November begins tomorrow. It didn't seem like we would ever reach this point of the year. The weather still is not quite into the swing of fall yet. Perhaps this is one of those years where it just never does really cool down. Halloween is now behind us. My youngest got as much out of this holiday as possible. You will just have to blame me for that. If there is any level beyond being spoiled then that is where he will be. He told me tonight that it is time to look toward Thanksgiving. My fear is he already sees that holiday as a brief stopping point on the way to Christmas. Let's hope that I can help him see it as a fun holiday all its own.

There is one amazing thing about tomorrow. It is the first of November and I will take my daughter to a baseball game. Our team is in a very big hole at the moment. Right now it will take an amazing comeback to win the World Series. But it is still rather awesome to me that our team is still playing baseball in November. We are going to have a good time tomorrow no matter what happens. Our last game that we usually attend is in August. We rarely get to any games once school begins. But our team is still playing even if we keep ending up on the losing side of the contest. We are going to celebrate tomorrow just because we can.

Life moves fast in the fall. High School football is about to begin the playoffs. Sure seems like just a few weeks ago that the season began. Our church held its fall fest this evening. We were visited by all manner of costumed individuals. It was loud. It was frantic. It was great. Those who were in charge outdid themselves in preparation. This is one of my favorite things that we do. If you cannot enjoy children having fun then all I know to do is pray for you. We may not be a large congregation but we do throw a mean party. Now we will prepare for one celebration after the other as we move into the holiday season. One of my many weak spots is the tendency to be so occupied with all that goes on that I neglect to enjoy why we celebrate. Every year begins with the determination to avoid this but it is much easier said than done. Let me declare my intention to do better this year. You can look back in two months or so to see how we did.

We will probably not be blogging tomorrow. My hope is this will be a great week for whoever stumbles across this website. This is among my most favorite times of the year. Going to a baseball game tomorrow makes it even better. It took me nearly fifty years to go to my first World Series game. My daughter is doing it in eighteen years. We are going to appreciate this outing. God offers us blessings that sometimes fall outside the usual religious ideas. A baseball game in November counts as one of those to me. Win or lose is secondary to being healthy enough to enjoy our adventure. One can only hope that the celebrating will continue through all of the holidays waiting on us.

Bro. Trey

Tonight will be very short here on the blog. There are still a few loose ends to tie up for tomorrow morning. But it just seems important to mention that my daughter and I will be going to the World Series on Monday. You probably are weary of reading of my devotion to the game of baseball. That is completely understandable. We will try to avoid dwelling on that topic again. What is just amazing to me is to be going to a World Series game. I started watching these games way back in 1968. That is forty-two years of keeping up with the championship of baseball. Now it is finally happened that I can see one of these games in person.

The big thing for me is getting to go with my daughter. We were there only a few weeks ago for a playoff game. Our team lost that day. If we see our team lose again then we may not be allowed to go back. If you ever think about going to see a major league game just let me urge you to do so. There are few things that I love in life more than taking my daughter or even both of my children to the game. I will be sure to get some popcorn along with peanuts during the game. Surely they also sell Cracker Jack at the park. One thing will be much better this trip than the prior one. My last trip was at the tail end of my last week of treatment. Nothing really tasted quite right that day. You can be sure of my enjoyment of all the food we can afford on this adventure.

The best job of my life is being a Dad. Having my beloved game be such a strong bond for us makes it even better. We have something that can last a lifetime for us. Never discount anything you can do as a family together. Our religious life should obviously be part of that equation. I don't mean just simply going to church together. Can you talk about spiritual things when alone at home? This is part of just being a believer in every area of life. You don't have to be deep or profound but just comfortable in being who you are. You may discover how this part of life can be full of joy along with all of the rest. My hope is for you to enjoy whatever you may do with you and yours.

Bro. Trey

A wise man once said, "baseball do what baseball do." That would be the story of our Texas Rangers after two games of the World Series. Someone kidnapped the team after they won the American League Championship and replaced them with these guys. The game 5 trip on Monday is looking very iffy now. You would think the team would win at least one game so my daughter and I could go to Arlington on Monday. We are having our doubts at the moment. It was the Rangers manager who said those words that begin our writing tonight. He may be a prophet without knowing it.

Baseball can be a cruel sport at times. I am grateful for the years of playing while growing up in Texas. You can discover that this game will take just as much as it gives. God gave me just enough ability to have a handful of memories that remain with me to this day. No one will ever confuse me with a great athlete but at least I can look back to a few highlights. Along with the highs there were also some lows while playing. Some of my teams were pretty good. There were some that feel a little short in the talent area. I do remember it always being fun regardless of our performance.

It was sitting in a seminar a few years back that I heard words that remain with me now. The professor said that you don't stop playing a baseball game just because you make an error. You keep playing while trying to overcome the mistake. We do tend to forget that truth. There are times when we have to play out the situation at the moment. Maybe did your job but someone else made the error. You will still have to keep going or else forfeit the game. Like the game of baseball you may need to depend on others to get you out of a jam. All I could do when pitching a game was to put the ball in play. There were eight other fielders who would need to also do their part. Sometimes it may be up to you to get out of a predicament. This is when you take responsibility to do your best. You can never make it through a mess if you never try.

It could be said that "life do what life do." This is true for a professional minister or the ordinary believer. You will never fail as long as you invite God to do His best in the worst of our times. In the book of Romans we are told that not even our weaknesses will limit the possibility. We are not punished by God for having normal human frailty. Paul writes that God will indeed help us in our weakness. He goes so far as to say that even our prayers do not need all of the correct words to be effective. When all you can do is groan or sigh due to errors or any other problem you can be assured of God's help. So how can you possibly lose if you are open to this? It seems to me that you can't.

Bro. Trey

This is a night of great battle. Serious conflict is taking place even as I type. Odds are good that this is a war with the potential for significant damage. One does not enter the field of battle without knowing the risks involved. I never look forward to these times. There are occasions when the conflict turns out on the positive side. Sometimes the conclusion of such skirmishes end in bitter defeat. You should know what this is all about. Perhaps you can avoid the same troubles that come my way in moments like this. My computer and I are waging an intense conflict over what it will and will not do. My efforts are valiant but it does appear as if I will be on the losing side of this endeavor.

You know that I am pretty "old school" when it comes to all the new gizmos and such today. This extends to a very limited knowledge of computers. If you cannot point and click to get one to work then I am way over my head. The same thing is true in my relationship with cell phones. Did you know that such devices are being used more for texting than actually making phone calls? My phone was upgraded on Monday. I now have a cell phone that is sturdy enough for my travels as well as for my son to use. My question to the salesman was why do you not call them "cell texters" now? Our students do not talk to one another as much as they type messages on their phone. If my life requires a cell phone then my expectation is to use it to hear voices. Guess I am old fashioned that way.

