One of the things about trying to keep up this blog is how much it challenges me on creativity. You read the blogs of others and their words just seem to flow across the screen. This just isn't so with my writing attempts. It may surprise you how often I go back to see words or phrases used repeatedly. I would like to think that my efforts at grammar would pay off. But there are still more occasions than will be admitted where even that falls short. I do still enjoy trying to write. Part of me wanted to explore journalism in my younger years. Some people mention to me that perhaps my labors could lead to a book. Somehow I do not think that is in the future. My goal is to occasionally get a point across without being too elemental with the blog.

Real writers have that mixture of gift along with a relentless work ethic. Their gifts at putting words together escapes me. Most of my writing remains in the just not giving up area. My opinion is we really do not live in the best time for writing. You go to a bookstore and it seems like everyone is getting a book published. I mentioned somewhere on here in the past how people like our founding fathers wrote volumes just in correspondence. Almost all of our early presidents spent the majority of their time at a writing desk. The age of email and texting will never equal the majesty of the thoughts or words of people in years gone by. Today's writing is very good but it just lacks that eloquence we see in the works of those from history.

We will not try to reinvent the wheel here. My goal will be to just keep writing because it is something to enjoy. It is on occasion a creative outlet for me. Not everyone is wired to be a writer. Allow me to let you in on a little secret. We are all gifted in different ways. God makes us all to be individuals. He doesn't even compare us to one another. It is good enough for you to be the best you possible. One of the greatest weapons in God's arsenal is you or I just being us. We miss the amazing outcomes of doing that when we sit and do nothing. God's life is meant to be lived out affecting others in a positive fashion. I still think the first place that happens is in the local congregation. Each individual church is a laboratory for the divine purpose to be discovered. It is still the place where God seems to do His best work through people.

I had lunch today with my father and brother. God only knows how many years passed since that happened. To say we are all very different is the understatement of the year. My father is a doctor. My brother works doing a variety of manual jobs. You know what I do. But if we are all being who God desires then all differences melt away. That is the mystery of God's grace. Not everyone can be a doctor or writer. Not everyone can use the tools of the trade so things work better. God sees to it that all of us can do something. Are you doing your part?

Bro. Trey

It was my privilege to travel with our high school band a year or so ago to Washington DC. I was one of a few sponsors for their journey to play a few songs during that Memorial Day weekend. We did not travel by airplane but at least we did not have to go on a school bus. A chartered bus took us to and from our nation's capital. We also got to do some sight seeing along the way. One of the places we went was to Mount Vernon. Our first president sure did pick out a great place to build his home. A group of us walked all over the estate looking at different aspects of his home. George Washington was a man ahead of his time. He laid out his land for different uses from farming to ranching. This stop is still one of my personal highlights of our trip.

One of the fascinating things to see are slave houses there among the buildings. You can still observe how his servants were housed. We do not have such a great track record on slavery in our country. Basic facts of history do not begin to spell out how problematic the reality of slavery was for us. It would take almost a hundred years for emancipation to arrive for an entire collection of people. Reality is that it took almost two hundred years before laws would be enacted to establish the rights of all under our constitution. Today we still find people with real emotional reactions to the idea of slavery. It seems to be a word that cuts us at our core.

There isn't anyone who really likes being told what to do. The youngest of children will show defiance at the simplest of suggestions. Teenagers surely do not like being told what to do. Maybe the best idea with them is to tell them to do one thing with hopes they will do another. We don't like being told what to do at work. It does not matter the nature of our job as we always seem to know better than the person above us. Our list could go on endlessly but you get the picture. I think there is something in human nature that immediately moves into rebellion at the very idea of our taking orders from another. My thinking is it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Our first two human beings just had to rebel against one single command of God. It was just too much for them to resist.

We talked yesterday about the idea that we are servants of God. The root word is really more like being a slave than a servant. Paul writes that we are freed from sin so we can move into a new way of living. He also says that our behavior is the public display on where our heart resides. Why do we need to be slaves in this way? One truth is that our decisions to obey God will lessen that tug of carnality we feel. Saying yes to God allows us freedom from those selfish desires we all have. Another thing it does is to shape our character. The more you can say yes to God will go a long way in making you His person. Sometimes we just hide our narcissistic behavior with excuses. We refuse to take blame for the damage we do in life. It is far easier to point fingers at others than to own up to our personal defects. All of this can defined with a single word. Sin.

Our captor is not some slave owner who is motivated by profit. The main culprit in our slavery to sin is the person you see in a mirror. We want to do what we want to do just because we can. God's word is designed to illuminate our faults or failings so we can mature. There is more to the problem of sin than just getting caught. You have to realize the effect it has on character. This is much more than being religious or going to church. Battles like this are raw with conflict involved from the start. You can choose to obey God but do not expect it to always be easy. You will have all of God's resources offered to you. This still does not guarantee that it will be a simple process. It does promise to be an eternal path that affects your life and the lives of others for the better.

Bro. Trey

My apologies for missing the last two days of blogging. We are in the midst of heavy activity around here. Today is my daughter's birthday. I fear that she turns 18 today. It is amazing how so many of the memories from that hot day in Alexandria, Louisiana can come back so vividly. It honestly does seem like it was only yesterday that we were waiting on her arrival. The point is that with running errands along with the usual stuff of the day that we missed out on writing. Our goal will be to get back on track this week.

This is the first birthday she ever got to spend with her paternal grandfather. He drove down from Minnesota to visit friends and relatives around the area. We all were in church which was fun. My girl sang on a duet for worship which is a double treat. I will not begin to suggest how the message turned out. I learned a long time ago that my opinion can vary greatly from those forced to listen. I do know that my body is still weary today. My guess is that it is from the combination of the steroids plus the effect of chemo on the blood count. I basically feel good but there is just an awareness that the system is still recovering.

I could not begin to imagine my daughter hitting this milestone when she came into our world eighteen years ago. For me it was love at first sight. There are hours somewhere of VHS tape of her just sitting or laying there. To even think that she would someday be a young woman was not anywhere close on our radar. You really can almost just blink to find everything is changed. There were the parties throughout the years to celebrate a birthday. We had some good ones as she grew older. There are school memories that stay with me. It may want to blend together but there are very clear moments too.

We start our journey with no set measurement of how long we will be here. You survive the growing up years so you can move through being a young adult. People cross your paths that affect you in ways both positive and negative. Obstacles creep into the journey as test of how well you learn the lessons of life. The thing is that you don't get a time out just to regroup. The clock just continually counts as each day rolls around. Maybe this is why scripture reminds us that every day is a gift from God. Things may happen that give us pause but God just keeps seeing us through. We are reminded that the God who is there when life starts is the One who will see us all of the way to the end. He gives us reason to celebrate beyond what we may deserve. He offers us gifts that make us far better people because of their presence. She is my favorite daughter. She is my only daughter. This makes today a blessed day no matter what else may go on in our world.

Bro. Trey

Thank God for small acts of grace. Never miss the opportunity to recognize His goodness in any way that He displays. The last day or so here in our corner of Texas turned out far more pleasant than you could expect for late August. Lately the temperatures averaged well over 100 degrees daily. The question was not would there be a heat advisory but rather how hot would it register. This really is not uncommon for our corner of the world. Summer can last here into October on occasion. Yesterday an unusual cold front actually made it through the area to offer us a glimpse of fall. The change of weather really is a small miracle.

