Tomorrow is the day of departure for the big trip.  My son is about as excited as a human being can stand.  At least he is getting some rest tonight.  We will tour our state capitol in the afternoon.  I haven't been there since 1978 when attending a statewide camp.  This should be fun to walk the halls with special needs kids of all sizes.  Wednesday is the big day when we hit the theme park.  The day ends downtown at the Alamo.  The class studied Texas history all year so they are prepared.  Odds are good that the two of us will return to the hotel for swimming before calling it a day.  My journey ends the next day with a drive back home.  Then it is more last minute chores prior to graduation.

It occurred to me today that my daughter will have most of her entire family gathered in one place for this event.  Both sides of her relatives are attending graduation.  This means that all of them will be passing through the house at one time.  This is a bit unsettling.  It is easy to grow accustomed to seeing different groups of family at various times.  You know who you will be seeing along with any peculiar elements that may be attached to the occasion.  It is on very rare occasions that both sides end up under one roof.  We will have that experience on Friday.  This should be interesting.

Reminds me a bit of heaven.  Does it ever cross your mind just how many different people will share eternity with us?  Not all of those who are going to heaven are just like us.  Believers down through the ages will reside in this one place forever.  All types of language groups will be there.  All different ethnic groups will be there.  We could go on for awhile but the point is that heaven is made up of a diverse range of individuals.  Every difference will fade away in comparison to our reason for being there.  Our common denominator will be our trust in God.  We will be changed into the likeness of the One who saves us.  We will not notice or remember all that divided us while here on earth.  Maybe we should think more on heaven.  Our human tendency is to focus on one another rather than on God.  Far too much time is spent in comparing our life to others.  We end up with insecurity or anxiety playing a large part in our emotions.  Heaven has no room for either of those feelings.  Seems like a good idea that we would be better without them now as well.

Bro. Trey

Nothing like allergies that turns into sinus infection to ruin a perfectly good week.  Tuesday was my day for mowing and by Wednesday night it was a mild victory to be able to breathe.  I won't complain other than to say my memory of feeling that way didn't quite match current reality.  One good thing about the chemo and steroid combination is how it keeps the system pretty healthy afterwards.  Today was fairly decent since my usual afternoon exercise routine was completed.  Summer colds do truly seem to be the worst of all illnesses.  Let's hope we are on the healthy side of the process now.

Holidays can wreck havoc on the average Sunday schedules.  The first break of the summer season appeals to most people to go away.  My small town and congregation are no different.  I am still grateful for a good worship experience this morning.  The sermon was a bit broad in scope but most seemed to follow along.  We returned to that idea of judgement as it is revealed in scripture.  This means we covered a lot of ground but did reach our main points.  We do tend to forget that judgement is not just for the bad guys in the world.  Biblical judgement resides first in the accountability of God's people with the faith.  Too much time is spent pointing fingers at lost people who are simply doing what comes naturally to them.  Our call is to fall in line with the grace of God offered to us each day.  It is us who are God's people who can humble ourselves and pray for renewal.  Not much time is left for fixing the blame when we realize our need of also being fixed.

One of the blessings and drawbacks of a place like mine is how involved we become with people around us.  You may not find this in larger cities as you can here.  Members of our church suffered a tragic loss Saturday morning up in Arkansas.  This one death affects a large group of our membership which includes my daughter.  The gentleman who was killed often attended here while visiting relatives.  He is an uncle to the best friend of my daughter.  Ten years is a long time to remain in one place.  You can have people who depart under unpleasant circumstances.  But you also live with an unusual closeness to those who remain.  Terrible moments with others can also take the breath out of your life.  The heart hurts for all who are walking in the shadow of death this weekend.  It is a vivid reminder of how fragile life can be.  Every day matters.

This week begins with a trip to San Antonio and ends in graduation.  I will go with my youngest on his class trip beginning Tuesday morning.  My hope is to report in somewhere along the way while gone.  About eight special needs children of various ages will be traveling along with school teachers, parents and other guardians.  A good time is surely to be had by all.  I hope to return Thursday afternoon with enough time to help with last minute preparations for the big day.  Praying will not be optional this week.  Surviving will require serious dependence on God.  This is not a bad place to be at any time.  Such behavior makes life good no matter the ups or downs.  Maybe we can all learn more of this lesson with our unique challenges. 

Bro. Trey

Even believers in Jesus can have yukky days.  We receive no exception to the possibility of a less than perfect time.  My day was basically good but it is taking forever with this chest cold.  Odds are that it started with outside mowing and the like since dust is the main ingredient of my grass.  I also did a clean sweep of the garage with a few months worth of stuff in a pile.  I also think that air conditioning does me no favors since my tasks take me both inside and outside.  Anyway, the whole point of this is how feeling a little under the weather affects  a whole day.  Doesn't seem like there was any colds or sinus stuff since going through chemotherapy.  Maybe the present condition is a statement on being as normal as possible.

It is drawing close to my next adventure which is followed by graduation.  My services were drafted to travel with my son's Lifeskills class to San Antonio.  We should have a great time seeing the sights along the way.  I will drive down in my own vehicle in order to return earlier on Thursday than the rest of his class.  Being here for graduation early should help with last minute preparations.  Part of the next few days will be spent reading then editing my daughter's speech for the big night.  Let me say that she has a very good grasp on her topic at hand.  Now it is my turn to see if any corrections are needed in order to improve the words.  Here is yet another reason why my college major should be English. 