My mind does not even begin to try to understand contemporary technology. I would vote for the old rotary style phone if allowed. My hero from television is Jethro Gibbs from the series NCIS. If pencil and paper are good enough for him then they are good enough for me. There are many advantages to keeping up with the latest tools to be sure but my brain is limited on how much knowledge it holds. I am fully aware that not making room for this information is my loss. Every time I give in to stretch my boundaries in similar areas is a good thing. Some people are just resistant to new methods. This is not limited to technology but it can be applied to anything we encounter. What we do not know at times can matter as much as we do know.

My mind is thinking about the topic of prayer as the battle rages. This is going to be the theme of my message on Sunday as we work through Romans 8. I wrote recently that we tend to overlook the discipline of prayer far too often. Someone once preached a message in a similar vein titled, "It's only a prayer meeting." Seems as if I ended up hearing it twice for some reason. We do tend to elevate listening to bible studies over being involved in prayer. But my point of this post is to notice how we dismiss prayer at times until there comes a crisis. That's when we usually turn to God as some type of last resort. It seems that we may not always want God's involvement until we desperately need it.

Battles are fought on a regular basis that go far beyond computers or cell phones. This is where being able to pray becomes so crucial. I don't mean just how we verbalize our prayers but it's about connecting with our Heavenly Father. This is not about being old school or remaining current in what happens around us. It's about knowing that God can handle our weaknesses even when we can't. We do not have to live as victims while moving through life. God is more than able to not only be in our corner but join us in our conflict. He will examine our heart so we can eject stubborn sin from our life. God will guide us so we learn what His will is all about. We begin by not being in conflict with Him over whether or not we will pray. Perhaps that is the best place to start with praying. Once we let God capture our hearts then we won't resist bring our prayers to Him. We will know what it is to remain in constant contact even when the battle goes on.

Bro. Trey

One bad habit is coming to my attention as the blog rolls along. My tendency to start off in one direction yet end up going in another troubles me. Seems like there are too many times when my thoughts end up incomplete. Maybe this is not a totally bad thing to happen. Some of those thoughts may not be worth completing. But it is something for me to keep in mind if we keep trying to write. We may have times when there are multiple topics within a single post. But it seems like a good idea for the single topic times to avoid multiple or incomplete ideas.

Part of my problem is yet again due to my personality. My mind tends to multi task rather than focus on a single issue. Years ago I made the discovery that my personality is on the rare or unique side. Please understand that there are several benefits to how God wired me. But any type of personality comes with drawbacks or weaknesses. We don't talk often about this in church yet it is the source of our best as well as our worst. Our normal discussion relates to how God gifted us. This is well and good but it is only part of our story. Believers are indeed gifted but those gifts are expressed through our lives. Knowing our personality is an enormous help in how we live out those gifts.

One of the blessings of knowing why we are who we are is that it relieves us of false guilt that arises on occasion. We are told or even taught how we should behave in terms of our personality. I know this from being an introvert by design and decision. Ministers are often the types of people who are extroverted much like the salesman. But do you ever stop to notice just how many different personality types exist in our world? My opinion is that it is far easier for the introvert to learn how to open up to people than for the extrovert to be quiet. This does not mean that it is easy but only that we introverts have an easier path. You do not ever need to feel guilty in how you relate to others. God wires you to be who you are. He does not ever wire you to be someone else.

Just remember that the experiences of life may color your personality. Someone who lived through painful moments in the past can easily allow those events to drive them more inward than God designed. I also know that the reverse can occur. Some may end up with an unhealthy need for approval due to those remaining scars. Neither of these outcomes falls in line with God's best. Here is why I speak so much on the need for emotional healing from our divine relationship. Think about Moses for a minute. God calls him to a great task early in the book of Exodus. He also assures Moses of success in this matter. What does Moses do? He spends a chapter or so trying to tell God why Moses just can't be the right man for the job. Insecurity in the life of Moses almost ends God's best before it ever gets started. Ever wonder how many great things of God are left undone simply because of our fears or insecurities? My guess is it happens much more than we know.

David writes in the Psalms that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." It may be that you feel more weird than wonderful. Know that you are not alone with this feeling. Part of the journey of life is in uncovering all that God wants to do in you and through you. It sounds almost like a cliche to say you are a unique creation of God. Maybe it sounds odd to us because we have not yet discovered that truth. You will go a long way in becoming a whole believer when you allow this truth to become part of you. My hope for you is that it happens sooner rather than later.

Bro. Trey

This is usually where I complain about how hard it is to come up with topics for the blog. One major idea carries the day for this post. My doctor told me early this morning that I am well in terms of dealing with this round of cancer. I say it this way because there will always be the possibility that some form of this disease will resurface. You may remember that one friend of mine is now twelve years past his treatment with no setbacks. Anyway, that was a bit of a rabbit that I chased there. My main point is to let anyone who may be reading this blog that my new status is one of a cancer survivor. Now comes the adjusting to that designation.

Someone mentioned to me today that perhaps some of my struggle may be with "survivors guilt." That may be entirely possible. Do not get me wrong on this. I am glad and grateful for this outcome. This was quite a journey even if it only lasted about four months. But there is a real desire to not be seen as gloating over this outcome. My job makes me painfully aware that not all people get to be a survivor. Some people do end up in a far worse position than mine. One thing will be true from this moment in time. I cannot imagine not having a new depth of sympathy for those with any type of ailment. One of my prayers will be to carry over lessons learned in this crisis to the remainder of ministry.

Another reason for this type of guilt stems from my particular yet peculiar personality. Knowing that not all are blessed with this response tends to dampen my celebration. This is just part of my unique weirdness. Part of me does want to cut loose in gratitude for this good news. Still there remains that other side which is cautious with today's news. Maybe there will come a day when I get it right. My number one feeling tonight is one of quiet gratitude. Another prayer of mine is to receive any and all of God's blessing from this experience. There is more to a time like this than just getting through it. We can also remain open to what God has in store for us along the way.

Can't tell yet is this post is making any sense or not. So let me just stop here by saying how grateful that I am to God for this outcome. My motto was to be better by miracle or by medicine. Both of these ways cooperating works just fine for me. I am also grateful for anyone who helped me get through all of this with words of encouragement. You cannot know how much every action meant to me. We will keep trying to be faithful to the blog. Maybe we picked up with writing due to my illness but life goes on. This is my plan for now. I can only hope that perhaps somewhere along the way that someone will find some light from the words here. My hope is to continue the discovery of God's goodness so it can be shared with you.