We are a long way from being through with summer. Odds are good that we will return to sultry weather by the weekend. Hurricane season is among us with two storms out in the Atlantic. There really is no need yet to go purchase long sleeve clothes regardless of what the stores set out for us. Just being outside today was at least a reminder that someday fall just may arrive for good. Most of my grass in the yard is plain old pasture grass. We wrote on this at least a few times prior. But there are two places where the grass is really good and green. Well, they were green places until the rain shut down a few weeks ago. This is the second year where my watering efforts seem to be enough to keep those areas alive. Most of the yard is dingy brown to white color. My mower still doesn't need to be started. You will not hear me complain.

I remember about twenty years ago or so there was a similar outbreak of cool weather very early for us. The reason for that memory was I went back and forth to North Louisiana to buy a new vehicle from a relative. The mornings were strangely cool during that weekend. Can't say that my mind has a real clear idea what car it was that came home with me. I do remember it being almost perfect late summer weather.

Anyway, the point is about recognizing small acts of grace. You may have them everyday yet be so wrapped up in stuff that you overlook them. Small acts of grace count just as much as big ones. Being in remission from cancer is pretty cool. But there are still moments that flow through life that can bring a smile to equal that. You can find it in the change of weather. You can hear it in the sounds of children. You can read about it within scripture. You can discover it listening to God's voice. Of course life still has its challenges. Right now is the middle of my steroid regimen. My mouth has a metallic bite to it. Today was a little harder day physically. Not sure if it is effects of treatment or the really hard workout yesterday. But there are still going to be acts of grace that come as a free gift of God.

There is truth to the idea of slowing down to smell the flowers or whatever that saying is. But for the believer there is so much more to this than flora or fauna. We can mix the heartache we feel when others struggle with the ongoing presence of God. We can hug a child which makes everything better. We can have small encounters with God as He intersects our life. We can just stand in a northern breeze that appeared much sooner than normal. Just remember that when you add up all these small acts of grace that you end up with a whole lot of God. That really is a good way to do the math.

Bro. Trey

Eighteen years ago I lived in Alexandria, Louisiana. We spent about four years there enjoying the culture and the food. I also tried to help rebuild a congregation that was suffering from a major decline in attendance. One person even asked me why I would go to a "dead church." This did little to lift my spirits. We had some success over that time. We added some wonderful people to the membership. There was a lot of trial and error in attempting new ministries. My hope is we did leave it in much better shape than on arrival. It was an interesting place to say the least. I met some amazing people. There were also some very different people who crossed my path. It was eighteen years ago today that Andrew came to visit us. That day will stay in my mind forever.

Andrew was not a human being. He was a hurricane. This is the one that skipped over Florida back into the gulf until it reached our state. Fortunately we were on the west side of him. The hardest rain and wind is always on the east side of a storm. It was still more than enough to make his presence known in very real ways. Our city was an evacuation point for those in the southern part of the state. People traveled up to sit out the storm in churches as well as our coliseum in town. Entire nursing homes were loaded up for the ride to Alexandria. Our Pentecostal church in town had at least a thousand people scattered around their facility. The coliseum was filled from top to bottom. My best guess is a few thousand people were there. This does not even begin to touch on the numbers in motels and such.

A small group of us gathered together that morning in order to see if there was anything we could be doing. We had contacts with the state Baptist office which was just down the road from us. I do not know how many meals we ended up making but it was on the level of multiplying the fish and bread. Part of the day was spent at the coliseum unloading grocery trucks of food and supplies. All of this was going on in the middle of the storm. Our church had a large kitchen along with a gym area. Other state Baptist disaster groups ended up staying the night before heading down to the hardest hit areas. This was my first up close experience with such a storm. All I know is our little group really came through in a big way that day.

This really stays with me in terms of understand ministry. No one was into their ego that day. We did not have time to devise all kinds of rules on how we would do what was needed. There was no vote on who would be in charge or who would get the credit. We just got busy trying with God's help to meet the needs on that rain soaked occasion. One other thing that stands out is how much fun we had just doing that. My belief is that God allowed us to do some things that were way past our ability. We did not really think much of it at the time but we did realize it later. It is amazing how much can be accomplished when you do not worry about credit or rules or the other stuff that hinders ministry. I would never hope for another hurricane to come along but I would surely love to see that type of ministry again.

Bro. Trey

This may be a short and to the point post tonight. My stomach decided to rumble a tad during the evening. My doctor prescribes some good nausea medicine which takes care of that. One drawback is that it may make me very sleepy very fast. One of my worries about this round is whether or not the treatment will affect me differently now that my disease is in remission. We will have to wait and see if this is a one time thing or not. You still will not hear me complain. If my memory serves me right then tonight is the closest to having the usual chemo side effects so far. This may be far more than you wanted to know but we do strive for honesty here.

I did some reading on remission earlier today. As usual, my mind is still working to understand all the variables involved. What I do know is that being in this condition after only three treatments is indeed a miracle. So many people share my illness without anywhere near the same success. Let me say thank you to whoever took up my cause by praying. Also let me ask you to at least keep me in pencil on your prayer list. Join me in asking God for a long and durable remission. I do feel like a new person going through all of this. One of my sincere desires was to not only get healthy but also to learn whatever God wanted to teach me. That part of the process continues on.

This summer is really a struggle for me. It feels like there are so many things that I missed out on the last few months. This is not meant to be whining but just a statement of fact. One upside to all of this is the time spent at home just being a dad. Long before our children were born I decided that this would be a priority for me should God bless us this way. This is not to say that my parental talent is anywhere near perfect. I just knew that any decision between being a dad or anything else was already determined. There is no amount of money you can give me that is worth all of my time with them. God blessed this dad with two fantastic kids. They still teach me things all of the time. My memories are my special treasures.

One reason that I prayed for remission is to be here as a dad as long as possible. Jobs may come and go but fatherhood is a lifelong commitment. One major reason for the social ills in our country is the lack of parental skills of men. One person can make a world of difference. Being a father makes everything possible. Let me close this rant by just saying my hope is every child could have a loving father. I know this is not realistic. But maybe we as the church could at the least display our loving Heavenly Father to those whose hearts are broken.

Bro. Trey

We finally are past the halfway point with chemo treatments. Round four took about seven hours from start to finish. Maybe it was less time than that but it sure felt like a full day. It never ceases to amaze me just how tired a person can get just sitting for that duration. For the first time of my therapy there were two short naps during the process. They changed up how they deliver the benadryl into my system so that did make a difference. I noticed more patients today who are obviously having a much bigger battle than my journey. Some day that could be me. That is a big reason for me not to gloat or celebrate too much. I am going to pray we do not return to this disease anytime soon. Like we said, no one can tell you how long any remission with lymphoma will last. Be sure that it will be enjoyed however long it lasts.

My curiosity was stirred while wondering how this round of treatment will go. We started this path with a very real disease actively affecting my body. Now that disease is no longer showing any signs of being there. No doubt that there are still lymphoma cells in my system somewhere. I do not yet understand all the science behind the illness or its treatment. Research says that those sick cells either go dormant or are killed off with the medicine. If there are less of those cells for the chemo to treat will that change how my body reacts over the next week or so? In other words, will it take out more of the healthy cells than it did before? Guess we will all find out together.