We again watched news reports tonight about the tornadoes throughout the Midwest.  It really is amazing how many people interviewed mention God in their comments.  They are very sincere in the gratitude to God for keeping them alive.  Just know you would find me saying the same thing after such a catastrophe.  Here is one of the odd outcomes of tragedy.  People do tend to turn their mind to things of a divine nature.  I know that some will choose bitterness in their seeking but some will be content with His grace.  More than a few people who survived the storm mentioned their praying as the violence flew around them.  God was always around but maybe life was easier to manage before the carnage.  Broadcasters are left dealing with the words of those still in need concerning faith in God.  This leads us back to judgement.  We need to be sure what such action is really all about.  Viewing these horrible events as a way to get the bad guys is not enough.  We must also ask if we are worth such a test.

God's people are always asked to get their house in order prior to those who do not know Him.  This thought is still gnawing at me even now.  Why do God's people face judgement?  What are we to do if we are in such a place?  Where does such a time take us with divine direction?  We may write more on this tomorrow.  The ideas are still taking shape in my brain.  You can check back tomorrow to see if that brain makes any progress. 

Bro. Trey

Most people would describe me as aloof or distant.  I have to admit to that tendency.  Just know it is a lifelong habit that will not be easy to shake.  Maybe there are some people who would even view me as worse than those two adjectives.  I will again take full responsibility for that conclusion.  Being quiet is not a bad thing to me.  You will find many references in Proverbs to being silent as a tool to gain wisdom.  My emotions do tend to be held close to the vest.  Some of this is not good.  But part of it is just due to how I am wired.  It is my task to remember to keep those two areas apart when moving through life.  Just do not make the mistake of thinking that my feelings do not exist.  They may be hidden but they do exist.  You might be surprised at what brings them out in me.

Some music can awaken my feelings.  Movies often move me to feel deeply.  And yes, thinking or praying about things can move me greatly.  Last year was my introduction into both the book and the musical "Wicked."  My daughter is to thank for this.  She was singing or listening to the music of the production before my discovery.  Soon we had a CD of the play to hear while riding around.  Even my youngest became a huge fan of the story of two friends who grow beyond their differences to become best friends.  What is unique is how it is also the story of the two witches from "The Wizard of Oz."  Soon we were swamped with anything and everything to do with this play.  We even went to Dallas just before my very first chemo treatment to watch it together.  My youngest was almost swept away by the live performance.  He did not want to leave his seat during intermission lest he miss something.  At one point he just draped his arm across my shoulders while taking in everything.  All of that day moved me.  It still does that.

The final song is sung between two friends about how each is different from knowing the other.  They sing of being unsure they are changed for the better.  What they do know is that each is changed for good.  It is a powerful piece of music.  I wept watching the live performance in Dallas.  No amount of being prepared would keep tears away.  Some of the girls sang along with the CD on our way back from Austin in March.  Knowing these are seniors who will be going diverse directions for awhile got to me again.  Watching my daughter enjoy the "Glee" version tonight did me in once more.  Emotions matter a great deal to me but they are also reserved for meaningful moments.  It's more than music or even story but it has to do with what matters most to me.  Anything connected to my son or daughter always gets my feelings going.

It is also true that many see the typical Baptist church as a place where emotions are not encouraged.  My experience says this is just not true.  What is true yet also sad is that most of the feelings expressed are negative.  We do not hear enough of the sounds of joy.  We miss out on the bittersweet tears of repentance far too often.  Maybe all of our problem is not what we feel but how few emotions we actually express.

Bro. Trey

We are still here.  This simple statement is taking more than a few people by surprise.  A well publicized rapture failed to take place on Saturday.  I am glad of this since my daughter was able to wear her new dress to prom.  Believers were to be taken out of this world somewhere late in the afternoon on May 21.  CNN was live with their newscast but announced no sign of mass disappearances.  My yard work will not be enjoyed by others since the event never happened.  I just read now that the man who made the original prediction pushed it back five months to October.  Are you kidding me?  Why on earth do we ever try to make any pronouncement on dates that God says are under wraps?  Nowhere does it say we must be ignorant of signs but we are warned against setting dates for such moments.  Some people never learn.

We just continue being amazed at horrific disasters across the world.  Our tendency is to tie these to some aspect of final judgement.  I stayed in Joplin, Missouri about fifteen years ago while traveling to Kansas City.  My purpose was to attend a doctoral seminar for a few days.  My daughter and I watched the news this evening about yesterday's tornado there.  Much of that small city is now gone.  It was an earthquake that led the news cycle awhile back.  Before that was a tsunami or other natural disaster.  Seems to me that there is almost a disaster of the month taking place in our world.  Some of our more liberal friends place the blame squarely on global warming as the root of this evil.  Believers are wondering if there is a divine message in all of this.  My response is a definite maybe.  Let me explain.

Do not get me wrong.  We have plenty of biblical examples of God doing the drastic to gain the attention of people.  Much of this can be found in the Old Testament when the people of God just drifted away from the faith.  God will relate through His prophets about how calamities connect to spiritual life.  We also know that the final book of Revelation contains more examples of how God uses disasters to urge repentance.  Our understanding may be limited into these mysteries but they do occur.  Let me just speak for myself here.  I am a bit hesitant in labeling any or every disaster as an act of judgement.  This does not mean there are not elements of divine purpose but that my humility wants to allow God to act freely without my bias.  Making big announcements of judgement may be easy but it is not simple.

Do we really want to say that God was mad at Joplin last night?  Innocent lives were lost in that tremendous storm.  What about earthquakes or tsunamis?  People who perhaps are believers in Jesus were affected in negative ways by this.  Let me again try to be clear.  My theology does not leave room for random accidents.  But those of us who survive tragedy are not left to pass judgement but to gain a clear view of God in all of life.  The hurricane that submerged New Orleans opened doors for God's people to do real ministry.  Third world countries who add disaster to their load of ongoing suffering can experience real compassion from those who know God.  Horrible things do happen in this world through nature.  Maybe our response is not just to get interested in calculating dates but getting involved in helping others.  We do indeed know this life has its limits.  We can get a new discernment that our God is not to be taken lightly.  We are called to be always ready for whatever judgement may come.  He wants to have our attention upon Him as long as we respond out of grace. 