Bro. Trey

The topic tonight was going to be the Texas Rangers baseball team. But we will save that for another day. Why the change? My congregation surprised me this evening by recognizing this October as my tenth anniversary here. That does not mean that I was thinking they forgot it. What I am saying is they went above and beyond the proverbial call of duty. So let me thank FBC Tatum on behalf of me and mine for their kindness. You are appreciated in ways you do not know. It was a great time of eating fish, hearing gospel singing, and being taken unaware by the terrific people in the congregation.

Doing ministry as a job is really one of the strangest jobs in existence. There are times when my greatest wish is to be totally honest about the bizarre aspects that come with this territory. Again, I do not say this to be mean or to disparage the work of ministry. One thing that I usually tell people is that it can be fairly easy sometimes to be a minister. There are also many times when it is the no win scenario. You could not pay some people any amount of money to do some of the things which come my way. I don't blame people for that. This is one reason why there must be a sense of divine calling to do church work. You would need to be assured of God's resources before you tackled this career. My most rewarding moments take place in doing ministry. But my all time lowest experiences also take place with church work. To quote Charles Dickens, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." This is church life at its most basic element.

Ministry is a strange job all its own. Let me try to illustrate. You can read books or gain information from the business world that will help you do ministry. But doing ministry is not a business that one can just manage. You can study in the fields of behavioral science for help in carrying out the duties of a minister. However, being a minister is far more than doing counseling. You might even gain insight from athletic coaches for dealing with people in ministry. Yet, the minister is not a coach only. There are an unlimited number of educational disciplines one may study that will sharpen the skills of a minister. You will still discover that being a minister contains aspects of all of the above yet remains in a niche beyond them. It may help to study on public speaking in order to better teach or preach. Again, doing ministry is more than being a public speaker each week. Perhaps you get a glimpse of what I am trying to tell you.

What is the most important thing for the minister to know or learn? I can only speak for myself in this answer. The skills of doing ministry came very slowly for me. My concept of doing this was pretty much limited to the teaching/preaching area when I began. Any other skills that I do or do not possess are the result of lots of trial and error. You can be assured that my weaknesses stand out to me as much as they may to you. But just learning skills is not the most important thing that I learned. I needed to know my own personality or gifts in the way God wired me. One unfortunate truth of this was the discovery that He made me a little on the weird side. Let's hope there are not too many others out there like me. But you should also know that my confidence is that however God wired me means He can do stuff through me that few if any others can do. This is not meant to be bragging. It is just what it is.

Thank you again to all who shared in marking this anniversary. Being a minister is a weird and wonderful blend of making the moments matter in the lives of others. My greatest hope is to come through this treatment for my disease so I can return to active duty. We may return this week again to this topic. Some may want or perhaps some would need to know more of my views on ministry. Just be sure to know that I want to always do my best. Also be assured that there will be far too many times when that best will fall short. We can make each other better in church life by patience and mercy. We need that from God. We also need it from one another.

Bro. Trey

Life is difficult. Once you get that fact settled then the rest of life becomes easier to accept. This is one area where believers tend to go amiss in their journey. It goes without saying that my illness falls directly into this category. It does not really matter what results are given Monday. There could the answer that my body shows no evidence of disease. It is also possible that there may be the presence of an active illness remaining. You cannot completely rule out that the situation could take a dire turn. The truth will remain that life is difficult even with a good prognosis. The question will not be if there will be more crises in life but when will they happen. I don't mean this as doubt in any shape or form. It just is what it is.

Our usual tendency in trouble is to isolate ourselves from it or insulate our emotions against any trouble we face. Emotional experts call this the time of denial. This is when we push aside harsh reality even though we do not change it. We can even hide our feelings among religious behavior. My point is that we may not be really aiming for spiritual growth. Our heart or mind may not be open to divine truth as we move through trials. But we will quote a select few verses of scripture or act as if all is well in our world. Human beings tend to grasp at anything that will make their world stop spinning out of control. These words are not meant to be harsh. There are better ways to face our sufferings than just settling for denial.

Years ago there was a sermon or a book or something that captured my attention. I just do not remember the source. What I remember is the admonition "don't waste your sorrows!" It seems to me that the writer was saying that sorrows are common for all of us whether saved or lost. His desire was to believers not to miss out on what God does even in sorrowful circumstances. My guess is that being young limited me from really understanding all that was said. Today the truth of those words are much more meaningful. Much of my insight now comes not from learning but from experiencing difficulty with others or on my own.

It is more than a cliche that we can learn great truths about God when we remain open to His activity. Great people in scripture model that truth for us. We also just know God through problems in ways not possible when comfortable. You might think that the oldest book in the Bible would be Genesis. You may be surprised to learn that most academics view Job as the oldest book in scripture. If nothing else this tells us that man's struggle to process the bad things of our journey is as old as time itself. The ultimate answer for this man Job was not the restoring of his stuff. Perhaps the greatest answer is that Job knows God in ways he never did prior to his particular disasters.

Suffering helps purify our vision. We learn to see everything differently in the crisis. Hopefully our attention is taken off the peripheral issues and set on the eternal. One of the outcomes of this will be our value on those around us. But suffering can also remind us of our limits or our faults. Seems almost funny how we tend to bargain with God on the basis of our perceived goodness in tough times. God often will use those same times to graciously move us into a new awareness of our frailty. How odd that we who profess our belief in God would need to be reminded of our imperfections? What we learn in our troubles can change our life in ways we cannot imagine. Being open to God is the difference between being bitter and being better in our spiritual life. Which one do you want to be?

Bro. Trey

Doing bible study always has a great effect on me. One of the things that drew me to this career in ministry was the opportunity to spend time learning about the Bible. After nearly thirty years of study this part of the job still excites me. That doesn't mean that a lot hasn't changed since those early days. In the beginning there was still a definite need to just learn how to do research. Then came the time when the balance between heart and brain came into play. I would like to think of myself as a biblical conservative who does not mind thinking critically. To me what the scripture says remains tied to the why it says it or how we apply it. Experience still teaches me that we miss this far too often in study. We have those who randomly quote verses with no idea that their application has no relevance to the meaning of a text. We also have more than a few who only see scripture as history or a statement on ancient cultures. One of my key beliefs is that we will never get what the Bible means unless we connect with what it meant. It seems to me that this is all the difference between building a house on sand or rock. My faith always wants to be related to the rock.