We all have things in our lives that are constants. They are just going to be part of our life regardless of age or circumstance. Some people have great family relationships with reunions and the like. For some it may be leisure activities like golf or outdoors stuff. There are even a few people still alive whose world revolves around the church. Each of these things become non negotiables for people. One of those for me will always be staying in touch with the oncology clinic whether for tests or perhaps years down the road another round of treatment. I guess my mind is finally accepting that fact. Even if this remission lasts more than a decade my regular pattern of life will still intersect with a clinic.

Baseball is one of many things that draws my daughter and I together. We watched an exciting game by our team. They almost made history but fell short. But they did win the game. My son and I just hit the roads when running errands. This brings a level of stress with him but to me it is worth it. All of us have constants in our life but do we have ones that make a positive difference? Constants should draw people together in good ways. It goes without saying that for the believer they should take on the quality of the eternal. Even if those times are difficult we can open up to God for His presence. It's when they take us away from God that they become a real problem. Maybe it is good to inventory the where and why of your world. See if your motive lies more in escape from stuff than to encounter with God. Be sure these things can bring you closer with others in a positive fashion. Let God into your activities. You may not get a lower golf score or catch more fish but you will be eternally better for it.

Bro. Trey

Tonight is about as emotional as it gets here. I dread this day just as much as I look forward to it. Every summer my intention is to do better. Every night before school starts finds me already missing my son and daughter. This is the twelfth year for me to feel this way. No doubt the strangeness of this summer adds to the emotions. Most people take vacations in summer to break up the monotony of life. My trips all revolved around treatment for cancer. The good thing is between my travels there was plenty of time spent with the kids. Guess I am weird but there never is enough time for that. They say time is precious. One thing this journey is teaching me is how true that really is.

Tomorrow my daughter begins her senior year of high school. No amount of time can prepare a person for that. Her first schooling was in a half day setting. We used to go on Fridays to the local restaurant to eat catfish before class started. There was the supposedly mean second grade teacher that my daughter wrapped around her little finger. We even survived the various science projects along the way. These were not my favorite when in school and they still aren't. I could swear we just started high school. Now we are at the edge of her last year. Soon it will be time for the empty nest for her. I don't think there are enough words to say just how proud her father is of the young woman she is becoming.

My youngest will technically be a high school freshman this year. He will still be in classes to meet his special needs of autism. He tells me that he will be in both middle school and high school. He also does not like to think of himself as "little." Guess no one can blame him since he is almost as big as me. We spend almost every day together during the summer. He and I hit the roads often to do our usual errands. My house will be oddly quiet during the day tomorrow. There is usually quite a racket of games or music going on when he is home. Please understand that the quiet will be welcome. But I will still miss the noise of him being around.

This turned out to be quite the summer. Tomorrow is round four of chemo. Summer refuses to let go of its grip in Texas. This is not the time of the year for the average temperature to be ten degrees above normal. At this point, if our highs were just mid 90s would be a cool spell. Maybe the summer crises are piling up on my emotions. God willing, we beat cancer for awhile. My daughter turns eighteen next Sunday. Dad's little man just keeps growing up. Time really does not stop no matter the situations of life.

Don't let life move along without you. It really is true that making each day count is a huge part of enjoying your days. There has to be something in each day that is worth some degree of celebration. I think part of maturity is finding real reasons to laugh even when all else seems to fall apart. Among my other thoughts is to stop to realize that no day goes without some gift from God. You really do have to learn how to recognize those gifts. Tomorrow my gifts will include having my son and daughter return home after their first day of classes. Another gift will be my time in treatment. My recent turn for the better gives me even more reason to pray for others who may be with me. This year will fly by way too fast. I want to capture the days to save them for future reference. It's who I am. I am a Dad.

Bro. Trey

This is proving to be the weekend of disbelief. My mind is still trying to wrap itself around the test results from Thursday. Chemo needed only three rounds to knock out the signs of cancer. Believe me, there are many people who go through far worse than three rounds without seeing these type of results. It is beyond my imagination why mine was much responsive to the therapy. Gloating still is not an option for me. My heart goes out to so many who face this same illness. Humility seems to me to be a given. My primary feeling is that of being humble because this response is due to God's grace. We said we would accept a healthy outcome by miracle or medicine. Perhaps this happened with a combination of the two.

Odds are that this may not be my last time to deal with lymphoma. It may be a short or a long time until it wants to appear again. Some patients go for years without having a relapse. There are others who face this disease on what seems to be a regular basis. No one can tell you if or how long it will be until a next time. No one can even tell you if there will be a next time. This is part of the nature of this illness. My hope is for that it stays away for a very long time. There are still three more round of chemo coming up for me. Round four starts on Monday. I can't say that this is a pleasant thought. But the goal is to drive any remaining amount of the lymphoma far away. It will be interesting to see how the regimen of medication affects me now as opposed to when the cancer was active. Maybe my recovery time will be smoother and stronger.

One can only hope that life will be far different now than it was before the diagnosis. Today I went back to review some of my thoughts as the process got underway. Guess my hope was the initial desperation will give way to continual dependence. Much did change over the last few weeks or months. Most of the change seems to be for the good. No doubt there are vast areas where room remains for improvement. My prayer is that there will be a constant openness to whatever God may wish to do. I cannot imagine where life would be were it not for this process of dealing with lymphoma. I just hope it remains that the last word each day comes from God and not the disease.

Bro. Trey

Seems like a good idea to write early tonight. Just got in from the doctor visit along with other errands. My youngest got his much needed haircut for school. The cat scan report came in today. There is no evidence of disease as of today. This is as close to being cured as lymphoma gets. Some people never come close to such a result after much worse therapy than mine. My doctor was very pleased. There will still be three more rounds of chemo to go. This is like insurance in killing any cells that may be lurking around. I guess this officially makes me a cancer survivor.

My disease is one that may or may not ever totally go away. It is not the same as getting rid of a tumor. Some people go many years without any sign of the lymphoma returning. Some people do not go nearly as long. Each person's cancer is their own. My journey with this illness is just beginning. There will always be scans or tests just around the corner. None of this is a bad thing it is just what it is. My hope is that by God's mercy we will not have to deal with it being active for a very long time.

Can't say that I know how to describe my emotions at the moment. There is indeed gratitude for today's news. To be clear after only three treatments is far more than one ever hoped for. I also know there will be others who do not see the same success given to me. Life will never be the same as it was before the diagnosis. We can talk more about that later but this much is true. A large part of me wants others to experience this gift of healing whether my medicine or miracle. My heart hurts seeing other patients in far more dire circumstances. Sometimes we just need life to nudge us a bit so we can develop a more tender heart.

I will not get hair back for awhile. We will see what three more rounds of treatment does to it. That does bug me still. You can indeed chalk that one up to pride. This device will remain in my chest a few more months also. Right now my thought is to have it removed whenever possible. There will always be the potential for this disease to resurface. That is something we will leave to another day. Tonight is a time to simply be grateful for God's goodness. It is not at all a bad place to be after the last few months.

Bro. Trey

Tomorrow may be a significant day for me. In some respects it may be one of the most important days of my life. Whether it is a good or bad day remains to be seen. Monday was the day for my Cat Scan. It is the first real medical test since my treatment got underway. Three rounds are behind me with the fourth scheduled for next Monday. Every week is a visit to the lab for blood work but most of that is counting the number of cells on that day. You do not want to have too few red or white cells as you go through this therapy. It is no guarantee that any results from the scan will be in tomorrow. My guess is there will be a report of some form or fashion. Whenever the results are in will be a measuring point of if or how well the treatment is working. Let's hope it says the toxic medicine is doing what it is supposed to do to my disease.

