the process of praying.  Our hearts move from just our desires to His will.  But sometimes we come across specific scripture that speaks to our heart at a given time.  We learn something new about God or our life that we can translate into our conversation.  What happens is we take what God whispers in our heart to build a boldness in our praying.  We basically agree with God then move that into action.  To me this is a serious invitation to Him for real growth and answers.

One of my common models is the Lord's Prayer found in Matthew 6.  You can take that prayer for use in almost anything if not everything that burdens our heart.  Always remember it begins with the truth that God is our Father.  He is our source for all we really need.  It is a reminder that we need not compete for His attention.  Any decent father already has a mind to hear his child when called.  Our recognition is He is one enthroned firmly in heaven.  Now this is not a word that God is distant from us.  It means that He can be trusted to have the power to answer our cries.  His heart is tender and not cold.  We will try to say more over the next few posts about this.  I leave urging you to go back to reflect on this prayer of Jesus to allow it to speak to you.  Let me assure you that it has much to say.

Bro. Trey

Yes, we keep trying to blog but who knew we would experience a rainy season?  I spent more time mowing last week than usual by summer standards.  This is really not complaining but just a fact.  My yard could produce a few bales of hay after each cutting.  Just another unexpected turn of events these days.

I did make time to go to the oncologist today.  My schedule is to go every six months or so for checkups.  Fours years ago is when my treatment for cancer got underway.  So far the results are positive with no sign of a recurring problem.  We all deal with our problems differently.  No two people are going to walk through those times in the same fashion.  Some appear to just carry on as if nothing was wrong.  Others may really struggle with the process of therapy.  A few will fall in the middle range between those two options.  I am learning that remission doesn't mean that disease has no effect on me.  Not all of that discovery is positive or worth bragging about.  But it is far better to be honest than to live in denial.

People tend to overlook how life can throw us off track.  Those lucky few who can manage to keep their focus just make it harder for us who struggle.  My lessons revolve around two or three major headings.  One of those truths relates back to who I am and how that affects my coping even four years out from diagnosis.  Perhaps it does not have to be that way but it is true.  Another issue is in how I allow others to assist me in the journey both then and now.  We who are introverts can sadly miss out on that source of encouragement.  There is of course that whole other area of how this influences my relationship with God.  Be sure that a person can keep Him at arms distance at the least just as they might with other people.  This doesn't mean we don't truly have faith or really believe but it is about keeping control over self.  That is about as specific as we will get for tonight.

What you may find is theology may suffer from how we process our world.  Our coping may lack something you just cannot put your finger on.  Being a genuine believer goes far beyond quoting scripture or doing nice things.  God always wants to work in our heart so He can work through our life.  Our struggle is in not wasting those dark times when He seems to do His most holy work.  The good news is that as long as we have breath then we also have the possibility for real growth.  God is not limited to our situation or how we calculate our conditions.  He is free to move beyond our limits or our fears.  Our part is to allow Him to do just that.  We may be forced into being vulnerable, humble or desperate to let Him do just that.  Such an approach may frighten us more than the problem itself.  So may we allow God to do His great work so we are finally free from this world's clutches.  Probably it will not make sense to some but know it always is worth the struggle.

Bro. Trey

We get back to the blog this evening after another short hiatus.  Adjusting to the summer schedule is taking longer than I thought.  Look for more updates this week as time allows.

Today was yet again Father's Day.  Many people may not see it as a complicated day but it can happen in our current state.  Not everyone has a pleasant experience on this holiday but mine did go well.  I finished the day watching a documentary on the 41st President George H. W. Bush.  Critics were not kind to the man for years but there is more respect coming his way with each passing day.  He left office with an approval rating around 30%.  That rating is now up around the 70% mark.  Not everyone would yet be in agreement with all of his decisions but less question how he lives his life.  This is a man who even became friends with the person who defeated him for the White House in 1992.  You can count on one hand anyone with that much dignity.

The historian side of me is amazed at the character of George Bush.  Here is a guy who is a war hero, congressman, ambassador, Vice President and then President.  It may be some time before we elect another leader with all of the qualities.  But it is also that personal nature of the man that captures the real attention.  He is a man with grace under fire.  He knows the pain of setbacks yet continues to reach forward with optimism.  He is an imperfect person but recognizes that with humility.  He may not be a saint but he also may come as close as one gets in this ugly day and age. 