God's word is such an amazing thing. Without boring you with statistics or details just know there is no other book in the world like it. No other religion has such a collection of authors who speak with one voice on God's divine purpose. Sometimes a person will start spouting the usual garbage about it being less than truthful. One person that I knew years ago even tried telling me how Catholic priests wrote it around 300 AD. Did you realize that there is more evidence on the authenticity of the Bible than there is for some of the works of Shakespeare? You can ignore scripture if you wish but explaining it away just does not stand any test. Some contemporary writers are making more than a few dollars by dismissing the scripture as an invention of religious people. Again, you should know that their so called evidence really is nothing more than poorly expressed failures of scholarship. The explanations given against the Bible take more faith than trusting the Bible as we have it. So concludes this section of my rant for the night.

Today was a day for another discovery for me. The connection is that it happened while I was reading through some passages prior to our church conference tonight. Now understand that in my theology the scripture is true. I believe in Genesis even though I also can see how various disciplines of science can validate it by analysis. I sometimes want to laugh over the latest breakthrough in archaeology that verifies a biblical account. The historical setting of the Bible is always a fascinating study for me. God's word always seems to explain itself given enough time or study. I recognize that some parts of our Bible can seem hard to grasp. My money is still on scripture every time. It speaks to me to my mind along with my heart. Where did I turn during the time of my diagnosis? It was the Bible where I went to find direction. All of this is to say that my faith is in God's word.

Yet there are occasions like today when my reading leaves me with some tension. It was while reading John 17 that my mind began to ask questions of my heart. This is the section where Jesus speaks and then prays for the unity of His followers. Words are directed both to the followers who audibly heard those words along with those who would follow through the years. God knows that this passage is one covered more than a few times in my ministry. But today I really wondered if this unity is possible in our lifetime. Some of my questions are the result of reading various blogs related to Baptist life. My thought is that Jesus could be quoted as saying that wherever two or more Baptists are gathered together there will be a fight. Some of my questions arise out of my own experience of being a minister. To see a truly united group of people would be a miracle on par of the Red Sea at the least. I wonder if we enjoy our fussing and fighting more than we do much else in church life.

Here is the really sad part of all of this. There will be no answers to this conundrum given in this post. So far no sermon in my arsenal seems sufficient to bring about unity. There doesn't seem to be any small group exercise entertaining enough to yield a new sense of community. That does not mean that some won't try to lessen the ideals of the words of Jesus. You may find select groups who agree on a single doctrine or a collection of a select few beliefs. Problems arise when they attempt to branch out into discussion on other ideas. This is when the group has to divide yet again into a smaller size. One thing is true from my experience. When or if God graciously moves in a fresh way is the time unity becomes the closest to a reality. Revival usually is not the sound of some ecstatic utterance but the willingness to say "I'm sorry." To me, that is why unity is hard to attain. Think about it.

Bro. Trey

Writing this blog is difficult lately. What little mind that I have is distracted by the baseball playoffs. Our television is locked into every game that the Texas Rangers are playing now. When I am away from the televised game then my computer is set to keep up as close as possible. My favorite daughter's favorite team is closing in on a huge upset. This is not to say any game is easy. But if the Rangers were to beat any team in the playoffs just be sure my vote will always be to defeat the Yankees. We may just get to use those World Series tickets after all. Nothing is final until it is final but we will watch with fingers crossed.

Hard to imagine that the holiday season is moving up fast on us. Perhaps I mentioned that my youngest is really into Halloween. We love going to the Halloween stores to see all the lights and decorations that are available. I think we are both a little sad that the stores close right after the big day. Even the employees know my youngest by sight now. We started our trips right around Labor Day and missed only one weekend of going. Last week we rewarded our store by purchasing him a costume for this season. He opted for a Mario outfit from the video game. There is no telling just how many of those games that he owns now. I found the costume for him on one of our first trips to the store. It was last Saturday when he finally got to take one home.

You would need to understand that patience is not his best quality. He may understand the idea of the word "wait" but that does not mean he practices it. He opened the package with his Mario garb as soon as we got back in the truck. Every piece was studied for its authenticity to the original image from the video game. I knew that when he walked in the door of the house that he would go try it on for fitting. This is no just look at it but every part of the costume had to be worn. He looked at himself in the mirror for quite awhile. He even went out into the front yard for some reason to display his attire. His sister got some photographs of him to send to family and friends. My son was quite proud of himself and how he looked. Finally the time came to take off the outfit. He came and found me where I was resting after our excursion. Then he announced that he was no longer Mario but just plain old him. I said that plain old him was pretty great which brought a smile before he went off to his room.

That really is the truth of that experience. Even without a disguise he is a very great kid. Isn't that how it works for all of us? God makes us pretty great people just because that is how He operates. We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made." Then if we really blow it we can find the amazing forgiveness to renew our life. Sadly we can settle for disguises or hiding behind masks to cover up our faults. There is no way for me to hide the effects of chemo on my body. No mask exists that could disguise that. We really cannot hide the impact of sin or other perceived issues in our life. The only way to attain healing is to lay it before God who already knows what we are like. Hiding did not work in the Garden of Eden and it does not work today. God's grace comes to us to heal our hurts or failures. Dressing up is fun for Halloween but let's remember that forgiveness lasts for eternity.

Bro. Trey

My mind is fairly blank tonight. If only this was something that happens on rare occasions. It is sad but true that a blank mind is not so uncommon for me. I am not sure if it is due to a lack of ideas. Sometimes it seems like there are other issues at work. You may have people in your life who seemingly want you to think about stuff that really isn't important. I realize that to the other person it may appear essential. But when you step back to really think about it you will find out they are majoring on the minors. I will admit to being out of touch at times. I still wonder how people can be so driven by the minuscule. None of the above really helps me with a blank mind. Yet we will trudge on here.

Today was the pet scan for me. Luckily the appointment was an early morning one rather than in the afternoon. My fasting for the test did not have to stretch into the afternoon. I can only guess what the scan will show. Those results will come to me next Monday. Most of my day after the procedure was devoted to the usual house stuff. The pile of laundry ended up being pretty tall this weekend. We can report success in tackling the dirty clothes. I still have a pile or two waiting for tomorrow. Sure seems like I can hear the remaining clothes laughing at me. The day ended with watching our Texas Rangers win another playoff game. If they can win two more games then we may get to see a World Series game. You would have to think the sports writers are glad to have baseball to write about since the Cowboys are imploding.

There was one odd moment today that speaks volumes to our human condition. My daughter was sending a card the old fashioned way today. It wasn't an electronic card over the computer. There was no "app" for her to use on the cell phone. This is a plain old paper card that requires a stamp. Usually it is me who needs lots of help with our current technology. My computer skills are a bit like a woodpecker. It's called pointing and pecking for the right keys. I had to help her address this card which was a very odd moment. It appears that we are reaching the point where the methods of the past are lost on a new generation. Young people today may be able to use all the gizmos that are out there but they may not know how to handle simple tasks. This is not meant to be or to sound mean. All this shows me is how things really are changing far more rapidly than we admit.