My guess is there will be plenty of nerves as the appointment time draws close. Right now there really are no butterflies in the stomach to notice. Lately my emotional state seems to be in the dull routine of doing my time with the treatment. That would be to be expected when you consider my usual personality. It is true that far too often my approach is laid back. There are not too many highs while moving through the day. One negative to this is the lows tend to out number the highs. I probably guard against being disappointed by doing this. This is not said as being a good thing. It surely is not a positive if developed over time and experience.

There is always the potential for tomorrow to be bad. My tendency however is to shut down any possibility of tomorrow actually going well. Maybe some of this is due to being in the middle part of this marathon. All signs point to the fact that the chemicals are working. Remember that the original growth behind my right ear disappeared immediately after the second round. My body feels much better during the week prior to chemo. The difference in energy is noticeable even if the weather is much too hot to enjoy it. I said that my doctor is optimistic about how things are going. The desire is there to believe her but it still seems hard to wrap my mind around that optimism.

Therein lies part of the problem. Do we become too adjusted to the negative that we lose sight of the positive? Reading the Psalms shows us a wide range of emotion. Sometimes the writer is dealing with some very large difficulties. On other occasions the words just overflow with gratitude for God's blessing. Both are equally valid. There is one constant in either types of emotional being. The believer is encouraged to trust God in good times and bad. We are to see Him as our source of hope no matter the conditions. It very well may be that we miss some of God's best by being pessimistic. Maybe that is a symptom of where our heart tends to look. Denial is never good. False expectations may be just as harmful as low expectations. We can however keep our attention fixed on God while letting Him unfold His plan for our life. There need not be any regrets for us living this way. Live looking to God and His will so you can know His presence constantly. It may not be easy but it will help with being emotionally healthy.

Bro. Trey

It's my contention that anytime you go through trying times that there will be a point of no return. Think of it as the crisis within the crisis. This moment is true whether one is a believer or not. Whatever the nature of the trouble we will reach a time of decision. You can liken this to a marathon runner who reaches the halfway point of that 26 mile race wondering if it is really worth finishing. It will seem like everything piles up on top of you beyond anything you could imagine. Shortcuts become very attractive at these times. Giving up may seem like a worthwhile option when this hits. Everything will seem out of focus. It is very easy to lose focus on what matters. Maybe you never thought of it this way but think on it long enough and the truth just may come to mind.

Here is where we find the difference between the mature person and one who just wants to get through the moment. Believers may stop asking the right questions so they answer the wrong ones. For example, you may begin this time of trial asking what does God want to do through all of this. You could start asking how soon will this be over. This is when the shortcuts become a temptation so the pain might be less. A mature believer asks who will I become because God walks with me through this. A much easier question could become what is the fastest way to shorten the trial. This is the difference between having a confession of faith and growing a committed life regardless of the situation. It would be interesting along with perhaps depressing to do some type of survey on how people respond.

How do we make decisions as to our hanging tough in the tough times? Pastoral experience tells me that we often choose the easy over the eternal. People may begin their period of difficulty with every intent to remain faithful. Somehow life has a way of making good intentions become options. We often speak of Job's faithfulness during his journey. Truth is that he ends up wavering as his story unfolds. God does far more than restore his stuff at the end of the story. God reveals Himself in a new and powerful way. Job discovers new depths of His power as well as His care. None of this happens if Job takes the advice of family and friends to just give up too early in the process.

Can we get past this time so we can share Job's amazement in his discovery? You will have to fix your trust solely in God during these times. New habits of life are required to survive. You cannot thrive in trouble while still living the same old way. One of the major things God desires is for you to do more than endure difficulty. He is wanting to deepen the relationship with you. This calls for more than pleasant words or cute cliches. Becoming mature has a raw quality to it. It can take on the feeling of life and death. Will you trust God to fill your life with blessings that are bigger than your burdens? Shakespeare said that to be or not to be is the question. He is right. Look through your issues through God's eyes. Allow Him to shape you by His presence. Never yield to the temptation of the easy. It holds no promise for the eternal. Therein lies the secret of survival. God will always do far more in you than circumstance can take away. My hope is you make this discovery as you move through your journey.

Bro. Trey

My mind is blank yet again sitting here in front of the keyboard. Ideas are hard to come by at night it seems. If only there was a way to write while driving or running errands. There is no shortage of direction for the blog while doing that. Perhaps it is a good time to just touch on where we are in the journey of this disease. Today was the day for the Cat Scan. Things went far different than my expectations. It was my pleasure to drink up a bottle of barium prior to the scan. You would think science would develop either a better method or at least fix the taste of that stuff. No one told me there would be dye injected through my port that is normally used for the chemo. All of this happened on an empty stomach which only compounded matters. The scan itself went just fine. Nothing to report at the moment. My guess is the doctor will tell me what the scan shows upon my return visit on Thursday. We shall see.

I cannot begin to guess the outcome of the scan. Appearances would indicate at least some level of good news. We all know how deceiving those can be. Someone asked me what I expect with the results. My mind has no real lean toward either the good or the bad. Either outcome is very possible. Good news is what my heart honestly hopes for from the doctor. Experience tells me however that anything is possible. Today seemed like there were lots of really sick people in the waiting room. You probably would not know my body is sick if you did not know I did not voluntarily cut my hair. Can any normal human being not be moved when seeing the cost this disease takes from people? My cancer is very often treatable with excellent results. Others are not nearly as fortunate.

My theology does not allow for the idea that God enjoys what any of my fellow travelers are going through. This is an ugly and brutal illness that takes few prisoners when it hits. Why would a loving God allow this to happen to people we believe that He created? Trust me, I wish there was a good answer here. One thing that is evident is our bodies are very limited even without the ravages of disease. We are not born with guarantees on how long we get to be here. My opinion is we should grasp that idea so we can fill each day with all life has to offer. I also wonder why some seem to challenge life with habits or lifestyles that are certain to curtail our ability to be fully functional. This is not to say that every person should train for the Olympics. If we say God gave us life then we should we not also do our part as stewards of this gift?

It seems like humanity can be bound together by the obstacles we face. Trials come to all whether in small or large portions. It was Job who asked, "shall we accept good from God and not adversity?" Maybe we should stop being so surprised at the arrival of difficulty. It would also help if we stop making things worse for us in this world. Obedience is not a warranty against the evils of life on this planet. It is not a matter of if we suffer heartbreak but when will it happen. We can anchor our life to God not as a buffer against bad but as the source for all that is good in our world. We can move past clever sayings into a deep understanding of His nature. None of this will promise the answer to why stuff happens. That response is something that can be learned perhaps only in eternity. One of my lessons during this time is how God can still distribute blessings even when medical reports go amiss. He really is the source of all that is hopeful when we are hurting. My fondest hope would be for you to discover that long before life derails.

Bro. Trey

You can smell rain in the air tonight. Chances are that it will pass by us but at least there is that familiar fragrance. Summer is going out with a furnace blast of heat. Once green grass is now losing the battle to remain vibrant. You can see dusty brown conditions wherever you may look. We can only hope that none of our young athletes or band members suffers while out in these conditions. We had a good morning here despite the sweltering temperatures. I got to baptize three more students at the start of the service. One of my favorite kids came running up to me and gave me a huge hug just prior to speaking. I did put a lot on our student minister. My youngest and I traveled over to Canton, Texas to retrieve his sister from a visit. All of the plans for getting her stayed up in the air most of the week. At the last minute I had to drop some things on his plate. Sorry about that. No doubt everything worked out fine.