No doubt that this post is probably trying to have it both ways.  Maybe that is just how our limited understanding moves us.  We do not know all that God is doing in terms of judgement and the like.  We can be ready to either go with Him or give of ourselves to those shaken by disasters.  Let's just leave the predicting and the pronouncement aspect out of the equation.  God will do far better than we. 

Bro. Trey

I am putting the blame squarely upon my father for how my body feels tonight.  He knows this already since I told him yesterday.  We were supposed to do lots of yard work when I was growing up.  I have to admit that my efforts fell short more often than not.  There really is no one to blame but myself for those years.  But something did happen to me while mowing or doing other yard stuff.  Somehow it seems that the energy missing then is now in full bloom today.  My one task on Saturday was to wash off the front porch as part of graduation preparation.  I ended up doing far more than that.  I basically ended up gutting much of our flower beds which were being eaten up with weeds.  Bushes were cut back severely.  Trees received a good amount of pruning.  Weeds were ripped up at the roots.  I finally got to the porch washing after several hours of being in combat with the yard.  Have to admit that if feels like the yard won.

Moving around took much more effort than usual.  My dad is to blame as the lessons from my teenage years are on display now.  The lawn mower is used as often as rain allows.  Tearing up a flower bed to clean it out is something I learned along the way.  Every ache or pain felt today began years ago during my trial and error phase.  One thing leads to another now when working in the yard.  What is sad is how much may be left to finish.  Sleep does not come easy knowing there are weeds remaining.  My goal is to finish what little is left as soon as I can get my body moving again. 

We don't always realize what lessons we learn along the way.  It never crossed my mind in the growing up years that someday would be my turn for heavy duty yard work.  Now it is something that even is enjoyable to me.  Growth does that to you.  You may begin with some very painful times only to discover a greater joy in the end.  God may tell us things that seem hurtful to our ego.  Our feelings might even be hurt during those moments.  What we forget is that He sees us without any limits.  His vision is clear where ours tends to be blinded in various ways.  God knows full well what is good or what is bad in our life.  He may prune us back so more growth can occur.  Our very well managed world can go through upheaval while His word does its work.  We may not always like it but God does it for His eternal purpose. 

Being a mature believer requires an open attitude when God begins working in our life.  We cannot just mope along wishing for better days.  Real faith calls for us to allow God free reign in shaping our heart.  We will not blame Him for the mess.  We will be able to be a blessing to others because He sees us through.

Bro. Trey

How about we just touch on some highlights this evening?  Seems like a good time for the usual collection of odds and ends.  I did get to the doctor today.  All signs still point to ongoing remission from cancer.  My doctor is truly smarter than the average bear.  Talking with her is always insightful.  Time is usually limited with other patients waiting but it seems to help me tell her what is on my mind.  The next visit moves from three months to four months from now.  Appointments will continue to spread out as long as the good health remains.  All bets are off should things go unexpectedly bad.

I am trying to keep up with the ruckus over the President's speech on the Middle East the other day.  Doing this can be harder than it seems.  You cannot hardly find decent reporting on anything without it have commentary on one side or the other.  Most of the news is over what he said about Israel.  Just know that my preference is to make up my own mind about anything.  So far it would appear that some are applauding his efforts while the other half are taking him to the woodshed.  How shocking is that?  Here is what I do know about all of this.  Peace will be nearly impossible to come by without some miracle.  These factions are continuing a conflict that started thousands of years ago.  I also notice that Israel does seem to thrive despite every obstacle coming against it.  Yes, it does seem to me that there is divine providence involved.  Believers can get obsessed with Jewish stuff but my opinion is to remain in their good graces.  God does seem to take special care of His original covenant people.

We could talk more about how the Senior Prom is tomorrow.  My daughter will go with her crew to enjoy one last party in high school.  My prayer is for safety and a great celebration.  We could mention how my youngest brought home several medals today from Special Olympics.  His teacher called tonight to mention how he maybe broke some rules during one race.  As the saying goes, "If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying."
No one told him that he could not keep someone from passing him so he gave it the old college try.  We could also write about getting another round of rain this evening.  Drought conditions still exist but one can keep praying for more wet weather. 

Just thank God for another day whether you think it good or bad.  He is going to string all of our days together to make up a full life.

Bro. Trey

Tomorrow is my three month trip to the oncologist.  It still makes me look twice to read I actually have such a doctor.  Hopefully this will be yet another checkup with no sign of disease.  They will again take blood before my visit with her.  Monday of next week will be the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.  Maybe this is why my mind keeps coming back to that experience lately.  The finality of my disease is even now still sinking in for me.  This is not to say my cancer is back.  It is more the ongoing understanding that my world will be tethered to tests and doctors for a very long time.  One can hope that it is this way for a long time.  Either way, there is no release for me from this doctor.  The question is not if I will be seeing her but when or why.  I am content with going the checkup route.

Also, do not think of my mood as somber about this.  Feelings are fickle anyway before you even begin.  Seems to me that it is far better to stay in front of this diagnosis than get behind.  It is up to me in deciding how to deal with this reality.  How we view our world will go a very long way in determining what choices we make.  Some see this earthly journey as the sum total of random happenings.  Stephen Hawking wrote this week that all there is in life is what we have now.  He is not alone in that approach.  More than a few people go through this life as if there is nothing afterward.  Such a philosophy comes with its own set of consequences.  Perhaps it may lead you to enjoy all of this world that you can but it really does not give you much reason to be a better person. 