Being creative does not always mean doing something brand new. We don't always have to reinvent the wheel. What we do today really has not changed much from the past. It is the how we do things that define the differences. The teenager who is texting on their phone is still sending notes or messages much as we did through letters years ago. I still remember watching old home movies with a projector. Today we can take video even with our phones so we can post them to "You Tube." I grew up with instant cameras such as the Polaroid. Now we snap a photograph but we connect it to our computers with flash drives. Superman would be hard pressed to find a phone booth in which to change clothes. He can at least have his cell phone close while doing his errands.

Churches spend a great deal of energy aiming for creative solutions. Maybe we forget what we are doing while focusing on the how. Nothing will ever replace the basics of spiritual growth. We can put all the bells and whistles on how we do what we do but we can't lose sight of what we are about. The church needs to remain old school while finding new expressions for faith. May we not just look different by our creativity but may we be different from our commitment to God.

Bro. Trey

Tomorrow is another big day in the journey. My next scan is scheduled for in the morning. Let's hope this one goes as well as the first one. The initial scan showed no evidence of disease. I can only hope that the extra three rounds of treatment eliminated even more of the lymphoma. My congregation is probably weary of my illness. They didn't ask for this to happen to me. Getting some measure of resolution to this will be good. It may be that there will be more treatment needed of a different type than the chemo. Perhaps the test will reveal that the medicine so far worked to the point we can just move along. Right now there are no expectations from me. I know that I did my part. The rest of the journey is up to God. He is the only one who knows how many days are left. I am comfortable with that knowledge.

On a side note, there are signs of hair growing back. It is still very early for this to happen at a serious level. Most people take six weeks for the usual hair growing experience. My family is very kind to tell me they see hair. Either they are very blind or they are being very nice. But I can report some facial scruffiness. It's been a few months since those words could be said. Right now that hair appears to be a very light color. Maybe it is a sign that I will have white hair prior to my next birthday. The main thing is that it is nice to see some normalcy returning. I am still walking so the weight gain from steroids will increase. There is some jogging involved but my pace is so slow that it feels much like trotting. Goal number one is to get rid of the added fifteen pounds or so. I will weigh tomorrow at the doctor to see how this is progressing.

Life will be different no matter the results of the test. For one thing, this series of treatments took a lot out of my body. There is no telling what damage is done by the attempt to cure this. I also know there is a limit to the number of days we are given. Now this is a small issue compared to the length of eternity. Hopefully, we will be able to report a complete remission. But I also know that there are times that just isn't possible. My mind and heart are becoming more open to whatever happens. God's goodness is not limited to a diagnosis or prognosis. We can depend on His faithfulness beyond our tendency to fall short. Each day is another new test on how we really believe in His grace. God is always prepared but are we?

Bro. Trey

Controversy is not something that I enjoy. My tendency is to find a middle ground for agreement on issues that are troubling. Sometimes it seems like people enjoy controversy just for the sake of having an argument. We have enough troubles in our world without having to stir up new ones. But tonight I am going to wade out into troubled waters for a few minutes. Understand that what follows is my opinion alone. It will pretty much take on my personality but my hope is you will understand what is said without trying to read more into it.

Make no mistake about one fact. Scripture declares homosexual behavior as wrong, imperfect, and sin. This is true in the Old Testament as well as the New Testament. You do not need to apologize for the biblical teaching on the matter. Some well meaning believers attempt to soften this idea by suggesting all manner of cultural issues that may undo what the Bible says. Honest interpreters know that just simply is not possible. I know that there are families who face the painful reality of someone they love being gay. This must be among the most difficult of burdens for good Christian people to bear. But no matter how much some may wish to explain the truth away it remains as valid today as it was when first given.

But what does trouble me is the recent amount of news of bullying that results in a teenager taking their own life. Kids in their early teens are ending lives before they get the opportunity to find divine hope. To me this is a tragedy that should be stopped. I guess my mind wanders to grasp what Jesus might do in a similar situation. Would our savior be one who is critical or even ugly to those in this particular sin? I know that Jesus had moments where His words were straight to the point. But it also seems valid that His words to sinners of all kinds were firm yet they offered grace to those with real needs.

We believers tend to use grace as a crutch when it fits our opinions. Far too often we move from the gift of grace to a critical attitude when something goes against our personal values. Do not think that this post is suggesting we stop defending God's word when it is used wrong. And do not imagine that this means we have to be soft or apologetic about the truth. What I am saying is that God's people do not need to join in bullying others for whatever lifestyle we find offensive. There is indeed a way to extend authentic grace to sinners without giving up our beliefs. We do not need to settle for debates with sinners. We can and should move to speaking the truth in love to all in need of forgiveness. Teenagers should not have to die at their own hands because of us. I know that the bullies in these situations may not be remotely Christian. They may just be sinners of another ugly sort. Still, no young person struggling with those strange feelings needs to end up dead.

Is homosexuality sin? Of course it is outside God's will so that makes it sin. But let us who believe in the truth also model the behavior of Jesus. That is true for whatever form or lifestyle that defines a sinner. My biblical beliefs are not open to negotiation. However my hope is we can help stop the recent epidemic of teen suicides so they can find new life in Jesus.

Bro. Trey

Today is the day that I yielded to temptation. Last night my email opened up to an invitation to purchase World Series tickets three days before the public. I don't know how that happened but it did. Now the choice became whether or not to pull the trigger on the offer. The tickets are for the games should the Texas Rangers make it that far. This afternoon I became the proud owner of two tickets to game five of the World Series. Don't think that my bank account is so flush that it was easy. I am not broke but perhaps a tad bent. For some reason doctors keep sending me bills on top of my usual responsibilities. Insurance is helping more than one could ask. But this was too great an offer to let go by. So should the Rangers make it to game five of the series my daughter and I will be there on the second level ready to cheer for them. If they fall short then there is a full refund coming my way. But the tickets are already printed in our possession so we have that keepsake no matter what.

Allow me yet again to weave our love of the game into the blog. We both love everything about the game of baseball. You know this by now. You know that this is one of the many things that bonds us together. We also share our love of going to games with her brother. My autistic son just enjoys himself beyond words when we take him with us. I am far past grateful for this connection. She and I keep up with the sport even during its offseason. Our computers are regular visitor to baseball websites. Our television stays on the baseball channel quite a bit even during winter. Maybe we are a bit fanatical but we don't mind. We are just devoted fans.