I guess today or tomorrow marks the halfway point of August. Math was never my strong suit. Can you really divide thirty one days by two? My mind struggles that there are only about six weeks left in baseball. Major league teams begin the playoffs the first of October. The next month and a half will be all about teams sprinting toward the conclusion of the season. Four teams out of each league will square off until only two teams play in the World Series. Baseball holds this championship series each fall. I don't know how many times over the years we had a World Series. I do know that the team that my daughter and I pull for has never even been one time. The New York Yankees have over 25 championships to their credit. Surely there is room for our team to win at least one. This could very well be their year.

Two days ago our team fell behind the Red Sox 8-2 in the third or fourth inning. It was an ugly sight to behold. My attention turned to finishing a biography on Abraham Lincoln at that point. Our team slowly started to put some runs together as I drew near the close of the book. Tension escalated with every inning as we crept closer to the visiting team. One player in particular basically took the game over with his offense and his defense. Josh Hamilton got hits four out of his five times at bat. He also made two highlight reel catches while playing in the outfield. He finally scored the tying run by a breakneck dash from second base on an infield hit. Football and basketball games are more prone to one person dominating the play on the field or court. Baseball is a much different sport. Yet this one athlete almost single handily made the difference in a game our guys won in extra innings. It was a game and performance for the ages.

I told my daughter that it seems fitting for Hamilton to have such a huge role to play in that comeback win. He is in many ways the ultimate comeback story. Originally drafted by another team, Hamilton almost threw away his promising career due to his addiction to drugs and alcohol. Josh Hamilton is now 6'4 and weights about 230 pounds. When he crashed under the weight of his demons the weight was down below 180 pounds. It's taken about four years for him to rebuild his body along with his skills. He is a faithful follower of Jesus now. God blessed him with skills that are rare in his game. I got to talk with him for just a few minutes two years ago. He seems to be genuine in his understanding that God's grace restored his faith, his family and his gifts. My hope is that he stays in front of his past darkness to reach the full potential of his talent.

We can all use a comeback from time to time. Failure can haunt even the most devout of believers. Our perspective goes astray when we blow it in ways large and small. We can quickly forget God's comfort in the haze of guilt. Never give up even in the most devastating of blunders. The gospel message is one of redemption along with the promise of God's unconditional love. It is not that God overlooks our sin. The greater truth is that He values the cross far more than He counts our failures. Blowing it is not the last word for the healthy believer. Allow God to do His work to reclaim the error of your ways. Don't quit just because you feel like you are so far behind that you will never catch up. The mercy of our God always matters far more than our mistakes. Make your story not about how far you fell but how much God overwhelms you with His grace.

Bro. Trey

My best ideas for blogging usually come while in the truck running errands. I can imagine a number of somewhat clever ideas to write about. There is the obligatory promise to myself for me to remember these ideas. All of that goes out the window when it is actually time to sit down and write. My once creative mind becomes a blank wall. Most of my time is spent sitting at the keyboard trying to remember what was so great about my earlier plan. Real writers probably do not deal with this very often. That is why they are professional writers regardless of their topic. I truly do not see myself as anything close to being a real writer. The best of my hopes is that there will not be a big need to use the spell check icon here.

Obviously there are far bigger problems than this going on in my world. Trying to live with an incurable disease does tend to put life in perspective. At some point the odds are good for a cure for what I have. It very well could be that my cat scan next week shows my illness giving up to the treatment. That is something to be turned over to God whether or not that is the result. Just having an illness does not excuse you from the normal ups and downs in life. No one is coming along to take care of all my financial obligations. I would take that offer up real fast. I still have a son who lives daily with autism. You cannot leave out the work related issues seeing as retirement for me is a word on a commercial. My list could go on beyond this just like yours. If we share one thing as human beings it is this tendency to live in a less than perfect world.

People who are followers of Jesus are not immune from such issues. There are those who tend to use denial as a tool to keep problems at arms length. These are the people who use all manner of religious language so we can know of their blessing. Perhaps we can see the difference between what is said and what is real but that does not stop them. Others tend to drag out their difficulties long past the expiration date. People like this often wear their situations as a badge of honor. We are to see how gallantly they suffer while bearing their burdens. Count me as one person who would rather avoid either extreme. Sure it gets hard to carry on during this time of treatment. There has to be a better way of living than denial or dragging out problems God desires to handle.

When it comes to the things beyond your control just admit your helplessness. Admitting that is hard for a human being. We like being able to handle our life. Sometimes a problem comes along that you cannot control. What you can take charge of is your response to God in the midst of the crisis. There is little to nothing I can do to make my hair grow back until treatment ends. My focus absolutely has to remain fixed on something more eternal than my appearance. When it comes to people who cause you fits then I suggest a balanced approach. Learn this very important lesson. You cannot ever make anyone be different that what they are. Think about it for a moment. Do you really want to manipulate others or do you desire God's will for their life? You can talk to these problem people so you can open their heart to God. You can adjust the weaknesses in your personality to eliminate any excuse another person gives for bad behavior. You can pray with a greater fervor than ever for their heart to be open to God. In the end, you will find the decision to stop being a problem person is theirs alone.

God never promises freedom from problems. Trust me, if He made such a statement I would surely be claiming that fact. He does offer His resources to assist us in moving past troubles into a greater awareness of His presence. The greatest of these resources is God Himself. Look to Him first above any other temptation you feel. Stand boldly on His word as the point of praying for difficulties. Refuse to allow trouble or its side effects to make you less than God desires. God has a much better and a far more eternal purpose than to just saddle you with suffering. He is making you into someone who reflects His character even when life just rubs you the wrong way. I just hope that reflecting that character will mean great hair before too long.

Bro. Trey

The summer doldrums are surely upon us. Some refer to this period of time as the dog days of summer. It is a reference to that long period of time between July 4 and Labor Day. Weather becomes the main topic of conversation about now. Temperatures range from hot to really hot. Rain seems like a foreign invader. School has not started yet but parents and kids both are counting down the days. Everything seems to be in a holding pattern. You know that fall cannot be that far away but it does approach at a snails pace. Summer stopped being as much fun as it seemed back in June. Not everyone feels this in the same way. Some can keep moving with a spring in their step. Those steps may be hot but they do keep moving.

Time seems to mean different things to different people. We say it flies when we are having fun. We talk about it dragging when fun is not in the equation. On some occasions we are not even aware of the time passing. We are nudged in the daily pattern of living to recognize time marches on with or without us. Every person receives the same amount of time in any given day. There are no options to that figure. What we do and why serves as the determining factor for the value of life.

I am halfway through this process of treatment for my disease. My first reaction was one of being happy about that. I survived three rounds of toxic chemicals being poured into my system. There was some familiarity with the process going on within me. But now it is less of a moment to celebrate than feeling the reality of this time. It feels like the marathon runner who reaches the mid point of a race and hits the wall. Your mind and body seem to be gearing up for rebellion together. I suppose this is my spot in my journey. The hair is gone for another few months. Lab visits still come along like clockwork every week. My last round of chemo seems like it is years away. This really is not meant in anyway to be the words of a whiner. That is a temptation that my hearts wants to reject. But neither can you just be in denial about what is happening. Right now I feel more like a cancer patient than a human being. I miss being human.