I do not or cannot share that mindset.  Being a person of faith calls for trust in life beyond now.  Just keep in mind that such a vision will not lessen the pain of bad news.  One thing stays with me after this year.  Life is a gift even if we do not know its limits.  To be alive matters as much in good health as it does in bad.  We can place our life at God's disposal regardless of the conditions.  So many believers tend to be waiting until all is perfect before making that choice.  What some of us know is that perfect day never really arrives.  It is a myth or a mirage that keeps us from letting God into our present reality.  David will express in the Psalms how he wrestles with a painful world even while looking to God.  His hope is not just in things getting better but in a present tense God.  Even our book of Revelation will follow that pattern.  John sees how hard things become but he also never loses sight of a great and awesome God.  He shows us how the eternal God is involved in the nasty now and near of life.  Sounds like a message needed for us today.

My troubles are no greater than another person experiences.  They are simply mine alone.  For not only are my days tied to a doctor but they are also in God's hands.  That is more than enough for me.

Bro. Trey

Wednesday did not go at all as planned.  The house is still undergoing a massive cleaning effort in the days before graduation.  We should be ready for any white gloved relative to venture by.  I still have more to do with the yard but the drought is taking care of most of my issues.  Ten years of stuff is slowly being eliminated from the past.  What you discover can be as interesting as what is tossed aside.  My best guess is there are things still in their original resting place from the day of moving into the home.  One of the tasks of mine was to run some errands to the store in the afternoon.  It was going to be only one stop but further discussion led to it becoming yet another.  This would not be a big deal in most places but adding that one meant driving much further than was the plan.  You may soon see a pattern developing.

Going to the store usually means a trip to our closest large town with more options.  It was my luck to hit the school traffic this afternoon.  Construction on the highway adds even more of a blessing to the trip.  My list of things to do was not terribly long but the drive lasted the same anyway.  What started as simple errands would turn into a cross country journey.  A one hour effort soon became three.  Do not read this as complaining.  Take this as just explanation for how plans can quickly go awry with even the best intentions.  What seemed so simple would be complicated with pitfalls along the way.  I would like to tell you of my success in doing these small tasks but that would be untrue.  Seems as if my attempts would fall short though not by my doing.  We can try again tomorrow.

Our tendency is to view God's will as some divine list of chores.  He will give us some instructions while we set out to cross each one off when finished.  Our efforts then seem lonely as we deal with obstacles along the way.  Frustration builds until we wonder if it's worth all of the aggravation.  But we eventually try again without much enthusiasm for another round of celestial errands.  My idea is that the will of God is as much who we are as it is what we do.  One connects to the other in our human experience.  God does indeed spell out in scripture many things that we are to be about.  He may not make a neat list but we can usually figure out what He is saying.  But there is that other aspect to His will.  My errands today were probably not going to change my life in any major fashion.  Being a person of God will be quite the opposite.  Remember that God will tell Moses of divine purpose while laying out His plan for him.  David will be a person of God long before he reaches the job of being king.  Part of moving past God's will as a list to do is in knowing your divine place in all of this.  Who you are matters as much as any divine task.  You cannot truly know the fullness of His purpose until you put being and doing together.

There is much more to life than crossing off every task along the way.  Learn to receive more of God's grace so you can explore more of God's purpose.  It may not always go according to plan but it will make a difference in your life as well as in the lives of others.

Bro. Trey

Once upon a time in a land almost far away there was a college professor who uttered some timely as well as profound words.  He said, "In ministry, you will be expected to perform miracles on a daily basis."  The point is how those who do church work for a living must somehow have secret insight on getting God to rescue people in trouble.  It was also a warning against the failure to provide those miracles when requested.  Many people do not take it well when a minister cannot call down the amazing upon demand.  Does this mean the one making the request is always misguided?  This is not always the case.  It may also be an issue for the minister who misses a moment to build a bridge between God and a human being. 

People live lives of various degrees of need.  It ranges from simply wanting an easy way out all the way to total desperation.  Each requires sensitivity to discern motives along with listening for an answer.  Jesus is our best model for doing both.  He will live among humanity for those years being able to stand between heaven and earth.  Some come to Him from terribly selfish motivations yet may receive what they seek.  Others do prove to be a bit more noble is asking Him for help.  These individuals seek God's help not just for rescue but to the relief of others.  But the attitude of Jesus is often the same toward each of these.  His grace is not just in how miracles happen but it begins in His heart.  Here is where we often miss out in our daily life.

We cannot do miracles with or for others unless we are miracles ourselves.  We cannot share with others what we do not have in our life.  Being self centered will erode the quality of God's presence in our world.  You will be blind to Him while being consumed by self.  This is a hard thing for us to learn as a disciple.  Life is very real when it crowds us.  Denial cannot be an option even for the believer.  Wishing away difficulty never goes well in the end.  How we face life or death should not be the driving force in our faith.  Reversing that equation determines how we deal with miracles or their lack.  You will need to learn being intentional with God in your private world.  Those who experienced Jesus in scripture did not wander up on Him.  They came to Him with a purpose.  But they also expressed that need with honesty of varying degrees.  Here is how you understand Jesus conversing with some about what their desire was truly all about.  It is not that Jesus doesn't know what they want but He is wanting them to also know the need.  Sometimes that is as much the miracle as the actual event.

Today's point is simply in knowing our need for divine help in a world longing for something more.  If we are not seeking God's help then how can we imagine giving it away to others? 

Bro. Trey

This is just going to be a test of the blogging set up tonight.  The old system would post according to the time I began writing.  Last night's lesson is that it now posts according to the time writing ends.  Sunday's post became Monday's place since it was a late evening.  The goal for this effort is to simply see what happens if two pieces of writing are posted the same day.  You probably did not need to know all of that but I just wanted to share. 