We still have to wait a few weeks to see if this all happens. It kinda reminds me of how we approach the second coming. Believers talk about some day in the future when all will be put right by God's action. Our "tickets" are already given through our faith in Jesus. But unlike the World Series we do not know the exact date of His arrival. You will never hear me speculate much if any on the timing of the second coming. My heart is very content to let God do it however He chooses. For too often prophetic preaching is based more on the news than the biblical material. This is why the people who do it that way always have to revise their theories every few years. People tend to love speculation about His return more than they take serious the biblical teaching to be ready. This is one of my pet peeves in church life.

Imagine if the day for game five arrives and we just sit at home rather than make the drive. It seems to be a little strange to behave that way. Wouldn't it make more sense to gather what we need then actually enjoy the ballgame? We are told repeatedly that no one on planet earth know or will ever know the time of the second coming. Yet we just keep getting wound up when a prophetic teacher claims to have new insight into the divine calendar. Ever wonder if some of these new teaching are related to selling more books than being inspiring? I know that sounds caustic but it is a part of how I see this.

The return of our Lord is to be a reason for anticipation with joy in Him. Jesus tells us to be ready by fulfilling our purpose here on earth. You don't need dates in order to do that. You do need to share a bond with Him. Maybe this is what is missing in our life. We would rather get the date right than actually join God in our journey here. I want to go to that game with my daughter and not a stranger. Don't let the One who is coming be a stranger when He arrives.

Bro. Trey

My apologies for missing out on the blog yesterday. Writing was interrupted by parenthood along with baseball. My son and I enjoyed a night of just us guys doing guy stuff. We stayed at home so there was time for laundry, cooking along with parental duties. Then it was time for baseball. My favorite daughter's favorite team was playing to see who would advance in the playoffs. Luckily there was occasion for celebration as our ball club moves on to the next round. This set of games will determine who goes to the World Series. I got a notice this evening that my name was chosen to buy World Series tickets early before the general public. Some of tonight is being spent looking at the calendar should I yield to temptation. My preference would be to order them online to print. How cool to have a set of tickets for the fall classic to keep for posterity?

I can imagine that you grow weary of reading about my zeal for baseball. Chances are that it is like my fatigue over writing about my illness. Maybe someday we can both be happy by moving on to other topics. I have no delusions of grandeur about the material here. This is not a blog that will change the world as we know it. I will be happy just making a good point every so often. The skills needed for writing a better blog are something that I desire. Repetitive phrases or recycling material are both things for me to avoid. At least there is time to learn then develop in each area.

To me it just seems amazing to share my love of the game with my daughter. The same is true on the times that I spend with my son. Sure it is good to have friends that are part of your life but it just seems more significant when it is family like this. This is one of the main sources of my desire to live healthy. I have no interest in missing out on however many more moments that may come along. Granted that some of this is out of my hands. But until that day arrives, my desire is to accumulate as many memories as I can.

Let me keep this short and sweet tonight. I hope you never miss the opportunity to share life with others. We spend time with others but we can miss what is going on around us. To be a human being is a miracle all its own. Adding our connection with God just expands that wonder. I would guess that someone wants to share part of your world with you. My hope is that you would enjoy your moments as much as I do mine.

Bro. Trey

Every day gets me closer to life without all of the medicine that was a large part of the last few months. It takes awhile for the various poisons to completely get out of your system. Side effects will be present until that time arrives. Odds are that the chemo is pretty much flushed out by now. Seventy two hours or so passed since my last steroid. That should also be moving on out during the next day or so. Sometimes just the thought of all the stuff my body absorbed during this journey is enough to make you feel sick. It honestly turns my stomach on occasion when remembering the physical abuse of the last months. God was and is gracious in aiding my recovery experience. I don't know how to compare this but it sure feels like my system remained fairly able to adjust. Have no doubt but that my honest gratitude goes to God for this.

Now the recovery from the recovery can get underway. We are starting that process this week. Today was a fast trip to the clinic through the storms for lab work. It went against my better judgement but I did step onto the scales. Prior to diagnosis my usual weight remained around 215 give or take a few either way. Today the scales registered a full 230 pounds. Much of that is steroid related along with the side effect of eating more than usual. My daughter had someone take a photograph of the two of us at the ballgame on Saturday. Looked to me as if I might weigh 250 pounds or more. One of my first adjustments will be to get serious about diet and exercise. Much of my motivation is financial rather than vanity. I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe. So my goal is to return to the clothes from a lighter weight.

My daughter and a few others are telling me that the hair is returning. They are being so nice to the old and bald guy. The usual answer as to hair returning is six weeks. But my hair never did totally disappear. Wonder if the miracle grow stuff for yards will work on hair? My patience is doing fairly well on waiting on hair. Odds are good that I will sometimes miss how easy it is to get ready in the mornings now. It may be awhile before anyone confuses me with Samson. I am again just grateful for how long it hung in before giving way to the chemicals. All there is to do now is wait and see what type of hair returns. Who knows? I may end up a blonde.

One last update on the health for this evening. About three weeks ago my doctor had me undergo a Cat Scan. Those results came back negative. Medical experts refer to this as "no evidence of disease." Next week will be another scan that is even more revealing. So today I asked my nurse about what to expect. If the first scan went well would it be a good sign for the next one? No professional can say anything with 100% guarantees. But it seems the usual consensus is that we can hope for results just as promising. My heart still longs for total remission by medicine or miracle. Combining those two ideas is acceptable to me. Normal may be more difficult to embrace than before but I sure will try. No matter what I am just grateful for every miracle both small and large. The road is harder than I could imagine. But the blessings are far more than I could ever deserve.

Bro. Trey

Trying to consistently come up with catchy ideas for the blog can be hard. The writer in me knows that the opening should capture your attention. Me as a person does not always find that idea from the start. Now matter what, this was a good weekend. I feel worn out by all of the activity but that is fine by me. The steroids are beginning to run their course so my blood counts are probably low. Just that alone adds to the fatigue. Getting through yesterday with the travel and excitement doubles the normal stress on my system. I asked God for enough energy to enjoy my day with my daughter. He did answer my request for which I am grateful.

We left yesterday morning to drive to Arlington for the baseball game. Our favorite team played their first home playoff game in over ten years on Saturday. Our seats were high above home plate but close enough to feel part of the action. We made the drive just fine with no unexpected distress. Parking and getting to the stadium would be another story. Two college football teams decided to play an hour or so prior to the baseball game. Cowboys stadium was surrounded with the rabid fans of these programs. The two facilities are within walking distance of one another. Estimates suggest as many as 100,000 people and more congested in this area of Arlington. We tried to keep a low profile while striding along to our destination. Eventually she and I made it into the stadium ready to start our day.