Never do I wish to become comfortable with all that being sick brings. My greatest desire is to win this battle in such a way that it never wants to come back. It is not my intention to become comfortable with being a victim. We should learn how God adjusts to where we are in life. He is not just God of the best or the worst we face. He is God of all the times. The grace needed during the early days of diagnosis gives way to new grace for the halfway point. Just as we move on in day to day living so does His mercy. Our goal is to stay current with Him. We need not fear if God can handle our life. We can be assured of that very promise. We do not have to be comfortable with the doldrums. God can move in our heart to keep us growing with each passing day. Scripture reminds us that "His mercies are new each morning." Hold to those mercies so the wind will be put back into your sails. It may not change your circumstances but it will surely change you.

Bro. Trey

We are still counting down to blog post 300. You happen to be reading post 299 here. Awards are not given out for reaching a magic number but it still seems significant. Yesterday we wrote about life over the last ten years. Some may think it was a bit of a downer. That really was not my intent in what was said. I do not want you to consider my message as a "woe is me" moment. The truth is there are more than a few difficult moments no one will ever know about from my time here. It is also true that my efforts fell short an equal amount of those periods. My apologies to all who were or are affected by those shortcomings. My heart wishes there were different words to write. My mind is fully aware of my limitations.

Dealing with my disease seems almost a piece of cake compared to the past. What we need to always remember is that the past tends to live unchanged regardless of our desire. I do believe that the past can be the catalyst for better days if processed the right way. The question still remains for me concerning the future. Should my doctor be correct in her optimism then I will return to the daily pattern of ministry. Words are not enough to convey my gratitude to all who are making my journey easier to bear. My church has the opportunity to also learn some lessons during this time. Our future can still be far brighter than any past conundrums.

Part of being a follower of Jesus is discovering gifts, talents and purpose to live out God's will. I know that one of the biggest thrills for me is to see someone discover what is possible when life is open to Him. Too often, we wait on one person or a select few to carry out God's business on planet Earth. Sadly that can often lead to turf wars over who is in charge. Healthy churches are those where the ministry is distributed among the members according to their gifts. These are people who understand that character matters far more than being at the top of an organizational chart. Jesus spent three years daily developing His closest followers for a time they could not imagine. He taught, trained and turned them loose with the fullness of His power. Sure it was a huge risk. In the end this was His choice as to how the work would continue.

I depend on a team of medical people for my recovery. Each plays a different role in this process. Each is greatly valuable to me during this time. I fight cancer with whatever steps under my control. The rest is turned over to them to guide me toward a healthy outcome. One wish for me would be that the church wherever it is located would follow that pattern. We absolutely must develop a character that originates from God alone. Failure still happens even if we are effective yet not eternal. Humility is one of the cornerstones of such a life. When our conduct as believers can match our character then we have real hope. This is my heart's desire over the last ten years. No doubt it will remain so for however long God keeps me here.

Bro. Trey

We will write blog post 300 sometimes this week. That sounds decent but if you remember we started a few years ago. There are lots of empty months without writing. The journey is some trial and lots of error. The largest percentage of writing took place within the last two months or so. Writing here is occasionally easy. Most of the time my efforts were not clearly as simple. I went back last night to review the years of writing up until now. Memories came flooding into my mind. There are so many things written where I may be the only one who knew what it meant. I could see patterns of difficulty slipping into the words. There were times where my best efforts to enlighten just fell flat. I also remembered the very stressful days of only a few years ago. How was I to know that time would make this part of the journey pale in comparison?

Looking back on some of those experiences is still painful. Let me admit to any or all my contributions to make it this way. October will end ten years of ministry in this setting. Many of those days were overloaded with obstacles within and without. They began the very day of the moving van depositing our stuff at the house. In many ways it only went downhill from there. I believe that I did try to push through all the crises in a biblical manner. But there is no illusion here that my motives were always pure. A person can only take so much upheaval until cracks begin to show in a life. Yes, some of those are self inflicted. Some even become places to stop moving forward by choosing to just down right in the dumps. I know because on some occasions my choice was to sit down then decorate the dumps for a long term stay.

There were and still are some people here who mean the world to me. It was their encouragement that let me know I was not totally crazy. Of course, if they are off themselves then who knows what it says about all of us? All of us need people who can hasten our departure out of the dumps. We all need people who can pray for or with us. Let me assure you that whoever your minister is that he needs that also. We do need honesty in relationships. We cannot be isolated from difficulty. Our ego must be so under control that a simple comment does not fester into a direct attack. If we are choosing sides with a congregation that is going to mean we leave God out of the equations. That would be called a "lose/lose" proposition.

A thought occurred to me today. What happens when or if my doctor gives me a clean bill of health? This is more than a question over what color my hair may be on its return. Is God getting all He wants from me during this time? Just know that I am still pondering the idea. Of course my desire is for total remission with all that it means. My other desire is for real maturity to take place as we move along. I do not want to relive some of these past ten years. A prayer of mine is to be a different person by God's grace just it is to be a healthy person by medicine. I would like the next 300 posts to reflect not what is happening around me but what God is doing in me. More to come soon.

Bro. Trey

We are almost through the first weekend of round three in treatment. So far the experience is going much better than the previous two rounds. My body is still processing the steroids out of the system. No words can really describe what this is like. At least the drugs did not affect me nearly as much as last time. My mind was halfway clear this morning during the message. No, that may not be saying much but it is a definite improvement. Hunger would be the word for the weekend. I don't know if there was much that wasn't eaten this weekend. Tomorrow I will try to cut back while being sure my body gets to the gym. Perhaps my weight gain will not be so pronounced.

This was also the day of displaying the clean shaven look to the congregation. My youngest did give me an odd expression this morning when he realized that my beard is gone. He just smiled then went back to his stuff. A few people mentioned how young it makes me look without facial hair. I suppose this is a good thing. It may also mean that at my age it will not take much to make me look younger. Right now my plan is to grow back a partial beard as soon as possible. This may change should my hair return a different color or texture than before. It sounds like most people get a change in color or style upon the regrowing of hair. We will not see what happens for another three months or so.

I admit to looking very much like a cancer patient now. Some of it is self inflicted knowing of my appearance pre chemotherapy. There is some of it that is just there from shaving or buzzing back the hair. Here goes some more honesty. If this is not your cup of tea you may wish to stop reading now. Today was hard for me. Last week was the revealing of the buzzed head. Today was the display of a clean shaven face. I bought a hat recently to wear when out and about. Most days it goes well with blue jeans and all the usual attire. My appearance is just of a guy wearing a hat on a hot summer day. But on Sundays it does not mix as well with a summer dress look. My honest emotion is feeling self conscious about how I look. I look nothing like the person who preached even three weeks ago. I will admit to you that there was some serious anxiety going on with me. Things just did not feel right.

Now I know that all of these side effects are from medicine doing its thing. My mind is fully aware that this is only a temporary event. I do hope that all of this means that chemo is doing its thing to those sick cells within me. But there is still that insecurity over my appearance. Even though we are halfway through this therapy there is still another few months to go. Things will not get any better until after my final session in early October. There really is nothing anyone can do to improve my outlook. The facts are just what they are. I also know that my attitude will get better soon. Emotions as toxic as these cannot be allowed to gradually fester into something worse.