The discovery of the new date system also throws a wrench into the week.  All of the typical blogging occurs in the evenings.  Life is usually quiet by now so it helps with concentration.  I also know that my writing needs all of the help it can get.  I do wish that any regular readers here could find better stuff on a constant basis.  But you may already know how this is a concern of mine.  In the words of Yoda, "There is no try.  There is only do or not do." 

Now is the time for the big reveal.  We will return on Tuesday with a new determination to be creative as well as inspiring.  I do enjoy the process of writing.  My hope is someone finds something here worth reading.

Bro. Trey

This graduating thing is a full time job!  God knows how grateful I am for this experience but it does wreck havoc on your schedule.  Most of my time recently is spent looking at my calendar to remember where I was or when.  Not only does one prepare a child for the moment of leaving high school but there is also the physical preparation also.  Invitations must be sent out through the mail.  Yards need mowing for company to enjoy.  A house needs to be cleaned for any friend or relative who may be into inspections.  I cannot tell you whether the graduate or the parent stays busier than the other.  Even proud parents get wrapped up in the last days of the school year.  Even huge moments in the life of a family can be exhausting.

This dad is still enjoying most of the activity.  It was my pleasure to attend a meal this evening with some of our seniors including my daughter.  You should know that many in this class passed my way over the years.  Some were in sports leagues when they were younger.  Some still pass through my abode on a regular basis.  Some are just kids who I recognize.  It is almost a chance for me to relive some of my experience from over thirty years ago.  This time I can just watch this generation move closer to the big day without worrying about my plans.  Next week is the final high school prom for this group.  I may try to sneak my way inside to watch all of the beautiful girls and handsome guys.  Even us old guys enjoy a little sneakiness on occasion.

Let me keep this short for tonight.  Most, if not all of us would agree that we would do things differently back then if we had the knowledge of the present tense.  Part of this grows out of being human.  Know that there are decisions I would change if given the chance.  Just be sure there are other choices that would remain the same.  We make some of our decisions from our sinful nature which leads to unexpected costs.  Our tendency is to talk big about our faith while failing to move past selfish desires.  We may sing about God's blessings while never receiving them into our heart.  Graduates are not the only people who deal with choices about life.  Every day will bring us face to face with how we live out genuine trust in God.  We may not be teenagers but our actions still help create our reality.  Are our choices any deeper with God's help now than then?

It's late in the evening which means it is time to write for the blog.  You know that some nights it can be a better experience than others.  This post is one of the occasions when the well is dry.  We will hit posting 500 somewhere around the end of the month.  No one is inviting me to compose the next great novel but we continue on in our efforts.  Maybe there is something to hitting that mark around my next birthday.  My drivers license will soon tell others about reaching the half century figure.  Right now my plan is to tell people that I am half of a hundred.  Seems a bit more creative than just saying fifty.  Anyway, just be warned that our approach this evening is to touch on a few topics.

Some of us discussed being old school during prayer meeting earlier.  You can count me as one of those who miss some of the days gone by.  Technology will never be my friend.  New gadgets just are not on my list of presents I want.  Rotary dial phones are good enough for me.  Computers are still past my ability to do more than point or click.  GPS systems in the car are fine but whatever happened to road maps.  I had a relative who would stop by our house while growing up who showed me road maps of her travels.  Now it seems like every phone has far more use for everything else but actually calling someone.  One reason that I hope for a longer life is to see even more developments in the stuff we use.  I just won't be able to use any of it.

It took some time for different people to offer varied opinions on the death of Bin Laden.  You had to know it was coming.  Euphoria over his demise had to give way to some on either fringe to criticize that action with its aftermath.  Let me speak only for myself in saying that his passing did not sadden me one bit.  I could not help but notice how it served to remind us of the horrible events nearly ten years ago.  Probably my primary emotion was bittersweet.  I was agreeable to this action but could not avoid remembering that September day.  More than a few in our country took to the streets in jubilation.  I do not know if that would be my response.  Thousands of people still live with the pain that is born of grief.  It is only one death among so many on that one day plus in the days since overseas.  Justice was indeed served but grief lives on.

On a sad note, Mike Franks was killed last night.  Let me hurry to say that he is a recurring character on my favorite show NCIS.  He is not a real person.  The actor is doing just fine.  What amazed me is the response online among fans of the program.  You would think a real person did indeed lose his life in armed combat with a bad guy.  Don't yet again get me wrong.  I liked his character and will miss his occasional presence on the series.  But part of me wanted to register at various sites to remind these fans of his fictional nature.  His death is just part of story telling.  You might be surprised at how often human beings get far too caught up in non reality.  Many years ago a young person told me of her prayerful concern over a professional wrestler who was "attacked" during a match.  She could not know how it was part of the ongoing plot in that industry.  Believers are also prone to missing the reality of life for whatever reason.  Faith does not mean wishing for a better world.  It includes dealing with both the human and biblical realities each day.  Life is grounded in the truth of God whether we accept it or not.  It's not that escape is always a bad thing.  We just need to keep in mind our greater truth.

Bro. Trey

We are living in very strange times.  We can obviously say that both personally and theologically.  Let me admit to very much enjoying today.  It is the first day since last week that feels normal.  My list of things to do is still behind but maybe we can do some catching up.  Getting to exercise was a welcome relief after eating far too much bad food over the last few days.  Our school exercise complex now has weight scales.  Looks like any hope of dropping some weight is a thing of the past.  But my original idea was to mention how we exist in some of the most unique times ever.  The question is whether or not those times are about to end. 