The game itself was a total sell out. Over 50,000 people were in our park alone. At times it appeared that they were all surrounding us while we tried to move along. Just being there was an amazing experience by itself. Everything seemed brighter or larger than usual for a baseball game. I can report that it was indeed louder. Even though our team lost we still had a good time just being at that event. It is the type of day that I will remember forever. My day was complete just spending time with my favorite daughter. I told her that the trip was the most important thing on my calendar this weekend. This is not to undersell what we do on Sunday in worship. But after my summer there was no doubt that being with her meant more to me than anything else.

We got through today with church. Tomorrow might be a good day to speculate more on that. Just know that I am grateful to God for seeing me through the day. My knees ache from the sitting and then the walking yesterday. My back hurts from being all folded up in my seat during the game. The rest of me feels just a bit better than your average train wreck. Tomorrow is more bloodwork at the clinic. Yet all is right in my world after yesterday. She is my favorite daughter and that was my favorite day of the last few months. I'm happy with that.

Bro. Trey

Celebration is in the air. Seems like people get in better moods when there is at least a hint of fall. Locally we are partying over our high school football team that remains undefeated after tonight. Appears that we going on a long playoff run again. Celebrating for me means the end of steroids today. No sin ever tempted me as much as the desire to skip that part of the regimen. But now the chemo and the steroids are behind me so all should be uphill. Right now our building is filled with students just celebrating whatever hits them at the moment. You cannot beat the sound of kids wound up for one reason or the other. Tomorrow we hope to see our favorite baseball team celebrate one more win during the playoffs. Both my daughter and I are very excited to be making the trip. Neither one of us ever attended a playoff game before so this should be great.

One of the early things God talked to me about during diagnosis was this area of being happy when things go well. Those that know me say that my feelings remain on an even keel most of the time. They would be correct in that assessment. Much of that reserved nature is born of self discipline. I do not say this to be a good thing. In many ways it is a drawback to being fully developed as a human being. Let's be honest about it. My tendency to be withdrawn grew out of a desire to stay safe or isolated from hurt. When you add this to an already shy personality it cannot end well. Even today there was time for God to talk to me about this ability to celebrate His goodness. At least He isn't giving up on me just yet.

Now this does not mean that we should be just all bubbly at all times. You may know people that leave no room for the serious thought of life. Bill Cosby once said that if being emotional and sentimental were marks of spiritual maturity then Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart were more mature than most. Balance is yet again the key to life in all that we do. I may need the ongoing lessons to let my emotions loose. Some may need to grasp the fact that not everyone is going to feel happy constantly. It's about more than our personality when it comes to this. We learn to adjust to God's presence while we go through this journey.

It may well be that I get to celebrate my illness being gone. This disease may end up being controlled by my own body. But if that does not happen then there will still be reasons to rejoice. We cannot limit our emotions to just getting what we want. Our emotional stability is related to our connection to God. There may be days when His word is hard to grasp. Sometimes you may hear God being very pointed to you. It may be a day for repentance with tears. But when the good stuff happens you should feel free to express your feelings. You do not feel the need to share those as others may do. Just be yourself and that will be more than enough.

Bro. Trey

You would think that by now I would have this whole taking care of myself thing down. One thing you learn very early is that no two rounds of treatment are the same. Each time you have the poison sent into your system is different than any other. Sometimes my body holds up pretty well during the first week. There are a few occasions when the chemicals get the best of me. I would have to say that every approach to take is something tried over the last few months. Watching what you eat is important. You really do not want to try the chili burger during the first few days. Exercise plays a role in how you recover. I am grateful that my routine allows for me to move around some. It usually gets better after the first ten days. That is how long it takes for all of the medicine to leave me. I am more accepting of rest while moving through this. My blood cells of all colors need time to recuperate. A nap is an act of necessity on occasion. All of this together seems to be a huge help in speeding up recovery.

Most of life is both/and not either/or. Human nature tends to focus on select favorites while neglecting balance. For example, some people try to lose weight by diet only. They forget to exercise. Some people start in on a vigorous exercise program without watching what they eat. This usually does not end well either. Or, some believers view life only through their gifts or interests while forgetting God wires us all individually. This also leads to issues when we are struck with our own self importance. You might be surprised how often conflict develops from good people having a bad perspective even with the things of God. Churches as well as people can end up with a lack of balance which is far more harmful than healthy.

One of my pet peeves is how we elevate bible study over prayer. This may not be our intent but it does happen. What we forget is this is two sides of the same coin. It's a bit like breathing. Just to breathe in is not enough should we forget to breathe out. What we learn in bible study is for much more than accumulating information. God talks to us so we will learn to talk to Him. Be sure you read this carefully. It is not that one is more important than the other. My point is both are crucial to a healthy spiritual life. Head knowledge is no replacement for a heart that is open in praying. It all balances out in the end.

Maybe there is something safe about bible study. You can sit, listen, or even take notes without having to put stuff into practice. Praying is hard. It requires us to care about others as we do the work of intercession. This is far more than reciting familiar words but it moves us into a conversation with God. We have to put more of our self out there to engage God to make a difference. Our mid week group meets together to go over prayer concerns at a level beyond the usual behavior. There is more to our praying than just calling out names on a list. My goal is to help us stay current on what is going on in the lives of others. Does this mean that deep study is irrelevant? All of what we do as a believer comes to bear in how we pray. Here is where the proverbial rubber meets the road. This is where what we know mixes with how we care.

Anyone who knows or listens to me should be convinced of my belief in God's word. Even when it is difficult to understand you can always find truth. Reality is that the best way for that truth to set you free is combining it with praying. If we cannot balance our study with our prayer then we have little hope of seeing it come alive in our daily experience. What we pray for tells a lot about who we are as believers. How we pray tells us about our comfort level with God. Who we are when we pray is about as good as we get in our spiritual journey. Let's try putting all of this together to fully realize all God desires for us.

Bro. Trey

Last night I got tickets ordered for the Texas Rangers playoff game on Saturday. It will be my daughter and I making the trek to Arlington. This is my first game of the year to go watch. Normally we make several trips during the regular season including opening day if at all possible. Chemo issues along with the heat kept me from making it to the ballpark this year. The team is in the playoffs for the first time in eleven years. Maybe they will have a better fate than in their three previous series. If you ever read this blog on a regular occasion then you know this is one of the important things for me to do with her. Not many eighteen year old girls will go with dad across the street much less to a ballgame. You can probably blame me for this.

I really do not know when she caught the bug for baseball. Most of my life is a running love affair with the game. You know that my athletic prowess is small compared to many other people. But you should know that I loved playing baseball. Robert Redford says in the movie The Natural that he loves this game. So do we. Nothing is better than the smell of popcorn or hot dogs while sitting in your seats. Life does not get much better than making a play with your glove or bat. I still have my last baseball glove from high school. On some occasions it still finds its way onto my left hand when the mood hits me. I do not know why baseball captured my heart way back in 1968 but it did. That was the year of discovery for me. My mind recalls getting home from school in October in time to watch the World Series. That was the year Bob Gibson almost won the championship for the St. Louis Cardinals all by himself. It was the year the game made a home with me.