Odds are good that more than a few people show up at their church feeling less than their best about conditions in life. Some may share my anxiety over their appearance for various reasons. There may be a few who feel as if they do not measure up to some self imposed standard they have for life. A few still live with guilt or regret over a hidden failure somewhere in the past. Maybe it is closer to the truth to write that most if not all people enter a worship service with some anxiety resting on their shoulders. We can and should do all in our power to encourage others to draw comfort from God's presence. But let us remember that real healing for what ails us will finally come from Him. He knows who we are inside and out. He also loves us unconditionally while still having that knowledge. We may have anxiety over how others see us but we have assurance God sees us through the eyes of love. We may struggle with self rejection but be sure that God desires us with an everlasting love. That is where we find the first step in our anxieties melting away.

Bro. Trey

It was not my plan to write any tonight. Yet here I am clicking away at the keyboard. The rest of my night is reserved for filling in the gaps of the message for tomorrow. Maybe there won't be too much time grasping for stuff to stick in those gaps. I am truly envious of those preachers who go to bed on Saturday night with everything just right. My personality just is not wired that way. This is neither good or bad. It is just what it is. Don't take this to mean that all of this is last minute cramming as if for a final exam. My point is that for me no sermon is ever fully finished even after the delivery. This is the norm for the last thirty years or so and looks to be how it will go up to the end.

I said from day one of the journey that we would be honest here. I would like to think we are keeping that end of the bargain. My mind knows there are things that whoever stumbles on this blog will not want to read. So we try to keep some items under wraps. One drawback is when there is more said about the hair than the health. Another part of that issue took care of itself tonight. I am clean shaven for the first time in nearly eighteen years. My daughter was ten days old when my retina partially detached. Growing a beard seemed a good idea when limited on what movements the doctor allowed me. The sides came off on occasion but the growth around the mouth remained. That ended this evening. I came in from mowing with the mind made up to just go ahead and shave what little stubble was hanging in there. You can now see my full journey into disease and recovery.

This does get me at least a little "down" tonight. Let's hope that is more than hair that bothers me. We are halfway into this journey that has every sign of leading to remission. Losing hair is just part of the price one pays along the way. My body feels good still. Feels like we are winning the steroid battle this round. My prayer is still for total recovery from illness. But there is still that lingering emotion of just feeling a little down over the side effects of gaining that promise. I promise to avoid staying here beyond the evening. There are still far too many good things to point to in this battle. God is still being far better than a person could ever deserve. But sometimes life happens.

My physical body is ready to continue this fight. The spiritual aspect of my world is doing well despite the diagnosis. We as human beings just sometimes get a little weary or fatigued as we move along. How we respond to those moments will determine if we see the results God promises. Maybe we see how our life changes but cannot yet see where it is going. It may be we stumble along the way in this process. That will always drag us down. My best advice is to just be honest about where we are or how we are feeling. Denial is of no use in overcoming these periods. Try taking what you feel to God since He sees us much clearer than we can ourselves. Talk to Him about it. Do that a lot. Listen to God as He may point out reasons for your present condition you do not know. You might even write it out even if not on a blog. Always move on from the feeling to discover more of who God is. He will be your final answer in the process. Tomorrow is another day for all of us. End this day with God with the decision to start the next one the very same way.

Bro. Trey

Just looked and we are closing in on 300 posts here on the blog. My guess is that most of them were written during the last few months. This week hasn't been the best week of writing. Like we said, writing everyday is not easy. Reporters that do this normally have a story to guide them in their work. Mine seem to come from the top of my head. That is a dangerous place to be. Maybe there will be a really good idea for post 300. One can only hope something shakes loose soon.

My youngest and I returned my mother back to Louisiana today. We again have clean clothes to go with a stocked refrigerator. Supper should be good through the weekend. I will pick up doing the laundry soon. The clinic called while we were driving her home. My Cat Scan is set for August 16 early in the morning. This will tell the doctor if or how well the treatment is working. She says it is ok to be optimistic. That is not my strong suit. My history is one of expectations that were probably out of line at the start. So what I hope for is to just go in for the test then let things fall as they do. Do I believe the therapy is working? I do feel the effects of the chemo during the three weeks between visits. My faith is still in the mix of miracle and medicine. But my choice is to remain in the trust phase of all of this rather than having expectations beyond my information.

One of the best things about taking my mother home is going to eat at a local seafood place. Even better is the fact that this is day four of steroids. Put those two things together and you get the idea that my meal was very good. My youngest had his chicken while my side was filled with shrimp, oysters and crawfish tails. My heritage from New Orleans does reveal itself on occasion. We all had a good time along with getting there and back safely. There was even time for a short workout. It seems like the steroids are not affecting me nearly as bad as round two. My fluid intake is much higher this round. I also made the effort to exercise as much as possible. This may also help with my blood counts returning to a normal level sooner than previously. I am grateful to God for all of this regardless of the explanation.

Now it is time to finish up the day. This is the night when my efforts turn to cranking out some type of outline to publish in our Sunday bulletin. We got a jump on the study or research but this step is not coming together very well. Let's hope something happens in the next hour or so to turn that around. We are in a difficult part of Paul's letter to the Romans. My temptation is to write out a summary of the research rather than the application. Good preaching has to be able to fit into our real world. It is really easy to just put down stuff based on the study. Work is involved in translating it to where we live and breathe. We all deal with this. Isn't it much easier to leave our spiritual life in the realm of the theoretical than the practical? We were made to live and learn. It is there we become the people God destined us to become.

Bro. Trey

Baseball is a game of statistics. You can debate almost any issue in the game on the basis of numbers. There is also no limit to what you can measure with math about the game. The obvious example is just the one relating to which teams has the most runs at the end of the game. But baseball people today use all manner of computations to better understand how a player performs in any given situation. A pitcher is not measured only by wins and losses any longer. Experts use several equations to determine the effectiveness of pitching. A batter is no longer measured just by batting average or home runs. Teams pay people to again decipher the hitter's ability in differing scenarios. Calculators seem to be as important as the ball and glove now.

Times change in the history of the game as well. Some of the earliest players reached marks beyond any chance of them being broken. The game was just so different in its infancy. From the time of Babe Ruth to today is as opposite as night and day. You can even watch old games from the 1970s to see how much change is happening. Baseball seems to be moving past the steroid era of the 90s. That time lasted up to just a few years ago. Players injected themselves with chemicals so they could be stronger and faster. Those who oversee the game may be guilty of looking the other way while the abuse was rampant. More than a few significant records were broken by players now under the suspicion of doing steroids. We cheered their exploits in the moment but now feel robbed of our innocence.

It is just my opinion but Hank Aaron should be the official home run leader in the game. His 755 home runs may be 2nd on the official list but he is my choice. Roger Maris should get his asterisk back for hitting 61 home runs in 1961. It is true that the mark was beaten twice in a span of few years but it should not count. Today a player who has the taint of steroids hit his 600th home run in his career. Do we applaud this event? My response is that the players who took the chemical short cuts need an asterisk and more by their name. Anyone who follows the game knows there is a history of players who were not saints away from the field. But their habits usually limited their skills rather than enhanced God given talent.