Perhaps you read of some believers who are calculating May 21 as their last day on the planet.  I noticed a few articles about this before reading another one today.  One man is putting up billboards around the country to warn us of this date.  He is part of a group of individuals who honestly do not plan on being around on May 22.  Do not think my desire is to ridicule anyone who thinks this way.  Disagreeing with a person does not allow me the right to mock them for the beliefs.  Anyway, whoever is the "leader" of this movement put the math to scripture to arrive at this calendar date.  Do not try convincing them of the possibility of another plan for the end of the world.  Several of them are upfront on their genuine confidence of their departure only a few days from now.  Bills will go unpaid.  Groceries will not be bought.  They see no earthly reason to do anything like that since the time is at hand.  I guess most of us would be doing the same thing in their position.

Count me as one who disagrees with this conclusion.  I could write on and on about those reasons but we will save you the boredom.  You cannot help but believe scripture with the understanding there is a final day in our future.  My approach to this topic does not follow the norm of most of the books being printed much less these folks in final preparation.  I still think that God is the one who has the last word on what happens.  Many who believe the truth of scripture disagree on how all of this will occur.  But we can all recognize that even Jesus knew before He left that there is a day coming.  This is one reason why so many well meaning people continually attempt to guess at the date.  So far the statistics are perfect.  All of these date setters are wrong.  So we live in the shadow of this second coming even now.  It could be May 21 or it could be May 20.  God only knows this date.

One question crosses my mind thinking on all of this.  How would we behave were we convinced of a date drawing close that would be the end?  Maybe we spend too much time stressing out about this world to the neglect of the one coming?  We cannot avoid our duties as we move through this life.  Bills come due that call for our attention.  Events get written on our calendars in every area of life.  But do we truly live in the reality of the limits of this life?  Maybe we find attempts such as this latest one to be an example of being over zealous for the end.  But you cannot doubt the sincerity of their efforts.  Just remember that our true hope is not a future date.  Our real hope is in a person not a day.  Here is why we may want to live the truth intentionally rather than hit or miss.  By the way, if there is no blog post after May 21 you know why.  All we can do is live our best until that time finally arrives.

Bro. Trey

I asked my daughter as we left the school tonight if she knew what day this is.  Not sure if the grammar in that sentence is correct but it was a valid question.  You will have to begrudge me at least one more personal piece of writing here.  My confusion originates from how hectic this last week turned out.  She did finally tell me that it is still a Monday.  Right now each day just kinda mixes in with all of the others.  Again, please do not think that I am complaining.  My choices go into each of the events of the last few days as far as my schedule.  It was my decision to make those trips last week to visit friends in their loss.  My choice was to attend one event in the morning followed by an academic banquet this evening.  Losing track of the days just tagged along for the ride.

My son went to his prom this morning.  Several hundred special needs students gathered to dance the morning away.  He borrowed one of my ties to go with his outfit.  At least I was able to talk him out of a full "man's suit."  But he did look awful spiffy in his nice clothes.  My daughter and I drove over to watch while she took photos for the yearbook.  It was a celebration of chaos to be sure.  This dad had a few moments when the emotions began to build.  You should see all of these students just march to the beat of "Thriller."  Some who attended live with mild issues that barely nudge them out of the mainstream.  Others are trapped inside their minds and bodies out of reach for most of us.  Nico is from Hallsville.  He is one who will never know what it is to be free from his wheelchair. Every student there is so amazing and special.  Dads dance with daughters even if a child is picked up and held.  Wheelchairs sway back and forth to music.  Life is not easy for these.  I do include my son in that group.  But this was one day for them to cut loose and enjoy.

Tonight was our school's academic banquet.  This yearly event recognizes the academic accomplishments throughout the high school.  It is also the last one for my daughter.  Let's just say we almost needed a U Haul truck to transport her winnings.  I am so very proud of her class.  They remind me of my graduating class way back in the 20th century.  These are the kids that are closest to my heart.  Many who are connected to our church received all manner of recognition.  My emotions once again nearly took over near the end.  This just happen when a dad sees his little girl named both Student of the Year along with Valedictorian.  It also happened when one of her friends received a special leadership award at the end.  Her dad and I went to high school together way back when.  We will just say that I felt like a proud father when hearing of both these awards.  Something tells me to bring two boxes of tissues to graduation.

You will never hear my apologize for putting fatherhood above most everything else in life.  Now it is also true that my job allows me some freedoms not found with other employment.  Making time for special education proms is far easier for me than most guys.  So it seems to be wise in taking advantage of this unique freedom.  Hopefully there is more involved than just the amount of hours or minutes.  My greatest desire was to be a dad who had kids who liked him along with being around him.  I really do not have any great secret in making that a reality.  I am just me for better or for worse.  All that I know is how great my life is because of my two offspring.  I am very proud of both for their own achievements.  Maybe my emotions end up working overtime but each minute is worth it. 

Bro. Trey

This last week is taking a toll on me.  Do not think of this as a complaint.  It is what it is.  There is nothing that would keep me from multiple drives or conversations with friends during this loss.  I would like to draw much of this event to a close tonight.  Temptation serves to have me return constantly to the death of our friend.  Some of this happens because in my busyness there was not a lot of time for me to process my feelings about it all.  Most of my attention was focused on my classmates and a family.  I realize some of that is due to my profession.  It's just what my job demands.  I also think some of this is from my background.  You can well imagine that my friendships were very diverse in school.  More than a few of us were close with people of all shapes and sizes.  All of that is to relate how much of my attention this past week was on others more than myself.  This is neither right or wrong.  It just is.