He jumped out of an airplane this past week to mark his 90th birthday.  Maybe go back and read that sentence once again.  Jumping in tandem with a trained skydiver seems an odd way to celebrate another year of life.  My point is we can go on about such stuff for a long time but it is the family that speaks volumes here.  Age brings a certain grace as you move along.  A legacy becomes balanced between the good and the bad things in life.  You learn what really counts in this world.  Could it be possible that this is one of the reasons for a Father's Day?  We can stop to weigh our achievements with our opportunity to be a father.  Do we matter at the one place it counts most?

I would love to tell you that my experience of being a dad is without flaw or error.  That would be a tad over evaluating my life.   But my hope is that I did try.  Being a father is not something to take lightly.  Some accused me of being too much there with or for my children.  Such words never bother me.  It's not something too many guys have to deal with being a dad.  None of us ever do it perfectly.  But too few of us try as much as possible.  My greatest joy is life is being a father even though mine are now older.  Jumping out of a plane doesn't scare me as much as not being my best for my children.  I absolutely need God's help for that to happen.  I know how God has to work in me so He can work through me.  That happening means that even if fame doesn't come my way I at least know to be faithful. That will always be good enough for me.

Bro. Trey

Few weeks ever seemed as long as Graduation 2014.  Well in sight is the finish line.  Just one more long day with sun and heat is all that's left to wrap this up.  Soon all of the preparation will be done and maybe there will be a moment or two to catch my breath.  Our next graduation is this December but that will be in Waco.  I have zero intention of going through all of this in a distant city.  No doubt but all of this is worth it.  Who could ever imagine my youngest would be a graduate?

My youngest is autistic.  Now that means a whole bunch of things that seldom duplicate from one person to another.  Some of the memories of his diagnosis feel like it was yesterday.  Other recollections become a bit more hazy with time.  He went through more than a few tests in those early days.  Most of them came with soul crushing news.  One expert said he would never do much in school as he grew.  My son surpassed those expectations in his own way.  We started around fourteen years ago on this educational journey.  Tomorrow will be an end for this part of it.

No one should ever anticipate such a path will not be without trials or setbacks.  Let me admit there was more than once or twice when we had to become more aggressive about what he was experiencing.  Not all teachers are really good at special needs children even with a degree in the subject.  Summer is one of those obstacles as He tended to lose what he knew when out of school.  A few problems are going to remain private just because they left their unique sore spots.  But he made it in the end.  He reads. He writes. He does math.  He is not just getting a diploma because he is eighteen but he earned it on his level. 

He is my hero in many ways.  I sometimes envy that certain innocence of his due to his autism.  Oblivious is a good word to describe his awareness of the global troubles of the day.  He does not worry about the economy, healthcare or any other crisis that looms large for many of us.  His world is simple.  Having a special needs child can teach you on what matters and what really doesn't.  None of it is really easy but it is worthwhile.

I do wonder why God allows such to happen to some.  Many children face life with horrific limitations physically, mentally and emotionally.  Maybe they are here to show us the best part of who we can be.  We consider our world to be normal but we get stressed out by small stuff.  I have no clue what or how he thinks about a lot.  The same is true for the other students in his class.  What is true is these children do exist and are worth our best.  God created them just as much as He does those that are normal.  So we live with them and love them.  We hang in there with them as they grow.  We laugh at the silly things they do.  We cry when alone so no one notices.  We become better people because of them.  That is God's gift to us.  We simply take those blessings to give to others.  Now that is what normal people can and should do.

Bro. Trey

We are now just under 48 hours until graduation on Friday evening.  I'm still behind as usual but at least there is time to catch up.  Soon this will be over but my guess is I will miss it then.  Summer tends to go that way.

So what do we do about praying?  It seems so common to our life but many still seem uncomfortable with it.  Prayer may be the most mysterious topic in our spiritual life.  Bible study can be done with the right mechanics.  Other habits of the spiritual life can be taught or measured.  Praying just seems to be an art form we talk much about but maybe feel like we don't do it so well.  Then there are my charismatic friends who relate to me about their special prayer language.  More than a few in the past hinted that real praying does not take place without that.  Was the act of praying meant to be so technical or complicated?  I think not.