We do live in the age of short cuts. Seems like there is a quick fix to many things that go wrong in life. We nearly wrecked our economy over the last few years trying to find the newest and fastest way to make more money. We now have all types of medical helps for the wrinkles of life or the faults we no longer wish to have. We even aim for short cuts while waiting in lines at a store. You can be sure we do that in our spiritual life. We may talk of feasting on God's word but chances are we live a fast food life. We spend more time with our cell phones texting and talking than we do patiently waiting on God. We will end up with what we deserve if we do not break this cycle. We could and should feel upbeat about that which we do. But do we ever wonder what could be if we made the time to do things right? Just something I ask myself lately. Now I am asking it of you.

Bro. Trey

During treatment yesterday I decided to watch television. This is Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. Most if not all of their programming is devoted to sharks. This may be their best rated week of shows during the year. Some of the shows study sharks. Some of the shows tell stories of people who are attacked by sharks. Some of the shows highlight other aspects in the life of a shark. Think of it as television with a bite. I decided to watch one of their programs while being filled with my toxic chemicals. It was just a tad strange. I can see where studying such creatures can be fascinating but don't look for it to end up on my bucket list.

This particular program dealt with a guy who was learning how to put sharks to sleep. I have no idea why he got interested in this but he did. Did you even know there is a way to put sharks to sleep? Do you even want to get close enough to a shark to try it out? It seems you can rub the nose of a shark in such a way they fall asleep. There is technical term for it but my mind is blank. He even went to other experts to learn how this is done. Some of his education took place with small sharks. I watched as he grabbed the nose then saw the animal drift off to sleep. That wasn't so bad until he graduated to larger ones. Eventually he worked his way to trying it with really large sharks. Yes, this man was swimming with great white sharks without any protection. He would try to get close enough to experiment with this skill. One very large shark actually took him for a ride as he hung onto to the top fin. Not sure the question is whether or not he succeeded but does he live to tell about it! He did live but that is more excitement than my heart really needs.

We may not jump into shark filled waters but we are capable of doing some really dumb things in our life. Sometimes we just call it sin. Other times it is just something dumb and dangerous. There is a tendency in human nature to think we are invincible. Maybe we think no one will notice when we do something wrong. King David believed he could get away with a really dumb thing with Bathsheba. He was wrong. Simon Peter thought Jesus had to be mistaken about the whole rooster crowing thing. He was wrong. Odds are good that we will fall into the same traps even if they are not on the same scale. None of this is to say we should avoid risks as we journey along. It is to say we might want to be sure the risk is worth taking. Let's aim to taking the good risks rather than the bad. I see no reason to be eaten by a shark just because he doesn't want to take a nap. Spend more time with the risk of faith. Avoid the areas of life where danger lives.

Bro. Trey

Round three of treatment is behind me. Today turned out to be interesting while at the clinic. Let me hit some highlights for whoever wants to stay up to date. One low point was the need for two sticks of the needle with blood work. I think the veins are beginning to rebel. To state it simply, it hurt! After the lab comes the one on one with my doctor. I am beginning to really like this woman. Sure she was less than encouraging at the beginning but she is coming along now. We even talked for more than two minutes. My key question concerned the issue of where do we go from here. There will be three more times of treatment. My end date is the first Monday of October. I also will be getting another Cat Scan before round four. This will be a more specific look at what is or is not going on with my body. She really told me that there was every reason to be optimistic. Her view is that since my original growth disappeared so fast that it indicates the meds are working on the core problems of my illness. The scan will either verify this or not. If she is right then after round six we move to the watch and wait approach. This will include regular scans and lab work. No one can know how long this will last. Maybe it lasts only a short time but it may last for several years. I am trying to not be overly optimistic but it is good to know the expert speaks this way.

The day is still very long. Six hours of my life spent doing medical stuff. Most of that time is sitting in a chair having toxic chemicals poured into my body. Stomach medicine is still a large part of the treatment. I made sure to thank my doctor for that. The ladies in the chemo area were working without two nurses who were out. To say it was a stressful day for them is an understatement. I made sure to make as little fuss as possible. Sometimes you just have to get out of the chair to walk around. I drag my IV unit around just to stretch the legs. When I think about it, everyone working there today seemed to be stressed today. I just try to be polite without being demanding. There was another change to my routine. I took my first 100 mg of steroids this morning. They usually were picked up after my treatment so they were taken Monday night. Then I would take the next batch Tuesday morning. This may be reaching for a solution but time will tell.

I realized last night that my comfort level with being ill is a little unsettling. We began this process in that fog of shock. Perhaps my fear ran rampant but it did push me to search for spiritual answers. That was a long few weeks that I have no desire to repeat. Neither is there an interest to take all of this for granted. It is very good to have some reason for optimism. We are praying for a total response whether by miracle or medicine. We will again be very happy with a combination of both. My point is that this is still an illness that can write its own story. Each person's cancer is their own. It may very well be that the optimism will pay off in the end. You will not hear me complain on that. It may be this is only the first step of a challenging battle. My role is to intentionally draw closer to God as often as possible. Life is not meant to be defined by the weakness of cancer. It can be lived in the strength God gives right in the middle of any weakness. God still has the last and best word in our journey. My hope is all of us will learn this along the way.

Bro. Trey

Round three of treatment begins tomorrow morning. Time seemed to stand still between round one and two. But these last three weeks just flew by. My preference is for the fast moving clock. Life is much easier while staying busy. At least this time my appearance will be that of a full fledged cancer patient. You could almost feel guilty while taking your treatment when you have a full set of hair. It felt like others who are where I am now kept sneaking ugly looks at me. Perhaps my feelings of guilt were self inflicted. Anyway, by sometime tomorrow afternoon the third round of medicine will be flowing inside my body. My prayer is that it goes as smooth as rounds one and two.

This also means another five days of steroids. Somehow I will try to find a new way to offset the side effects of this drug. I do vividly remember complaining at the end of round two about how they made me feel. As long as the steroids help with the other medication I will keep swallowing them down. Maybe it will even spur a little hair growth for a day or so? This morning was my first Sunday without my usual hairstyle. A few looked at me with shock. Some wanted to rub my fuzzy head. At least no one ran away in horror. I took this as a good sign.

Dread really is not an issue about tomorrow. This is just part of what is needed to deal with my disease. Today I read of several new potential breakthroughs in fighting my illness. Some are near clinical trial stage. They could be on the market in just a few years if they show success. There were one or two still five to eight years away at the least. All of them are exciting about the potential of curing or coming closer than ever to a cure. Right now my lymphoma is referred to as incurable but treatable. Each year of survival may put me that much closer to living with this sickness. This is my prayer. Whether by miracle or medicine let me get daily closer to eliminating this thing.

We are beginning to study Romans 6 in our Sunday morning messages. This should be a lot of fun. How do we as believers deal with sin as we move forward in our journey? Some seem to relish its activity even while being a follower of Jesus. There are those who appear to be resigned to never getting any better at dealing with it. A few may seem to make three steps forward but two steps backward in their efforts. People who have success in the struggle with sin are those who want it totally gone from their life. These are people who know that no sin tends to remain small or isolated. They realize there is little in their personality that can defeat this problem without God's help. They know to do spiritually what I will do medically tomorrow. You offer yourself to God for Him to pour out His life within you. We learn quickly that any success in this conflict rests on our allowing God to do as He wishes. There are no new breakthroughs on dealing with sin. We trust in the power of the Easter event over 2000 years ago. Jesus gained the upper hand then. Now he offers that strength to us who will accept it. My hope is for us to be healthy spiritually for the journey ahead.

Bro. Trey