Our graduating class remains unusually close after all of these years.  We don't always see each other often but we instantly reconnect.  Some friends came home that I'd not seen in thirty years.  It took one hello for us to feel like nothing changed.  Perhaps it is best that I say it felt that way for me.  We all have other friends and family but we remain somehow tied to each other.  My classmates sat as a group during the memorial service.  There were at least two rows of them.  My seat ended up being behind one of the podiums at the Methodist church.  Not sure that was really the place for me but it was far easier than trying to dodge the flowers along the railing.  My daughter's class reminds me a great deal of mine.  They seem to have an unusual closeness developing.  I can only hope they have half of the bonding of my classmates.

My hope was to deliver the eulogy in a way that celebrated a life while bringing some comfort.  Listening to conversations among my friends was one source of inspiration.  I also spent time reading both the guestbook of the funeral home along with my friend's Facebook page.  Several of my comments grew out of that reflection.  I included some of the more professional remarks based on my experiences.  Someone made a comment to me after the services that is staying with me.  Another mom who lost a son years ago said that she was not crazy about the idea of closure.  Nobody ever said it that way in my hearing.  Her point is that she continues to think about her loss years after the services.  My thought process is now leaning toward her direction.  Memorial services may serve a purpose but it really does not bring closure. 

Allow me to be real personal for just a minute.  My body, mind and whole self feel very weary tonight.  This is a loss that takes me all of the way back to 1968 and first grade.  My heart also hurt for three kids who lost their mother with little notice.  Nothing is ever going to be the same again for them.  The same is true for my classmates.  Being invincible is no longer an option for us.  Losing my friend so close to my illness is giving me reason to again think through life and its meaning.  Perhaps you will read someday of my findings.  I am content to ponder this tragedy in quiet for now.  I am after all only human. 

Bro. Trey

I admit to being on the weary side tonight.  This week feels like several days of Sundays with the driving and visiting back home.  My goal is to keep this very short.  Just let me report that funeral services for my classmate and friend went well.  The Methodist minister did a super job with the message.  One of my high school friends sang and just knocked it out of the park.  My eulogy hopefully was a fitting tribute as well as a measure of comfort to family and friends.  I really do think that we have one of the best classes to ever graduate together.  It was so good to see so many old friends even under the circumstances.  Let me also admit to having my share of grief these last few days.  This was no professional performance for me.  I will miss my friend for who she was and for what she meant to me.  All of my classmates are feeling the same way.  Our loss is tragic but I am reminded yet again that love never fails.

Bro. Trey

This sure is turning out to be a wild week.  Sunday night was the news of Bin Laden's death.  Rain and colder weather was the big thing here on Monday.  Tuesday will be remembered as the day I got a call on the death of my classmate.  It was also the first of what will be several trips back home since I returned on Wednesday.  More about all of that in a moment.  Today served as a catching up day on house stuff along with the usual dad duties.  At least we all have clean clothes now for the next few days.  Life really can hum along for awhile only to be interrupted by periods of excitement.  I actually told someone on Sunday that this was going to be my quiet week before things got hectic in the next.  Remind me to never say that ever again. 

Tomorrow looks like another trip up north to attend funeral visitation.  Several of my friends and classmates are going to be there.  I was going to miss this event but now my thinking is it can be a good experience.  No doubt but there will be more than a few I haven't seen in years.  Linden is not really far from me so it is a fairly easy drive.  My hometown is depressing for me when traveling through.  Growing up there was such a great experience.  We lived in a bustling small town if you can call it that.  Most of the stores on the square are now boarded up and empty.  I remember walking those streets as people went in and out of those places to buy clothes, groceries and such.  My school is now far smaller than when we attended.  Our class had about 80 graduates back in 1979.  My guess is that is not quite twice the size of now.  Some of my friends still used party lines with the phone system.  So much changed over the years since I left.  But my departure probably did not cause the current condition.

My brain is still racing over what to say on Saturday.  Don't know if I mentioned here that I am one of the speakers.  This is a huge honor for me.  Let me also say that I think this will be about the most important set of funeral comments in my career.  Never have I spoken to so many people who are life long friends.  My friend was a huge part of our lives as a class.  We reconnected a few years ago through one of our reunions.  Our paths continued to cross at other gatherings there at home as well as other occasions.  I am beyond grateful for this.  Emotions are sure to play a part during the memorial.  I cannot tell you yet what form that will take.  My feelings took over during a funeral many years ago.  It was for a close church friend whose very young daughter died.  My goal is to handle this one much better. 

Not sure if there will be another blog post until Sunday.  Maybe there will be a very short one or two along the way.  I do know that my hope is the few days left in this week will be boring in comparison to the first few days.

Bro. Trey

Life tends to take a direction all its own from time to time.  Our plans or hopes are no defense against such moments.  Faith will affect how you respond.  If you constantly remain open to God then you will be in a better position to make it through.  The one who is casual with God in daily life will find it very difficult to move to the attitude of trust.  Life can be like Humpty Dumpty who could never be put back together again.  We will need to find our place with God in new realities.  Believe me that you never need to be a victim as you make your earthly journey.  Just do not forget that crisis is not a matter of if but when.

One of my school classmates died suddenly yesterday afternoon.  She was fifty.  I first met her in the first grade way back in the 1960's.  Several of us went all the way from that day to graduation together.  Events like this cut us to the core as we deal with our loss.  My last two days were basically spent in my "hometown" visiting with family and friends.  I was on the phone with one of my classmates when she received news of our friend's death.  My arrival in our town took just about an hour from hearing the news to making the drive.  This is no professional behavior but it is just because we all care for each other.  I didn't leave there until very late in the night yesterday.  Today was time for another trip up to see old friends.  Time was spent with a family who lost a daughter and sister.  I returned home tonight earlier than when I left yesterday.  This may make sense but my body and mind are weary so forgive me if it doesn't.