My best advice is to approach prayer as you do any relationship.  Communication is huge in any growing friendship or marriage.  Tons of books exist on how we can open up more to friends, spouses, or children.  Experience tells me that there is usually some kernel of helpful reality within all of those pages.  It also says to me that you just have to talk to one another with or without outside help.  Those of us who are shy or introverted by nature are going to struggle no matter what the latest book suggests.  Those who are open or gregarious by nature will still tend to say too much.  But never forget that praying is a two way street.  We do talk to God but we can expect Him to also talk to us.  Going past our wants or needs with our praying will make a huge difference in how we feel about it.

Jesus will respond to the disciples request for help in their praying in an odd fashion.  He doesn't start with an outline for a notebook.  What you see is His emphasis on God as our father.  The entire statement on "The Lord's Prayer" is not terribly long but its application can last forever.  We discover that God knows our needs far beyond our wants.  Jesus makes it a point to remind us that God is the one who provides for us.  Those truly intrigued disciples will find out that praying starts with God long before it gets to us.  They learn that knowing Him is the heart of praying.  Prayer languages or carefully detailed outlines matter far less than our heart when we come to Him.

Don't think of your praying as something that needs approval.  Worry less about getting the words right than you do just absorbing God into your being.  Jesus spent countless hours praying as He moved through life.  A broken heart is as much a mark of true prayer as is being overjoyed in His presence.  Spend much time simply reflecting on the words in that prayer of Jesus.  You will begin to know God as He really is.  Then the issue will not be how you pray as much as how can you not pray.  God sends Jesus to reclaim us as His own.  Just remember that you are one of those who do know God as father.  He is big enough to handle anything in your life and interested in those small details.  Avoid playing mind games over what you should or should not say, do or be when praying.  You are who you are.  God can correct any mistakes without the self abuse of guilt over any failure.  That will go a long way in making prayer less of a chore and more of a joy.

Bro. Trey

There is time this evening to put up a blog post.  Mowing was the main thing on my list of things to do today and it's done.  Graduation still looms in the distance on Friday night but so far it's going good. 

We talked a little last night about our community service.  One of the issues was what happens when charismatics act...like charismatics.  It just seems fair to spend a bit more time on that topic.  Just be very clear at the outset that I harbor no ill will towards those who practice various elements of that persuasion.  Time is too important to rail against how others do or do not put faith into life.  But it may be only fair to add a few thoughts of my perspective on all of this.  Obviously this could take more than a short post to cover.  Perhaps you can capture some idea of where I personally come from.

You can imagine that it would be hard on me to be in that line of theology with my personality.  Most of my response to spiritual moments is inward as is my normal character.  You probably will not ever find me noisy and vocal during any move of the Spirit.  I do not and will not judge another for how they express their faith.  I simply do not equate being loud for being spiritual.  I witnessed before how some groups really turn up the pressure on some to behave in one way or the other in their faith.  God works through all believers while usually being in line with that personality.  Now this does not mean silence is golden when it comes to vocalizing your faith.  Scripture speaks of all manner of emotion or expression when in worship or prayer.  I just think we can guard against any elitism or pride about how we do what we do in comparison to another person.

My theology says we are filled with the Spirit upon our conversion or salvation moment with God in Christ.  It also believes that the initial experience of speaking in tongues had far more to do with evangelism than personal devotion.  Acts 2 is a miracle of God using ordinary people to proclaim and extraordinary message.  People gathered in the streets would hear the gospel in their language as the Spirit moved.  Believers should remember that anything God does in or through us is for that purpose.  God works to save those who do not know Him first and foremost.  Even if you do possess a special prayer language you should recall the test of maturity is character along with reaching out to others.  Does this mean my charismatic friends are wrong?  To me it is much more about all of us who follow Jesus being aware of any gift given to extend the Kingdom. 

We do not need to make any of this a point of contention.  There are far more popular ministers than I that criticize anyone who contains even of whiff of charismatic ideas.  Do not look for me to join that chorus.  Part of being in the Kingdom means there is no single way to back God into a corner.  Just be sure to look more toward Him than focus on gifts or approaches to worship.  We know from scripture that the Spirit is here to make Jesus known through our life.  How are we doing at that regardless of the label we wear?

Bro. Trey