At some point in her pilgrimage I began to share my passion for baseball with my daughter. No doubt it was probably not quite as exciting for her as for me. But she eventually caught on to the point her love of the game equals mine. I remember late at night watching a game and explaining things to her. Today she knows as many of the statistics for our team than most fans. We are very fortunate to share a relationship with the Rangers radio announcer. He even sent her some career advice earlier this summer. Tonight we sent him a note congratulating him on being a finalist for the Hall of Fame. He responded as always with gratitude. This is just another aspect of our bond over this game.

Things will change when she leaves for college next August. But like the movie said, "baseball is the one constant in American life." My youngest does not share the same interest in the game but he loves going to the Ballpark in Arlington. Dad will miss his usual Saturday with him but he is also looking forward to being a small part of history. Pray that God will allow me to feel better than the steroids tend to make me feel bad. It's an afternoon game so our arrival back home will not be too late. I am looking forward to this trip. Being a dad is high up on my list of things that matter. My hope is that my efforts will last for a long time. This is one of the reasons my desire is to get back into good health. My family makes me a better person. Maybe in some small way that feeling is reciprocal.

Bro. Trey

Today was my final day for chemotherapy. These six days are among the longest in my life. The session today took about five hours for all the medicine to go into me. Part of that time was spent taking a nap or two. Just like you my medical nap was interrupted by a nurse waking me up for another bag. But you should also know that I stopped to thank each of those ladies when my day ended. It was another day for them to work short handed. There were also more patients taking chemo that seemed very ill. I will always be grateful to them for their time and attention. Then I made my way back to the doctor area to express my gratitude to the ladies there. Many of my earliest questions were answered by the nurse who assists my doctor. Whatever money they make could never be enough for a job that must take a toll emotionally as well as every other way.

So where do we stand at the moment? I will go every Monday for the next three weeks for lab work along with a Pet Scan on my second visit. This is a fairly new procedure that will reveal even more than the Cat Scan. Fasting is involved but at least this time my scan will be in the morning. My last one was in the afternoon. Week three will be a visit to the doctor for the results of that scan. This is when decisions will be made on the next course of action. It is very possible that my disease will not show up yet again. If that happens then it is my lucky day to go through another bone marrow biopsy. My first one showed a small amount of sick cells there. If this regimen works as it appears to be doing then we may find that there is evidence enough to refer to my condition as being in remission.

My situation is a tad confusing. Unlike other people who have tumors removed along with treatment my disease takes a different road. Odds are good that not every single cell of my illness is gone. Medical experts refer to my path as being incurable but manageable. That does not mean that a cure may not be far away. Science is making huge strides in developing powerful new approaches to lymphoma. Also remember that more than a few athletes share this affliction but are performing at a high level in their sport. One friend is going on twelve years now without needing to repeat any form of medical treatment. Does this mean that my heart is giving up on a miracle? Being declared "no evidence of disease" after only three rounds is proof that God still does amazing things. While it is true that no one can predict the future my hope is still for a long, full life. Remission is well within my reach at this point. But now is not the time to slow down on praying for this to happen.

My emotions are pretty calm at the moment. As much as today is worth celebrating I just don't want to slide into gloating. There are so many people who are fighting this good fight for me to be complacent about my small part to play. I did celebrate by going to eat my favorite meal of shrimp and oysters. Always a good idea to do that before the steroids foul up my taste buds. Then I went to buy my son a video game he wanted. Dad always is a hero when he does that. My last task of the day is to purchase baseball playoff tickets for Saturday. My favorite daughter's favorite team will be playing for a chance to go to the World Series. Those tickets will be expensive but worth it. Smiles and hugs from my children make any day easier to bear. That is reward enough for me.

Bro. Trey

A funny thing happened on the way to church today. I didn't wear my hat in public. This may be the first time since the hair gave out that it wasn't on top of my head. It's just a plain white golf hat but it is normally a constant when out and about. Not sure why today was the day to forsake it. I would imagine it has something to do with tomorrow being my last day for chemo. Maybe it was some small act of rebellion on my part. This would not surprise me at all even though it did not cross my mind. Just felt like a good day to rage against the system or at least against the covered head.

You would think that I would wear one constantly after yesterday. It was picture day for a new directory here. Let me interject here that my youngest did an awesome job having his photo made. Dad got his tie ready for him so that we somewhat match. His pictures should be great. Mine will keep any animal out of any garden around here. It is time for yet another confession during this journey. I absolutely hate my appearance now. If anyone stumbles across this blog you should know that my hair left me back in July or early August. The chemo finally won. Part of that confession includes how my feelings on my appearance also affects my self image. You would think that someone approaching fifty years of age would be past such nonsense. Whenever I look in a mirror or like yesterday in a photography it makes me wonder who that is in the reflection. Yes, hair loss is a small price to pay in return for my healthy prognosis. But I have to admit that it really bugs me.

We do tend to get bent out of shape over small things in life. My theory is that is is somehow woven into our human nature. We can overlook greater blessings at the expense of small troubles. Our typical desire is for life to be perfect but for that perfection to measure up to our expectation. No wonder we can feel let down on a regular basis. One of the other results is how we settle for the tiny blessings from God without allowing His full benefit to become a reality. This is one of the initial lessons for me during the summer months. There was a growing awareness that what we usually receive from God is only a small amount of what He wishes to do. Do you ever wonder why that is?

Perhaps we settle for less than the best from fear of what God's greatness might do to our carefully constructed world? There are more than a few people who are as regular as rain in church services who want God to bless their best efforts. That doesn't sound too bad until you take into account a lack of openness to God's will for life. These folks are not really bad people but neither do they experience the divine best. Some people are afraid that God will ask them to do things they simply do not want to do. Ours is a generation where even the religious world is all about someone doing it for them. We have just enough of God to keep us looking good. We may not have enough of Him to actually make a difference in our world.

We are studying the book of Joel on Sunday nights here. I may be the only one enjoying this material but hopefully not. God promises in this book to pour out blessings far beyond what the people can imagine. He also reassures them of His desire to be alive in their midst. Maybe it's just me but that sounds like a good deal. God says that what He will do in response to the open heart of the people will amaze those who may be observing. Far too often those who observe today may be amazed at how little we actually let God do. One can only hope that we will learn to let God be God in all of His goodness. At least that is the way I see it.

Bro. Trey