The parents of my friend invited me to participate in her memorial service on Saturday afternoon.  This is a real honor for me personally.  Now there are two projects for me to prepare.  My regular Sunday message is still very important.  God allowed me a direction for this week prior to the bad news.  But it seems to me that this memorial eulogy is maybe the most important one ever for me.  Many of my classmates and friends will be attending.  There are family members to consider.  I can only hope and pray for insight into what words need to be said.  The local Methodist minister will deliver the serious part of our remarks.  My role is to bring some personal touch to the gathering.  This challenge is humbling.  My hope is again for divine guidance.

My heart hurts over this loss.  My friends are feeling the pain of this death.  A family is facing such an unexpected turn of events that will change them forever.  I hope as we are passing through this time of travel in death's shadow that God's presence will envelope us in His grace.  Seems like this is a good thing to pray on any type of day.  It will be God who provides the means to move of from grief to gladness.

Bro. Trey

Our news cycle continues to churn away on the death of Osama Bin Laden.  We are learning more and more about all of the particulars involved in that event.  I read mostly mystery or suspense novels when relaxing.  Many of them concern various degrees of cloak and dagger plots.  This mission sounds very much like a story lifted from one of those books.  One difference is that this story took almost ten years to complete rather than the usual 400 pages or so in print.  We can wish that our world was not such a dangerous place but it is what it is.  War and conflict are woven into world history since its earliest days.  Now we face dangers that move with much more stealth than ever  before.  We cannot begin to speculate on any reprisals that may or may not occur.  It is enough for a few days that our country can at least find some closure over the past decade of seeking this one man.  Not even the original attack provided much cooperation among the various political parts of our nation for very long.  We can feel very proud for now that brave men and women trained, planned then carried out this raid successfully with no injuries. 

Today was also spent doing the usual catch up stuff around the house for a Monday.  Our church hosted a meeting for area churches at night.  These were once very big things in terms of attendance.  Very few made it out on a cold, rainy evening to get together.  I was not surprised from seeing how the crowds continue to dwindle over the years.  Let me at least say thank you to everyone who put all of the food and preparations together.  I do appreciate it.  Let me also announce that our smaller congregation still remains in the top five in terms of financial support of this work.  This is one of those things that does bring me appropriate pride for our efforts.  There may not be many of us here but we do pick up our share of the load when it comes to missions.  Not every church can say that.

You may not be surprised to read that I tend to be a bit of a rebel when it comes to such meetings.  Do not think that my participation is somehow off but it means I really do not fit in any Baptist clique.  It is also nights like this when my shy side tends to really show itself.  Maybe someday there will be an expert who can tell me why this happens.  I just do not mind being out of the focus during any occasion.  To be front and center has some appeal but that usually goes away very quickly.  The host church minister is invited to bring a short message at the start of our meetings.  Younger days would have me trying to amaze and captivate the listeners at the gatherings.  Tonight is a far different story.  I was content just sharing some of my personal story to the small crowd.  Old age does tend to give you a varied perspective on being fascinating.  Maybe the chance was missed to wow the handful of people.  Maybe it is fine to go in a different direction.

My conclusion was basically a few ideas gleaned from my years of ministry.  Most lessons learned in this job come the hard way.  These were just some of my thoughts from my experience.  One suggestion is to remember that you are a human being.  Long before anyone becomes a minister is the day you are born just a human being.  Ministers are prone to imagine a claim to divinity that eventually leads to horrible decisions.  I am content just being a person.  Another idea is to teach or preach the scripture however your personality allows.  I used to be able to rant and shout with the best of them.  There are times that still may call for a more forceful delivery.  Just do not imagine that increased volume makes the truth more true.  A last thought is to admit when you are wrong.  Just being in ministry does not mean you are smarter than everyone else.  I learned long ago that most church conflicts are rooted in ego and not issues.  We fight because of our conviction that no one else is as smart as us.  We seldom really agree to disagree.  Our tendency is to wait for a later date to prove our position as correct. 

Tomorrow will be another day.  My hope is we again use it wisely for God's purpose.

Bro. Trey

Wow.  This turned out to be quite the day.  My quiet evening was disrupted by the wait for the news of Bin Laden's sudden demise.  I have to applaud CNN for their insistence on confirming the story.  My usual choice is CNN so I can make my decisions on what to do with news.  Let me also give credit to our current President for his veiled shout out to George W. Bush during his remarks.  I wondered what mention our former leader might receive on this occasion.  Nearly ten years following our devastation from a terrorist attack we can finally celebrate a major victory as a country.  We still have our problems as a nation but we can on this night revel in all of the sacrifice of our armed services. 

Tonight was also the night when one of the cable channels did a documentary on the tragic accident that wounded my town back in 2003.  We lost four young women to a horrific act of violence beyond anyone's control.  I wasn't sure just how much my mind could take.  My basic role was as an outsider during those days.  None of the girls or related families were directly related to my congregation.  But there were a few occasions for me to spend time with those involved.  There are a few things that did include me that remain very much private for me.  Some of those actions will be taken to my grave.  Let this program be a reminder that grief has no time limit.  Eight years is not nearly enough time for mothers to fully recover from such a loss.  Some of the images of that long night will stay with me forever.

Now it is time to wind down.  This is way more excitement than usual for a Sunday.  Work along with my afternoon exercise makes for a very full day.  At least the laundry was finished while waiting on the news.  Church was a good experience today.  Maybe it would be best to say it seemed to go well.  We have two new babies in our church now.  Something about newborns can lift the spirits of any congregation.  We will have a second wave of births in July.  I am praying very much for continued health for the moms to be.  Make this a good week if at all possible.  We have each day as a gift to be used for divine purposes.  Not every day can be as exciting as this one but it is still our gift.  Lets learn to get the most of our time for all eternity. 

Bro. Trey